


When Does Happily Ever After Start?

by Leydhawk



Series: The Red Shoes Open the Door [3]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Complete, Drama & Romance, Gender Identity, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Male Slash, Romance, Slash, cross-dressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-07 03:42:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 65,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4247991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leydhawk/pseuds/Leydhawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gibbs and gender fluid Tim attempt to make their life together continue as smoothly as before now that they are out at work. Gibbs' drive to keep the team together threatens to tear them apart. It's Tim's turn to be patient and loving, but is he strong enough to take on his lover's demons? Sequel to The Red Shoes. Meant as a serious look at gender identity. Established McGibbs. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back In the Saddle Again

_A/N At long last, the sequel to The Red Shoes! I do hope you think it's worth the wait. I have plans for a final part to this trilogy (I don't exactly count Cooking Bacon, it's more of a sidebar), but I wouldn't expect that for quite some time. I have ideas upon ideas that need work, plus my regular life and job. I'm cross posting on other sites now, so if you want to know what's going up when, follow me on Twitter. I'll keep ya 'posted' there. ;-) I'm back to my regular style and content, so don't let Chrysalis stop you from checking this out, please._

When Does Happily Ever After Start?

_Dear Penny,_

_I hope your visit to Mozambique is going well. I have news to share with you that I don't want to wait until you return home to tell. It's good news. Great, actually._

_I have been exploring a side of myself that I had never acknowledged before. It was in fact you, and your telling my friends the story about me and the red pumps that provided the impetus for this inward journey of discovery. After you left, I began to consider what part of me had so enjoyed those shoes and if it still existed in me. It does. Gender studies have come a long way but they still have far to go. I have been able to acknowledge that I have feminine aspects as well as masculine, and I'm becoming more comfortable expressing both. Now, don't go buying me any women's clothes while you're there! I'm not cross dressing. I am choosing to wear whatever color appeals to me instead of conservatively sticking with culturally accepted masculine shades. I've taken a great liking to purple, actually, and the shirt you gave me last Christmas is now a favorite._

_Amidst these self-explorations, I have also moved toward openly admitting that I'm bi-sexual. I have, in fact, been in love with a particular man for quite some time. You've met him, my dear Penny, and through your amazing perception, you may have already known about my feelings, even before I was willing to admit them. It's Gibbs. Yes, my boss. And with the most miraculous chance meeting, I discovered that he feels the same. I've found my life partner, and we've moved me into his house. My lease is up next month, so we have ample time to get my apartment cleaned and ready for inspection, even with our crazy work schedule._

_I'm certain you'll have questions. I'm glad to answer them. Just be assured that I am happier than I have ever been, and I look forward to showing you my new life when you are back in country._

_I love you dearly. I doubt I would ever have had the courage to pursue this line of thoughtful exploration without your influence in my life._

_Timothy_

Chapter One: Back in the Saddle Again

Tim felt content and settled as they got ready to go to work from their collective home. Moving in with Gibbs the day before, with the help of Ziva and Tony, and seeing the echoing emptiness of his apartment had shown Tim that he truly was starting a new part of his life.

Driving in to work together for the first time was novel. Gibbs insisted on stopping for coffee even though they'd drunk a whole pot between the two of them at home, but Tim was content to let Gibbs have his way. After his first few swallows, as they approached the Yard, Gibbs finally became verbal.

"Gotta be careful to keep everything equal on the team," he said, after clearing his throat.

"I know. We'll work it out. Just do whatever you need to."

The grunt he received made him smile. Gibbs was already transforming into Boss. It might help separate things if they drove in different cars, too, Tim mused.

He could tell Gibbs was feeling unusually self-conscious as they entered the office. Although it was their first day working together with the entire team, and likely the entire office, knowing about them, Tim was pretty sure he knew what his lover's concerns were. Having been granted the humbling concession of topping his silver fox, Tim understood the tension in Gibbs. Once they were in the elevator alone, he took Gibbs' hand and squeezed lightly, leaning close and whispering to him. He knew that bottoming wasn't anything to be ashamed of, but Gibbs was surely worrying about what everyone would say if they knew. The fact that he'd really liked it had to be part of his difficulty, too.

"No one knows what we did. And no one _ever_ needs to," Tim said.

Gibbs turned his head and looked at him with a level gaze, then gave a fractional nod and a squeeze and release of Tim's fingers. Tim was smiling as they exited into the squad room.

Now that Gibbs was back at work after his medical leave, they needed to face the reality of being out as a couple. They needed to know how the Director would be dealing with it.

Both men were serious when they headed upstairs to talk to Director Vance, but his assistant stopped them, telling them that Leon had not returned from his visit to the Rota office, but had been unexpectedly called out to a carrier in the South Pacific and would be unavailable until he returned. Tim was relieved by the respite, but Gibbs just wanted to get the ball rolling in whatever way it would go regarding their relationship and continuing to work together.

"Assistant Director Granger is filling in long distance from Los Angeles if it's urgent," they were informed.

"No, not urgent. Thank you," Tim assured her. Gibbs gave a half-shrug, and they returned to their desks.

Several minutes later, Ziva came in and nodded silently to them, booting up her computer and beginning to look at email. After, Tony swaggered in, slinging his backpack into the corner behind his desk.

"Welcome back, Boss! How ya feeling?"

Gibbs looked up at DiNozzo from studying a file on his desk, the blue eyes giving their typical hard stare. He resented the reference to him being forced to take a week of medical leave to recover from being drugged. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about the damage he could have done to his Senior Field Agent while he was under the influence of a hellish mix of testosterone and Ecstasy — and all because he'd thought Tony posed a threat to Tim. He was, however, grudgingly pleased that his Senior Agent was maintaining their working relationship exclusive of having just seen each other over the weekend when he helped move Tim's things into Gibbs' house.

"I'm fine, Tony. Where's you report on the incident in interrogation?"

"Um, gave it to Vance?" Tony sat down and looked distractedly at his tie—how had that stain gotten there?

"Are you sure?"

"Uh, yeah." He removed the offending accessory and considered how his shirt and jacket would look without it.

"You don't sound sure."

"Well, I did. I wrote it up along with the rest of the case with the he/she from your... —the bar." Rising, Tony got into the filing cabinet, rummaging around for his emergency stash of clothing. He came up with a tie and decided it was acceptable.

"Send me a copy."

"Why?"

"DiNozzo! Just do it."

Tony recoiled at the angry sound of his boss' voice, freezing in the middle of tying his tie. "Didn't McGee tell you—"

"I didn't ask McGee! I asked my Senior Field Agent!"

"Right. You got it, Boss." Tony frowned and he got his computer running so he could obey.

"McGee!"

Tim's head popped up like a prairie dog from behind his monitor. "Yeah, Boss?"

"I want your report. You, too, Ziva."

"Sure, Boss."

Ziva was less convinced that the request was professional. "Gibbs, as one of the victims in the case, you should not involve yourself in the investigation—"

"When did this team become a democracy?! Just give me the damn file!"

Tim tried to intercede. "I think he just wants to read it, Ziva -"

"McGee, I do _not_ need you to explain my motivations!"

Silence descended, and the tension only eased when Gibbs' computer chimed once, then again, then, seeming almost as reluctant as the sender, a final time.

Gibbs' focus returned to his monitor, and the other team members exchanged glances before silently returning to their own machines.

Through the week of cold case reviews, Gibbs continued to snap and grump. Tony's jokes only seemed to annoy him more, and the one time Gibbs walked in on the SFA asking McGee if anything was wrong personally that was making Gibbs such a fiend, he nearly head-slapped them both into a wall, proceeding to dress Tim down for letting their private life interfere at work.

"Boss, that was all me, McGee didn't— " Tony protested.

"Don't get in the middle of this, DiNozzo," Gibbs snarled. Tim nodded carefully and accepted the correction without further comment. Twice more during the week, Tim took unwarranted blame for his teammates, but he did so unflinchingly, meeting Gibbs' hostility calmly. In his mind, he kept hoping Gibbs would relax after they knew what was going to happen to them when Vance returned, but until then, he was just going to keep his head down.

At home, they didn't discuss it, and it didn't affect their emotional connection at all. Gibbs was as affectionate as ever, and the sex they had grew even more intense as the older man seemed to need to reinforce his dominance. He topped exclusively, and they christened Tim's office as well as the kitchen and downstairs bathroom. Tim found himself walking with an extra swagger from feeling profoundly sexy, and struggled to tone it down at work.

When the director hadn't returned to the office by Friday, Gibbs asked his assistant if she knew when he'd be back. She said he was on his way that day, but wouldn't return to work until Monday.

Saturday morning, Tim found an email from Tony in his personal account. His friend was expressing concern about Gibbs' treatment of his Probie. Tim shook his head and sent a quick reply, reassuring him that all was well between them, thanking him for his support, and telling him he expected that Gibbs would calm down eventually and not to worry.

The couple went for a long hike together that afternoon, actually enjoying the same remoteness of Rock Creek Park that made it such a popular dumping ground for bodies. Over cowboy steaks that night, cooked by Gibbs probably as a silent apology for his harshness at work, Tim offered an idea he'd had about talking to Director Vance.

"Over the years, you've developed something of a friendship with him, so why don't we use that for an edge and go see him at home tomorrow?"

"Are you worried he'll split us up?" Gibbs asked. They sat at the kitchen table and ate the fireplace-grilled meat and the roasted vegetables Tim had contributed. The younger man shrugged.

"Of course. It's his job to make sure the team will still function as a team even with our relationship. The regs are more lenient with our Agency than most others, but he could still be a hard-ass."

Gibbs reached over and put his hand on top of Tim's. "I'm not giving you up, no matter what Vance decides."

"Good. I'm not giving you up either," Tim replied softly. "So I guess that means we're stuck with each other, whatever happens with our jobs."

"Damn right. You're more important than any job," Gibbs meant the declaration, but his new self-reflection, inspired by Tim's amazing journey of self-discovery, sent a warning twinge to his gut. Until a few months ago, his job had been everything he was and everything he had. That didn't fit with how they were settling into this new life together, and he'd have to figure out a way to balance that. He sighed to himself, thinking that being self-aware was way more work than he'd ever thought it could be.

Tim dropped his fork and gave a shaky laugh. He dabbed his eyes with his napkin and Gibbs' raised eyebrow finally made him answer.

"I was trying to not get all emotional, but you're just so sweet..."

Gibbs barked a laugh and pulled Tim's hand to his lips and kissed his fingers. "You know I don't mind you getting emotional at home, babe."

"I know, and I appreciate that, but I feel like such a..." He couldn't finish the sentence, feeling too self-conscious.

"Girl? But you're _my_ girl, so what's the problem?"

This time Tim sucked his lips between his teeth and, as much as he tried not to, finally did start to cry. Gibbs got up and drew him to his feet, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the side of his head where he rested it on Gibbs' shoulder.

"You really don't mind the gender thing, do you? That's just so...amazing. I love you, Gibbs. Thank you... _so_ much..."

Gibbs smiled and held him, then picked Tim's phone up from where he had it on the counter. Tim always kept it in the same room, never wanting to be out of touch. Gibbs handed it to Tim.

"Put some music on. I feel like dancing with you, babe."

Tim's eyes shone and his face was cherubically ecstatic as he hit play on Everything Else Disappears by Sister Hazel. They swayed gently together for the duration of the song, then quietly sat back down and finished dinner.

~~~NCIS~~~

Driving to the Vance residence, they stayed quiet, Tim's silence a pensive, worried one, Gibbs' relieved he'd finally get an answer to the uncertainty they faced. When they confessed to Leon, he brought them out to the front porch to address them, as always, trying to keep his work from interfering with his home.

"The regs haven't caught up with the times, so as long as you haven't gotten married," Leon Vance paused and nodded shortly when both McGee and Gibbs shook their heads negatively, Gibbs with a look of distaste. "I don't _have_ to separate you. I appreciate that you trusted me enough on a personal level to ask me on the down low, but we should have a meeting on Monday as well."

Tim's cheeks flushed in the silence that followed, and Leon raised his eyebrows suspiciously.

"Tim convinced me to try this as a hail Mary," Gibbs said with blatant pragmatism. Tim's shoulders sagged in relief when Vance laughed at that.

"I never had you figured for a sports metaphor, McGee. Seems more of a DiNozzo idea."

Tim shrugged and smiled a little. "I've worked with Tony for a long time, Director."

"That you have. So can I assume your team knows about you?"

This time Gibbs grew quiet and looked away. Tim put his hand on the older man's and squeezed. "I take it you haven't caught up on your reports since you got back?"

Leon shook his head. "I read the ones marked urgent last night. What did I miss?"

The week-long respite the couple had discovered when they went to talk to Vance after Tim moved in had given them time to figure out the plan of discreetly discussing the situation with him at home. The Director had stayed out of communication with his office all week.

"The incident right before you left for Rota..."

"Gibbs was drugged and attacked DiNozzo. His medical exam has him fit for duty," Vance started, then stopped and rocked back. "So what's the real story?"

They explained, rehashing again the night they'd gone to Verse, the gender and sexuality fluid club where Gibbs had been drugged into mindless aggression. Tim blushed when they told briefly of Gibbs' assault on Tony having been the result of the overprotectiveness that had come from high levels of testosterone and a harsh come-down from a near overdose of Ecstasy. Vance listened without expression, then pondered silently when they'd finished their explanation.

"I'm going to need to have a serious discussion with David and DiNozzo. If they truly feel that this relationship won't endanger either of them, we'll start with a probationary period and reevaluate after that."

"Thank you, Director," Tim said fervently. Leon's mouth quirked; not quite a smile, and he met Gibbs' gaze. He could see a difference in the blue eyes, a softening of his expression, and time would only show him if the change would impact his ability to be the bastard it took to keep the highest solve rate in the agency. On a personal level, he was glad to see that the former Marine was capable of the openness required for a long term romantic commitment. For McGee's sake, he hoped that Gibbs could balance both.

"Alright, gentlemen, if you'd excuse me, I'd like to spend the rest of my Sunday with my family."

"Of course. Thanks, Leon."

They all shook hands and the couple left.

In the car, Tim allowed his nerves to show and he slumped heavily against the passenger's seat. Gibbs raised an eyebrow and made an inquiring grunt.

"You realize that I never came out as bi and now I'm out with the team as non-binary gender and openly in a committed relationship with a man? All in the space of a few weeks? It's good, it's just...a _lot_. Part of me wants to curl up in a hole somewhere, and part of me wants to wear a neon sign and take out an ad in the paper! I'm exhausted, Gibbs. It's so... _much_."

Gibbs took his hand and held it tenderly. "I know it's a lot of changes, babe. All I can say is that I'm proud of you. I'm proud to be _with_ you."

Tim sighed and leaned over, resting his head on Gibbs' shoulder. "Thank you. I love you so much." He rode quietly that way for several minutes. "I want to tell my family. I need to, really. I have a new address and..."

"We can tell anyone you want, Tim."

Smiling softly, Tim relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the ride home. When they arrived, he bounded up to the house in stark contrast to the exhaustion he'd laid claim to in the car.

"I'm gonna write a letter to Penny," he said enthusiastically. Gibbs laughed as Tim ran up the stairs and he heard the clacking of Tim's typewriter start up. Thoughtfully, he grabbed a legal pad and wrote his own note to Tim's grandmother. He'd ask to include it with Tim's.

~~~NCIS~~~

_Dear Penny,_

_I hope your visit to Mozambique is going well. I have news to share with you that I don't want to wait until you return home to tell. It's good news. Great, actually..._

_...I love you dearly. I doubt I would ever have had the courage to pursue this line of thoughtful exploration without your influence in my life._

_Timothy_

_Dear Penny,_

_I know Tim wrote you, and I asked to send a note along. I'm sure you're concerned about our relationship. I know words can't tell your gut that it's okay, but I'm willing to try. Tim has changed me in that way. I talk to him, more than I've talked to anyone for years. He— we take care of each other. I know this is far from ideal, with all the potential complications, but I love Tim, and I will be there for him in every way I can._

_Come see us when you're stateside. I know Tim misses you._

_Jethro Gibbs_

~~~NCIS~~~

Tim came down the stairs, an envelope in his hands and was surprised when Gibbs extended his own letter.

"You can read it," Gibbs said. A soft, sweet smile graced Tim's face as he skimmed the words.

"Thank you," he said. "It's perfect."

Gibbs had to smile at that. "Who's next?"

Tim cocked his head thoughtfully. "Sarah," he nodded definitively. "Definitely Sarah." He pulled his phone out and dialed. Gibbs listened as he set up a tentative dinner date with his younger sister for the following night, contingent on whether Tim had to work late.

Tim laid his phone aside and moved gratefully into Gibbs' embrace. "Okay?" Gibbs asked.

Tim nodded, and when he drew back, he smiled at his lover. "Yeah. It's exciting and scary and wonderful all at once."

"No matter what, _we_ are okay. Does anything else matter?"

Tim's smile lit his face. "You're right. That _is_ all that matters."

A more heated look entered Gibbs' eyes, and Tim felt it warm his skin into a blush. He set the letters down and nodded toward the stairs. Gibbs led him by the hand up to their room. Tim's richly colored, purple comforter had replaced the utilitarian blankets on their bed, and each morning, he took pleasure in stacking up the pillows in decoration upon it. He smiled as he recalled fantasizing about how Gibbs would look among the colorful display and gently pushed him onto his back to see it in reality. The silver of his hair highlighted the dark royals, and the turquoise accent shades made Tim catch his breath as his blue eyes echoed the hues.

Tim's expression as he stood at the foot of the bed was rapt and adoring, and Gibbs enjoyed it for a long moment before he raised his hand to encourage his lover to join him. Kicking his shoes off, Tim bent and removed Gibbs' sneakers as well, then crawled up the bed, his eyes still drawn to the picture the older man made.

Tim's long limbs made his approach a graceful movement, and Gibbs watched in sensuous anticipation. Settling down atop him, the weight and warmth of the younger man's body created a sweet ache in his groin and he grunted as he felt Tim's own hardness pressing down on him. It kindled his passion, and he kissed Tim fiercely, taking control, demanding access for his tongue into the plushness of Tim's mouth.

Tim surrendered to his lover's attentions and found himself rolled onto his back and pinned by his strength. Shuddering, he allowed Gibbs to pull his shirt off and he moaned as Gibbs made his way across his chest with tongue and teeth and fingers rousing him to arch and cry out. Tossing his head mindlessly, he barely had the wherewithal to raise his hips to help Gibbs strip his lower half as efficiently as he had the top.

Nosing Tim's balls while pulling the younger man's socks off, Gibbs throbbed in desire at the cries that elicited. The musky smell of Tim's crotch spurred him on and he licked and sucked all over, only avoiding the obviousness of Tim's cock, though he growled when it hit him in the cheek as it bounced in arousal from his teasing.

"Oh, Gibbs! Oh my god... Oh... Oh..." Tim moaned. His sounds became a low whine when his lover moved back up without ever actively touching his painfully hard erection, but when Gibbs' weight settled atop him, grinding denim-clad heat against his sensitive skin, he cried out wordlessly.

Gibbs latched onto Tim's neck, worrying the hot spot right over his artery, then moved on to his ear. The younger man was bucking his hips, humping against Gibbs, and Gibbs shuddered at the friction. He felt Tim's hands scrabbling against his back, tugging at his shirt, and he had to agree that feeling skin on skin was a high enough priority that it was worth retreating for a few seconds to lift up enough to let Tim tear his shirts out of his jeans and up the length of his back. Moving with practiced precision, they quickly had Gibbs' undershirt and polo over his head and tossed onto the floor. Tim surprised him by immediately attacking his nipples, pinching both hard in his sensitive fingers and Gibbs gave an ecstatic shout, freezing in place with the powerful sensation.

Tim's grin was wicked as he used the shock of it to turn the tables. He flipped them back over so he was on top and quickly divested Gibbs of his remaining clothes. Straddling his waist, precisely aligning himself so Gibbs' hard-on was lined up along his perineum with his balls draped over the head, Tim reached for his nightstand and retrieved the lube while Gibbs gripped his hips and then slid his hands back to fondle his ass. Coating his hand with the slippery substance, Tim shifted down and rearranged so he could grip them both and slowly stroke them. He threw his head back at the sensation, writhing and quivering in his desire to have Gibbs inside him.

God! The sight of Tim gasping in the pleasure of his own hand, the beautiful, lithe body undulating, his pouty mouth slack and his eyes tightly shut: Gibbs wanted to stop time and just live in the moment. But he wasn't about to complain when Tim shifted, moving Gibbs' cock to vertical and sinking down onto it.

"Tim!" He shouted. Fuck! The weight of him; the heat and pressure combined with that amazing look of ecstasy that furrowed Tim's brow and heightened his color until he looked sunburnt: it was nearly too much and Gibbs had to close his eyes and blank his mind for long seconds, panting.

Tim sat still and reveled in his own enjoyment and his power over Gibbs. The tough, intense man was totally under his control at this moment. It was worthy of the sense of triumph and love with his ass spread wide, encompassing the large member, feeling Gibbs so deep inside him. Moving as slowly as he could, Tim rose up and settled back down, a sob catching in his throat at the sound Gibbs made. He did it once more, and couldn't help but push the envelope as he reached for Gibbs' nipples again.

An animalistic lust burst through the loving, sensual moment when Tim tweaked his nipples. With a roar, Gibbs squeezed Tim's hips in his powerful hands and gave a hard shove up into him.

"Aaahh!" Tim yelped, then he was lifted and slammed back down onto the steely rod inside him, and he lost it. "Gibbs! Oh fuck! Yes! Gibbs! God, yes! Yes! Yes!"

Gibbs fucked him hard, and when he felt he could no longer manhandle the younger man up and down, he rolled them over and pushed Tim's thighs up to his ears and rammed into him until Tim had no breath left to speak. Small explosions of air came from Tim's mouth, soundlessly, and his face was set in a rictus of agonized pleasure. Gibbs jackhammered against him, choking on tears at the perfection of it all. He felt Tim's body tighten impossibly on his shaft as he came and his own orgasm swept over him like the crash of a tsunami, slamming into him and tumbling his consciousness until he could barely see. He fell too heavily onto Tim, releasing his legs from his numb hands and scarcely having the awareness to keep his head from smashing into Tim's face. He found himself gasping into one of the silky pillows, his cheek against Tim's ear, and he lay still, shuddering for long minutes.

There was nothing like an aggressive Gibbs in bed. Tim had felt the older man come so hard he wondered that he couldn't taste it. His body ached from the pounding but in the most erotic way possible. He was the luckiest person in the world.

~~~NCIS~~~

The official meeting with the director went smoothly the next morning. After Tony and Ziva met with Vance, he chose to allow them a two month grace period, then he would reevaluate. Tim wanted it to be a sign that everything with regards to their relationship would be smooth sailing from then on, but his natural optimism had become jaded over the years. He felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surely not everyone would be so accepting of the changes in his life. He tried to keep Gibbs' words in mind: No matter what anyone else thought, they were okay.

~~~NCIS~~~

Sarah arrived late to the restaurant, and Tim sighed in relief when she smiled as she approached. If she'd been in a bad mood starting the evening, this would have been much harder. He stood and hugged her, and then they sat. He asked after her life, and they chatted until they ordered their meals. Once the waiter had taken their menus and walked away, he took a deep breath and nodded seriously to her.

"I told you that I have news. You're a very direct person, Sarah, so I'm just going to say it. I've known since college that I was bisexual, and I'm now in a serious relationship with a man. You know him, actually."

"You're going to leave all of Mom and Dad's hopes for grandchildren to me, then?" She asked, her expression slightly annoyed. Tim burst out laughing.

"That's all you have to say? That's your concern? Man, Sarah, I love you," he said, grinning. "I don't think you should let anyone else decide for you about having children, or not. You support me in this, and you have my total support in that."

"Have you told Mom?" She shook her head, already knowing the answer. "No, but I bet you told Penny."

"Well, I wrote Penny a letter. She's in Africa. I'm planning to tell Mom when she comes to visit next month. I've moved out of my apartment, so I'll have to explain to her my change of address."

"Moved in?" She raised her eyebrows. "How long have you been seeing him?"

"A while now, but I've known him for a really long time. There is something else I want to tell you, though."

Sarah sighed. "Hit me."

"Um, have you taken any classes on gender studies?"

"Sure."

"Well, I hope they covered non-binary gender. I am, um, I've realized, that I'm not, I..."

Her eyes grew wide, and her eyebrows rose up under her bangs. "Holy crap! Are you transsexual?"

"No!" He shook his head vehemently. "Not transsexual. Transgender, in the umbrella use of the word, the way it covers everything from transsexual to femandrogynous, or any of the others. Do you know the term gender fluid?"

She cocked her head thoughtfully. "I think so. Sort of...both?"

Tim nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"What does that mean, for you, then?"

"It means, well, it means I'm not fighting my natural instincts that are more feminine, now. I'm more emotional, or at least more openly emotional, than I used to be. I wear whatever colors I want, but I'm not cross dressing." He smiled shyly. "I do wear a little eye makeup when I go out clubbing, though."

She looked a little more disturbed by his gender revelation than she had been by his bisexuality, and he began to second-guess his choice to tell her everything at once. "You're my _brother_ , Tim."

He leaned across the table and put his hand on hers. "Yes. I always will be. I'm not changing pronouns or anything. I'm just trying to be more comfortable in my own skin."

She nodded. Their meals arrived and they began eating, Sarah teasing him tentatively about watching his girlish figure, which made him blush but pleased him, too. They were nearly finished with their entrees by the time she asked about his new partner.

"Wait! You never said who your boyfriend is!"

Tim's face scrunched at the term. How could a term as banal as 'boyfriend' apply to the earth-shattering relationship he had with Gibbs?

" _Partner_ , Sarah. I'm not using that other term. We're in this as partners, for life."

She rolled her eyes but nodded. "Who is it? Someone from MIT?"

Taking a huge breath, Tim looked her in the eye. "Gibbs." Sarah blinked. She sat, wordless, and Tim's gut began to tighten. Silent Sarah meant thinking Sarah, and she was bound to have a strong opinion when she finally spoke.

"He's...a lot older than you."

"Yes. But I've loved him for a long time. And he's wanted me, too. He loves me, Sarah."

She frowned at his wording, but her expression softened a little with the quiet joy she heard in the last proclamation.

"And he knows about your gender..."

"He loves it," Tim said, smiling as he recalled Gibbs original reaction: _'Sounds like fucking Christmas.'_

"But the age thing, Tim... He's what: sixty, or nearly that? A healthy, fit sixty, sure, but... Grampa died at sixty-two."

Tim swallowed hard at his sister's bald statement of his deepest fear. "We're in law enforcement, Sarah. Either one of us could be killed on duty any day of the week."

She shrugged, granting him the point, but her jaw was set and he could see her belligerence rising. His stomach dropped. In her own way, Sarah could be as mean as Tony ever was. And he wanted more than that; he wanted her to understand and love and support him in this new and still raw aspect of himself and his life.

"I dated an older guy. He wanted me to move in, and I stayed with him for a while but the cultural gap was too wide, Tim." Shaking her head, she let her full disapproval show. Tim felt tears fill his eyes.

"Sarah, I -"

"If _I_ couldn't make it work, what makes you think _you_ can?"

"I'm _not_ _you_!" He blurted. Her face turned red and her mouth twisted. Her temper was obvious from the flashing of her dark eyes and his own widened as he sat back and stared at her. She rose, plucked her purse and jacket from the back of her chair, and gave him one final glare before she swept out of the restaurant.

Tim's eyes overflowed and he dropped his face into his hands. It was several minutes before he got ahold of himself and signaled for the check. The ache in his chest didn't ease as he got in his car to drive home, so he let himself go for a few more minutes, weeping bitterly and bemoaning his sister's temper. He craved approval; he knew that about himself, and he knew how unlikely it was that he'd get it from his conservative Catholic mother in this situation, let alone his ever-disapproving father. So he had optimistically thought that Sarah would be more accepting and he'd allowed his hope to grow as she reacted well to his bisexuality and not too badly to his gender. To have her utterly reject his relationship with Gibbs broke his heart. His sobs came hard, shaking his frame, and he leaned helplessly against the steering wheel. His phone buzzed with a call, and his crying eased as he automatically looked at the screen. The beautiful, smiling picture of Gibbs that he'd loaded for caller identification greeted him, and he gratefully hit the connection.

"Oh Gibbs, it started out so good and it went so bad and she stormed out and it hurts and I miss you and I can't drive while I'm crying and—"

"Whoa! Tim, shh, calm down. Take a deep breath. And another. You're okay, babe. We're okay. Remember? No matter how anyone reacts, we're solid."

Tim let Gibbs' words wash over him, and his tears finally stopped. He listened to his lover's breathing and forced his own to match it.

He'd been sitting on the couch when he called Tim, but Gibbs began pacing as he tried to calm him. There was an underlying smolder of anger in his gut that anyone would make Tim feel bad, but he pushed it down. Sarah had a temper, but she was logical as well and hopefully would come around quickly. "Can you drive? I want you home with me."

Tim's voice was small and he sounded very young as he agreed. They disconnected, and Gibbs continued pacing until Tim pulled into the driveway. He opened the door as the younger man approached, and drew him gently inside, closing and locking it behind him. The locks had come into use when Tim had moved in. Gibbs finally had something worth protecting in the house. As well as thousands of dollars of AV and computer equipment, and Tim's valuable record and comic book collections.

Tim refused to tell Gibbs exactly what Sarah had said, but he suspected he knew what she'd objected to simply from Tim's reticence. He had his own concerns about the age gap between them, but he was not ready to talk to Tim about it.

With Tim's silence about his upset, Gibbs turned to action to comfort him and took him upstairs. He held Tim's pale face in his hands and just looked at him for a long while.

" _We're_ okay," Gibbs quietly reminded him. Tim nodded quickly, but Gibbs could see the fear and pain still lingering in the moisture in his eyes. "Oh, honey." He kissed him, and slowly undressed him and put him to bed. Stripping before he climbed in beside his lost-looking lover, Gibbs pulled him into his arms and just lay quietly.

"I have two families, really. The team... They accept us, so at least we have that..."

Gibbs stroked his back in soothing lines. "She'll come around, Tim. She really loves you. It's probably a shock, and she's hot-blooded..."

"I hope so," Tim's voice was a pained whisper.

Gibbs shook his head. He couldn't stand Tim suffering this way. He kissed the top of his head, then carefully rearranged them, trailing kisses across the soft skin of Tim's face to his lips. A long, sensuous kiss had Tim melting, and Gibbs smiled into it. He was glad Tim was such a hedonist, it made distracting him easy. He kissed and sucked gently down Tim's long neck, across his collarbone and then latched onto his nipple.

"Oohhh...ah! Gibbs!" Tim's cry sent a shiver through him. He _loved_ making Tim call out that way. The smooth skin of his chest, free from hair due to Tim's habit of waxing it was another turn on for him. He nearly laughed at his train of thought; _everything_ about Tim was a turn on for him. Trailing his hand down to the light hair below his navel, careful to keep his pressure firm enough not to tickle, he buried his fingers in Tim's neatly trimmed pubic hair before moving to encircle his erection as it twitched from the attention. Tim moaned and his back arched. Releasing his suction on his nipple, Gibbs licked it several times before he moved again, finally coming to rest with his head on Tim's belly, his mouth on the head of his cock. Keeping in contact with Tim's torso let him ride the movements Tim made as he sucked and swirled his tongue while his hand stroked his shaft, effectively jerking Tim off into his mouth.

The sound Tim made as he came was more of a wail than his full-throated orgasm scream, but this had been merely a quick pleasuring to make him forget about Sarah and hopefully fall rapidly to sleep. By the time Gibbs had swallowed Tim's bitter fluids and cleared his mouth before he moved back up to hold Tim again, he was indeed already dozing.

~~~NCIS~~~

_A/N The biggest thank you I can possibly give goes out to FlyingPiglet, my beta and friend. This story is so much more than it might have been without your tireless work and creative input._


	2. Roads

_A/N I am sad to say my computer died. This is the last chapter I had gotten into the Doc Manager and ready for posting before I got blue screen of death. I have the rest of the story, but please be patient as I have to buy a new computer and get my backups loaded before I can post the rest of this. I hope to maintain my weekly posting schedule._

Chapter Two: Roads

Sometimes Tim felt like he worked more for the DEA then he did for NCIS. They were chasing drug dealers: _again_. He ran after their suspect, and watched him duck down an alleyway. Gibbs was a block back, but there had been enough times when the boss had ended up cutting off a chase that Tim didn't think twice before skidding around the corner and continuing to run down the alley. So he was blindsided with a stiff arm shooting out from behind a dumpster doubling him over and causing him to fall. And suddenly, there were three men, not just the one. He rolled, trying to recover and get back on his feet but to no avail. Kicks and punches rained down and it wasn't long before he lost consciousness from a boot to the temple.

Later, sitting in the doorway of an ambulance with an ice pack against his head and a blanket around his shoulders, the thing that hurt the worst was the look on Gibbs' face.

"What the hell were you thinking, McGee?" Gibbs demanded. "You never go into a situation without back up!"

"You were right behind me," Tim began.

"Don't interrupt me," Gibbs snarled. "They shouldn't have gotten the better of you anyway. I want you in the gym more. You need more sparring practice."

"I'll get Ziva –"

"No! None of the team. You know their moves, and they know yours. You need to be sparring with strangers. I don't care how you do it, but you _will_ get better. I want you practicing with multiple assailants, learning how to keep your feet; how to stay alive."

Tony watched silently from next to the sedan where the men who had beaten McGee were locked in. He couldn't believe how harsh Gibbs was being. Ever since he had come back from his medical leave, Gibbs was being tougher on Tim then he ever had been on anyone else. Even Blackadder, all those years ago. But every time Tony tried to say anything, he just got worse. The reactions, or lack thereof, from Tim were almost more disturbing. He just kept taking everything Gibbs dished out.

At home, Gibbs dropped the mask he'd worn to hide his fear and guilt, inspecting every hurt Tim had taken. He drew him a bath with Epsom salts and brought him an ice pack for the lump on his head, then took him to the bedroom after he'd soaked for a while.

"I'm okay," Tim told him gently. "A good night's sleep and I'll be back to myself. Please stop worrying." Tim's heart felt overflowing, and he vowed to himself that he would do everything he could to learn more self-defense so Gibbs would have less to worry about.

"Gibbs, it's just a minor concussion and some bruised ribs. I'm _okay_ , sweetie," Tim said softly.

"You don't get it. Head injuries are nothing to fuck with. Having too many of them puts you at risk later for dementia and other complications! I'm not going to let that happen to you." Gibbs cupped his face and looked deeply into his eyes. "I can't… You don't understand. You're so smart… I won't risk it. I'll change everything: I—I can't..."

Tim drew him close and carefully wrapped his arms around the older man. Gibbs was displaying a vulnerability he rarely allowed anyone to see. It made Tim feel loved and essential but it hurt his heart as well. Anytime Gibbs hurt, Tim did, too. And it was a stark reminder that Gibbs was aware of the possibilities he faced in the future with all the head injuries he'd sustained through the years. Tim didn't dare dwell on that, or his powerful imagination would gleefully grant him nightmares about the brilliant man he loved slowly degrading into a child-like state, or worse... He'd let himself go down that path in his mind before just to make sure he felt like having Gibbs in his life was worth the pain that would bring if it came to pass, but he no longer let himself think of it.

Gibbs shook his head and drew the covers back for Tim, who lay down without further protest. Climbing in beside him, Gibbs began to run his hands over Tim in long, gliding, feather-light touches. Though the strokes might have tickled, the intensity of Gibbs' attention kept Tim's sensitivity at bay. He shivered slightly instead, and brought his own hands to rest on Gibbs' hips.

Gibbs replaced the touching with tasting, and repeated the inspection of Tim's skin. The shivers became quakes, tiny tremors that ran through him, his sexual hunger awakened by the sensuous play of his lover's lips and tongue on his body. When he attempted to reciprocate the erotic touching, Gibbs firmly pressed Tim's hands against the mattress, obviously wanting to fully control their encounter.

"Gibbs... I'm okay. I want to -"

His words were cut off by a searing kiss, and he melted back when Gibbs' hand cupped his balls and slid up to stroke his erection. He whimpered at the soft, tender loving Gibbs visited on him, and cried out at the enveloping heat of his warm, wet mouth.

The older man was determined to make Tim feel as good as possible without undue tension adding to the pain of his bruises and strains. He carefully tongued the curving length of his cock and delicately mouthed his balls individually before returning to the sensitive glans. Tim's head shifted restlessly on the pillow, and from the tightness of his thighs, Gibbs knew he could make the younger man come quickly. Wetting one finger with saliva, he slid it into Tim, and began sucking his cock as he stimulated his prostate.

"Oh! Oh! Gibbs! Oh, god! I'm... I'm gonna... Aaahh!"

Swallowing Tim's semen was a pleasure Gibbs found he reveled in, and his own arousal crested, though he didn't climax. He shuddered with his own reaction, and moved up to enfold Tim in his arms and kiss him.

"Goodnight, my love," he whispered.

"I love you so much, Gibbs. Sleep well."

~~~NCIS ~~~

Rising stiff and sore at 0430, Tim went to headquarters and was in the gym by 0515. He was surprised to see the familiar face of probationary Agent Ned Dorneget pounding away at a heavy bag.

"Hey, Ned. How have you been?"

The tall man looked over and stared for a moment before he gave a short nod. "McGee."

Tim frowned when Ned went back to working the bag. He shrugged mentally though, assuming that the younger man didn't like being interrupted during a workout. He looked around and saw that there were half a dozen other people using various pieces of equipment, although no one was sparring on the mats. Tim began stretching.

By the time Dorneget had finished his work out on the heavy bag, Tim was done stretching and warming up. Ned went to the water cooler and got a drink, wiping his face with a towel, so Tim approached him there.

"Sorry I interrupted you," Tim began. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor and be a sparring partner with me for a while."

The big man's eyes met Tim's briefly, then slid away. Tim was surprised by the look he saw in them; it seemed almost disgusted and Tim had no idea why.

"Hey man, are we okay? You seem… Put out, or something," Tim said tentatively.

"Why didn't you tell me you were gay?" Dorneget asked, his voice harsh. "I told you that I was, and you never said anything."

"Ned, I'm not gay. I'm bi," Tim replied. He was shocked when Ned rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Come on. Bi? What, you can't admit that you prefer guys?"

"What do you mean? I'm bisexual. I was closeted when you told me you were gay, and it never occurred to me to say anything," Tim was honestly confused by the reaction.

"And you're sleeping with your boss. Dude. Gibbs? I don't even get that."

"You don't have to. It's not anyone else's business but ours. Now, I'm looking for a sparring partner; you seem pretty hostile, you wanna fight?"

Dorneget's eyes narrowed and swept Tim's bruised face. "You don't look like you're in any shape to spar."

"Try me," Tim insisted. He wasn't sure what Ned's problem was, but it probably meant he would be a good challenge, and training was what Tim was there for.

Dorneget finally shrugged and Tim walked to the center of the mat. They faced off and Tim effectively blocked all the punches Ned threw, utilizing moves Ziva had taught him that used Ned's larger frame against him.

"So what's your problem with bisexuals?" Tim asked as they circled one another.

"Come on, really? Supposed bisexuals are hiding behind hetero relationships to keep from facing what they really want. Why not just admit it?"

"That's interesting. I don't think I've ever heard that idea before. I had problems with the relationships I tried to have with guys because I was so closeted, but none of them ever had any problem with me being bi. A couple of them were bi, too."

Ned frowned, looking honestly confused. "You're serious?"

"Ned, I've had plenty of girlfriends. I dated Abby. I enjoyed sex with them, I even loved some of them. Now I'm in a relationship with Gibbs, and I enjoy the sex and I love him, so that pretty much defines bisexual to me."

Dorneget attacked and this time he landed a couple of good punches before Tim could defend. One was on his severely bruised right side, and he waved a timeout, holding it and twisting to relieve the ache.

"You okay?" Ned asked.

"Yeah," Tim took a deep breath and tried not to make a face at the pain. "I got beat up pretty bad yesterday: that's why I'm here. Gibbs wants me practicing more, and not with my team. He wants me fighting multiple assailants from all kinds of positions. I might need to wait until I heal up a bit more before I get serious."

"I'm sorry. Let me see."

Tim raised his T-shirt and Dorneget swore at the blackened bruise that he had hit. "Tim, you shouldn't be sparring right now. It looks like you should be in an ice bath."

"I just wanted to show Gibbs that I am willing to take on the additional workouts. He worries so much," Tim finished quietly. Ned tilted his head thoughtfully.

"You guys are serious, aren't you?"

"Yeah. This is it for me."

"But you insist you're bi?"

"I _am_ bi, Ned. I don't know why that's so hard for you to believe. LGBT: the B stands for bi, man."

"All of my gay friends, ever since college, have all thought the way I do. I'll try to take your word for it, though."

"If I let some of these bruises heal, would you do some more sparring with me? Maybe help me build up?"

"Sure, man. We are still coworkers, and I like you, Tim. I just felt like you hadn't been honest with me. But if you were closeted, well, I guess I understand you not saying anything."

"Thanks, Ned. Monday?"

"Yeah, 0500?"

"I'll be here."

"Now you should go put some ice on those bruises."

"Yes, mom," Tim smirked.

Dorneget punched him in the shoulder, only about half strength, but Tim still winced.

"Ice. Yeah."

Neither man noticed the glowering Medical Examiner on a stationary bike in the corner.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs returned from a coffee run, his thundercloud expression almost dimming the light in the entire squad room. McGee seemed to be the only one unaffected as Ziva's back straightened and she tensed as if preparing to fight and Tony's fidgeting increased.

"Boss, Ducky wants you in Autopsy," DiNozzo finally said, speaking in barely more than a mumble.

Gibbs reversed trajectory and went back to the elevator and down as requested.

"What's going on, Duck? We're on a drug case without any fatalities so far."

"So far _indeed_ , Jethro. Do you want to know what I saw this morning in the training room? Timothy!"

Ducky watched the shutters close in Gibbs' eyes and his face assume an unreadable mask. His eyes narrowed and he stood firm to challenge the intractable man.

"He needs to improve his physical skills."

"Not the morning after an injury which left him unconscious!"

Gibbs gave Ducky his best stare, but with a sinking feeling of guilt. Tim shouldn't have felt he had to go to the gym that morning. He should have made it clear that he meant he should get more sparring practice only after he'd healed.

"Jethro, I know you're worried about seeming to favor Timothy now that your relationship is out in the open, but you cannot put him in harm's way."

Remaining silent, all the newfound eloquence he seemed to have around Tim having deserted him, Gibbs waited for the doctor to continue as he knew he would.

"I am restricting him to desk duty for the week, as his _team leader_ should have done after the altercation yesterday. And I'm glad young Agent Dorneget has more sense than you _or_ Timothy. He refused to work out with him until he's better."

Gibbs façade cracked. "Duck, I have to make sure Tony and Ziva know they're safe, that I won't favor Tim."

Ducky's voice and demeanor softened. "You must find a balance, Jethro. You cannot endanger the person you love because of your job. If you're unable to continue to work together, it won't be the end of the world. Please, my friend... Don't destroy yourself or that young person over employment."

Gibbs shook his head. This job had saved his life and given him meaning for his continued existence. Now he had Tim, and a love that made that old foundation of his life seem somehow weaker, or at least more flexible than he'd imagined it could be. But his paternal instinct of protectiveness for his other two teammates kept him from letting go of what was once the only vital thing in his life. He felt a profound duality and he couldn't imagine finding a way to mesh the two.

~~~NCIS~~~

The rest of the week, Tim tried to show a stoic face while he was at work, but at home Gibbs fussed over him every night.

That weekend, Tim reminded Gibbs that while they had turned over the soil in the area where Tim wanted to plant a garden, they had never gotten further than that. They made a trip to a home and garden center, and learned a lot, talking with the employees there. They returned to the house discussing the possibility of a greenhouse as well. They worked the soil amendments in, and started to install the drip irrigation system they had purchased. Tim argued for the automatic moisture sensing system he could monitor from his phone, but Gibbs was reticent. It was expensive, and he was unconvinced that they would pursue this new hobby enough to warrant it.

When Tim went to IKEA with Ziva on Sunday morning, she expressed her concerns about how tough Gibbs was being on Tim. Reassuring her that they were fine, and he would prefer that his teammates just continued with business as usual, he then changed the subject to redecorating the house. After trying to talk about specific rooms and the light and colors, he realized that she hadn't spent enough time there to give him educated opinions, so he suggested that she come over one night that week if they weren't working a hot case. She hesitated, unsure if Gibbs would welcome the intrusion, but Tim insisted and she finally agreed.

As they walked out in the early afternoon, Ziva finally found she was relaxed enough to share her main concern.

"I worry that Gibbs is too old for you, my friend," Ziva finally confessed. He nodded understanding but didn't reply. He considered the different protests he could use and finally had to acknowledge that it was a valid concern.

"He's a lot older, yes. It means that our life together may be shorter than my lifetime. But I would take a single day with him and spend the rest of my life alone rather than not have that one day. I love him so much, Ziva..."

Her brooding frown softened. "I want happiness for you. I do not understand how he makes you happy; he is Gibbs! But if it is so, I will not speak of it again."

~~~NCIS~~~

By Monday, Tim's ribs were still sore, but he definitely felt up for the training he'd arranged for with Ned. He arrived early and stretched so he was ready when the other man arrived. After a quick warmup, they started sparring. Tim was used to being the taller opponent and having a longer reach, so he took several blows before he adjusted to Ned's style. Once he did, the bigger man had a hard time landing any punches and switched tactics himself. He dove in and used his weight to bear Tim to the mat and they wrestled until Tim finally got a joint lock on his leg and Ned tapped out.

Rolling to his feet, Tim offered Ned a hand up, which he accepted.

"I've never seen that lock before. Would you show me?" A woman's voice asked. Tim turned and saw a mid-thirties Agent standing at the edge of the mat.

"Sure, if you'll spar with me."

He ran her through the move, then faced off against her. Her moves relied more on not being where he expected her to be than on a contest of strength, as Ziva did, and he easily anticipated her moves after a few minutes and got her pinned quickly. They discussed her strategy briefly, then went again. She lasted longer, but Tim still bested her. Breathing hard, she bowed out, and Tim realized they were developing an audience. He recognized several faces of agents who had scorned him and driven him off from the gym at other times, and he tried not to resent that they now wanted to train with him. When the next person who came forward to challenge Tim was overly aggressive, he pulled out all the stops and took him down in seconds. The man grew angry and slapped Tim's proffered assisting hand away and leapt to his feet unaided. They faced off again and Tim had an even easier time putting him down.

"Getting mad only gets you stupid," Tim said to him quietly before he let him up. The man rolled his shoulder and glared at him, but nodded. They went a third time, and the man kept his head and lasted longer. But Tim still won.

"Damn, man, I never knew you were that fast," one of Balboa's team said.

"I've been training with Ziva for years. Had to get fast or keep getting my ass kicked by someone half my size," Tim replied, shrugging. "She still beats me three out of four times."

The onlookers laughed, and his shoulders relaxed a bit. "Gibbs wants me training against multiple assailants. Any two of you want to help me out?"

He watched as looks were exchanged between two men who had been in the gym when he'd been driven out, and raised his chin and nodded when they stepped silently forward.

The fight took longer. They were teammates and worked well together with one trying feints and the other taking advantage of Tim's distraction to land blows. Tim tried to keep his attention divided, tried to keep moving unpredictably to keep them from trapping him, but they ended up in a heap on the mat, with Tim pinned and struggling. After he'd given up, he asked them for advice and suggestions for how to deal with what they had done. The men were taken aback by his sincere desire to learn.

"You really wanna learn?"

"Yeah! This is all about being safer in the field; for _all_ of us. I ended up with a concussion last week. I need to be better so my team, so all of us are safer."

"Man, I thought you were thinking you were better than the rest of us, with you being on the top team and all."

"I just want to learn. I'm willing to teach, too. Can we spar again later this week? You two are good together."

The two exchanged a look and nodded, shaking his hand before everyone headed for the locker room. Tim was pleased to note that none of them blinked at he and Ned being in there with them. At least there wasn't any homophobia.

Tim hustled upstairs to the squad room just barely on time.

"Cutting it a little fine there, Probie!" Tony teased. Tim shrugged and unwrapped the breakfast burrito he'd just had time to warm up.

"Eat breakfast on your own time, McGee," Gibbs snapped. Tim stopped chewing and bundled the food up, setting it aside. He ignored the concerned glance from Tony and they got to work.

On Tuesday, Tim had to testify in court, so he didn't go in early to work out. He was finished by lunch and met Ziva for a sandwich at the café the team frequented.

They were still discussing decorating colors for the guest room as they returned to the office and failed to notice the hurt look on Tony's face when they came in, obviously having had lunch together.

"—you'll just have to come over and look at it before we go get paint chips. How about tomorrow night? Unless we get a case," Tim suggested, trying to wrap up their conversation before Gibbs returned from wherever he'd gone and yelled at him for socializing on the clock.

"Just because you had court this morning doesn't mean you can be a slacker, McLonglunch. Abby's got a possible lead from an old hard drive she ran some new decrypt-algo-whats-it on. Go help," DiNozzo snapped as Tim tried to settle at his desk. Tim frowned as he rose, wondering why Tony sounded so off, but he did as the SFA said and went down to the lab.

"Hey! You're lookin' sharp in that suit, Timmy! And the lavender tie and handkerchief are just the right touch of _you_ ," Abby complimented as he entered. Tim smiled and gave her a quick hug.

"I heard you're working a cold case with new tech?"

"Yeah! Did you know Ken Inselman at Berkley published his new decryption algorithm? I decided to run it on that hard drive from that Pentagon geek who was blackmailing his wife, remember? Gibbs suspected he was also selling secrets but without being able to get into his computer he couldn't prove it. I think the algorithm is gonna work but I could use your help integrating it," she said in her typical rapid-fire informative style.

They settled in to work.

"McGee! What the hell are you doing?" Gibbs' voice boomed over Abby's music an hour later. Tim's head shot up.

"Helping Abby with the—"

"Tony and Ziva are in the field without backup, damnit! I just came down from MTAC to a note on my desk!"

"They were here when—"

"Ziva got a lead on a cold case. Get your ass upstairs and back your team up like you're supposed to."

"Yes, Boss," Tim said, and all but ran for the stairs. Gibbs turned to follow.

"Gibbs!" Abby's tone was filled with disbelief. He looked over his shoulder at her from the doorway. "Why are you being so mean to McGee?"

He scowled and turned back to her. "I'm trying to keep the team together and he's letting them go out without backup! How the hell else should I treat him?"

"What do you mean? Is the team in danger? Oh my god! Has the Director threatened to break you up? He can't do that!"

"Tony and Ziva have to know that we won't show favoritism to each other. We need to have their backs more than ever, now. And Tim's just..."

Abby saw his mask of total confidence slip. His fear that he'd lose the team that had become his family was apparent to her, and she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"It'll be okay, Gibbs. You'll figure out the best way to keep the team safe. I know you will. Just don't push Timmy away doing it."

When Gibbs pulled free, his mask was back in place and he kissed her forehead before he returned to the squad room. Couldn't anyone see he was doing what he had to do?

~~~NCIS~~~

The lead Tony and Ziva were chasing fizzled, and the hard drive Abby was working on remained stubbornly encrypted, so the team got off on time at six. Gibbs sent Tim a text telling him to get takeout and meet him at Tim's old apartment after he stayed behind while the others took the elevator down to their cars. He finished up the forms he was filling out requesting a weekend off for his team, then gathered his things and drove to Silver Spring.

Tim found it disconcerting to be in his empty apartment. It had been his home for a long time, but that wasn't a comforting thought. He'd had a lot of painful loneliness and misery in those walls and he was glad it would be gone from his life soon. He much preferred the warmth of the house he was slowly starting to think of as home.

Gibbs arrived and they hugged silently then gave each other a quick kiss and dug into the food Tim had brought.

"So, what are we doing here?" Tim asked once their hunger had been satisfied.

"We gotta get it ready for inspection, right?"

"I figured I'd just sweep and clean the bathroom and kitchen. No way I'm getting my deposit back after all these years."

"Why not?"

"C'mon, haven't you ever rented? They rarely give the damage deposit back, or at least not much of it."

"What if there's no damage?"

"But there is! I banged the baseboards with furniture, the walls are scuffed, there's that funky windowsill in the bedroom-"

"We can fix all that."

"But why bother? They still won't give the whole deposit back."

"Wanna bet?"

Tim giggled. "What?"

"I bet we can get you your whole deposit back if we fix this place up, clean, and paint."

"That's a lot of work for not much reward, though."

Gibbs' smile grew playful and Tim stared raptly. He loved this side of his lover and rarely saw it. The blue eyes twinkled and the years fell away from him until Tim could glimpse the devastatingly gorgeous young man he must have been. He really needed to ask Jackson to bring pictures when he came to visit... Or find the photo albums Shannon must have made...

"So we make a _bet_."

"What are the stakes?"

Gibbs' eyebrow quirked. "Blowjobs on request for a week."

Tim burst out laughing. "Really?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"So if the landlord keeps even a penny, I can ask you at any time we aren't at work for oral sex and you'll give it to me?"

Nodding, Gibbs moved forward and kissed Tim sensuously. The younger man could taste a hint of the spicy Szechwan beef Gibbs had had, but he didn't care. Blowjobs from Gibbs were nothing to sneeze at, and he was already getting hard at the thought.

"Shall we demonstrate what we're playing for?" Gibbs growled. And suddenly Tim knew he'd be a winner either way. He rarely got to bring Gibbs to orgasm orally; the other man's stamina always allowed them time to do everything and they usually finished with Gibbs coming deep inside Tim's body. Tim wanted to taste Gibbs. Now.

"Hell yeah," Tim said, grinning. He quickly unfastened Gibbs' belt and trousers and pushed everything down, revealing that Gibbs was starting to harden as well. Tim dropped to his knees and sucked strongly, bringing Gibbs to full erection in seconds. Then he went to town. Teasing with his teeth, he ran them down the length and then gently rolled the loose balls between his lips. With his fingers, he started massaging his perineum and Gibbs groaned. Returning to the head, Tim ran his tongue around the edge, making Gibbs gasp, then he sensually tasted the fluid gathering in his slit. A moan made its way from Tim at the bitterness. The flavor was so totally _Gibbs_. He enveloped the twitching member and started slowly bobbing up and down. At the head he swirled his tongue around, and when he drew back, he sucked firmly.

"Oh, fuck!" Gibbs gasped. "I have _got_ to win this bet! God, Tim, you're amazing!"

Tim grinned around the cock in his mouth and just continued.

The slow pace was maddening and Gibbs' hips started stuttering, unconsciously trying to increase the speed at which Tim worked. Tim finally gave in and started moving faster, rubbing Gibbs' prostate firmly from the outside.

"Ah! Ah! Yes! Tim! Fuck! Yes!" Gibbs panted. He hadn't gotten to the edge of coming this fast in _years_.

With his free hand, Tim touched Gibbs' hip, encouraging him to go at whatever pace he wanted. Gibbs started thrusting hard and fast into the welcoming wetness of Tim's mouth, and he curled forward as he shot his load down his throat, giving a tremendous grunt of ecstasy, his body shaking with the power of his climax.

Tim gagged at the bitterness but swallowed quickly, thrilled at the reaction he'd gotten. When Gibbs stood there trembling in the aftermath, Tim got to his feet and held him.

Calming after the powerful orgasm, Gibbs turned his head and kissed Tim. He tasted his own bitter come in his younger lover's mouth and found that unbelievably sexy. He couldn't wait to return the favor.

"Get up on the counter. No pants," Gibbs ordered. He pulled his own clothes back into place while Tim hurried to obey.

When Tim was perched on the edge of the countertop, Gibbs grinned and then bent to begin. He was intimately familiar with what Tim liked best; he often brought him to a climax that way first just so Tim would last longer while they had sex. So while he would have liked to draw it out, the awkwardness of the angle and Tim's heightened arousal from getting Gibbs off made him go ahead and pull out the stops to make Tim finish quickly.

Wetting a finger, he pushed into Tim's tight pucker, getting a sharp cry as he did. Just good hard suction was the easiest way to get Tim off, so he hollowed his cheeks and started a rapid pace, curling his finger to rub Tim's prostate.

"Oh! Oh, Gibbs! Oh! Gonna—gonna—"

Tim's phone began to vibrate on the counter. Gibbs gave a powerful suck and pushed hard on Tim's sweet spot and Tim came with a cry, his hand slapping the counter in the direction of his cell. He whimpered and shuddered and jerked through his climax even as he blindly found his phone and brought it to his face. Blearily he squinted and groaned as Gibbs pulled away.

"My _mom_ ," he huffed. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat as he hit the button. He explained he'd been working out when she asked why he sounded out of breath, but he sobered when she reminded him that she was coming for a visit. Tim's stomach knotted but he made the appropriate sounds and agreed to get details from her later, then signed off.

"It'll be good to have it out in the open, Tim. I want us to tell Jack soon, too," Gibbs said after Tim informed him of what his mother had said. Tim wrapped his arms around his lover and held him, drawing strength from Gibbs' strength, as always.

They did a quick inventory of what repairs needed to be made in the apartment and then headed home.

~~~NCIS~~~

Ziva wasn't sure she was completely comfortable coming over to Gibbs' house with the intention of helping Tim change it, but she had agreed to it and had never been one to go back on her word. So Wednesday evening she parked on the street and made her way to the door.

Tim answered on her first knock and hugged her when she stepped inside. The differences between how Tim remained at work versus how he behaved away from there were growing. Here at his home, he was open and physically affectionate, as well as being more talkative; almost bubbly. She enjoyed his more relaxed persona but worried about the dichotomy and whether he would be able to maintain it long term.

"So down here will be a bigger project, and I want to talk with Gibbs more since he'll be living with this more than the guest room. I kinda want to build my designing confidence before I attack our main living space anyway," Tim said, smiling as he led her up to the guest bedroom.

"Where _is_ Gibbs?"

"Downstairs. He's making sure the finish on my desk is perfect. I'm so excited! He hasn't let me see it since he started staining it, but even unfinished, it was amazing. It's extra long so I can use my laptop on one end, and the other end will fit my typewriter, under a roll top! And the cover and the drawer right beneath it are tied into one lock, with a key and a fingerprint scanner. It looks like a traditional kind of lock, but Gibbs reinforced it so it's really pretty solid. I suppose someone could smash the whole desk, but that's pretty extreme. I'm thinking of adding an alarm. My manuscripts will be safe, now."

"That has worried you."

"Well, yeah... It was... I still struggle with whether my writing should continue when it cost people their lives."

Ziva put her hand on his arm and looked directly into his eyes. "It is not your fault. If not you, that man would have become obsessed with another. And we stopped him before he went any further. Someone who was just a writer would not have been able to do that. Your writing is important to you and I am glad you have not given it up."

Tim's eyes were bright and he swallowed hard, then hugged her. "Thank you."

Clearing his throat, he turned back to the room. "Gibbs and I went through all the boxes of stuff he had in here. The ex-wives left the strangest things, and for whatever reason, he just threw it all in boxes and crammed them wherever," Tim shook his head, then shrugged. "There was a pretty blue scarf, but Gibbs wouldn't let me keep it. He's more superstitious than I would ever have guessed."

This time Ziva shook her head, unable to imagine that Gibbs' reticence would have been about superstition rather than the more practical reason of not wanting to be reminded of a bad relationship in this new good one. "The room is very empty right now, with just the bed and nightstand. What furniture do you want in here?"

"I'm gonna move my old writing desk in here, but I think a big, comfy chair in that corner would be good, too."

"Perhaps a small table and lamp for reading as well?"

"Yeah! Might be able to find one of those combination ones..."

They moved on to possible colors and agreed that a sage green or neutral would probably work the best. They decided to get paint chips from the hardware store that evening, then go to a restaurant and have their "girl's night". Tim grabbed his jacket and his shoulder bag, which he privately thought of as his purse, then called down from the doorway at the top of the basement stairs. Ziva waited several steps back, curious to witness the exchange between the two.

"We're going! Please eat something tonight; there's plenty of leftovers in the fridge."

"I never starved before you moved in. Not gonna start now," Gibbs replied, coming up the stairs. Ziva pushed Tim aside to glower at Gibbs' gruff response. His relaxed smile took her aback, and her expression changed from indignant to puzzled. She looked at Tim, who giggled.

"Come on, Ziva," he said, pulling her away. "Love you!" He said over his shoulder.

"You, too, babe." The words drifted after them.

"I told you we're fine, Ziva. I know it's still awkward at work, but here at home, we're practically in the honeymoon phase still." He smiled and walked determinedly straight to his car and got into the driver's seat, short-circuiting the argument about who would drive. He watched in his mirror as she stopped, having moved toward her own vehicle, then she shrugged and came around and got in.

"Next time, I will drive," she grumbled as she fastened her seatbelt when he pointed at it and made no move to start the car until she reached for it. "I do not understand why at work he is so..."

"He's trying to figure out how to make it possible that we stay together as a team. He has to work that out in his own way, so I'm just being as patient as I can be."

At the hardware store, Tim waved at Hayden, the employee who normally helped Gibbs when he needed wood for a project. The older man was busy with a customer, and Tim knew right where the paint cards were located so they didn't end up working with him. Since Tim was uncertain if Gibbs had ever revealed the nature of their relationship, he was content to leave the greeting at that.

Tim found himself more and more drawn to the sage greens, and he pulled a number of cards to look at in the room at home, liking how a pale, peachy pink was an old-fashioned but beautiful compliment. Ziva insisted he take a few neutral beige and ivory samples as well, since it would be Tim and Gibbs choosing the paint color together and she thought the older man would like the option. Wandering into the wallpaper, Tim took several pictures of prints to add to their choices. After that, they left, and went to dinner.

Talking and enjoying the company, Tim was pleased with his evening when he watched Ziva drive away. Gibbs was waiting in the living room, and he set his book aside immediately, rising for a hug and kiss.

"Mmm. I've gotten spoiled having you home in the evenings. I missed you," Gibbs murmured. Tim sighed, smiling.

"Me, too. We'll have to try some friend time with you and me and Ziva."

Gibbs drew back and looked at Tim as he changed the subject.

"You feel like helping me put your desk upstairs?"

Tim's face lit. "It's finished? Yay!"

They went down to the basement and Tim oo-ed and ah-ed appropriately. It was a beautiful piece, precisely crafted, finished in a deep red-brown and polished until the grain of the wood glowed with a shimmer, even under the bare lighting. Tears filled Tim's eyes as he ran his fingers lightly over it, and Gibbs put his arms around him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder and placing a soft kiss on his neck, thrilled at the reaction. Turning in his embrace, Tim kissed him long and slowly, trying to express his gratitude and appreciation as well as his love.

"Let's get this beast upstairs and set so we can go to bed," Gibbs suggested. Tim grinned. "I already moved your other one into the guest room."

They took their time moving the heavy, long desk carefully first up the basement steps, then to the second floor. Once it was in place, Tim sat in his rolling chair at Gibbs' insistence and moved back and forth between the two ends, unlocking the roll top and feeling how it glided smoothly up and down. While he had it open, Gibbs brought his typewriter over and they put it inside, locking it securely away. The smile Tim gave him as he turned and stood before Gibbs was blinding, and Gibbs' return grin was thrilled. Tim put his hands lightly on Gibbs' hips and gave him a quick kiss. Gibbs cupped his face and they stood that way for several heartbeats, then Tim slid his hands lower, the sweet touch becoming sensual. Gibbs' thumbs caressed his cheeks, their smiles melting in the heat that rose between them. Magnetically, their mouths drew together and they kissed like it would never end.

Eventually, Gibbs broke it and smiled gently. Tim's breathing was rapid and he was shaking with need. "Please..." He whispered. Gibbs' smile became almost sinister, and he wrapped his left arm around Tim, unbuttoning his jeans and sliding his right hand into the opening, palming his erection through his underwear. Tim shuddered and cried out. Gibbs kept a firm hold on Tim's waist while he teased him until the fabric of his plain white briefs grew damp. "Gibbs! Oh, _Gibbs_..." Tim moaned, dropping his head to rest against his lover's. Gibbs finally gave in and bypassed the cloth to begin stroking him. He adored making Tim come as many times as he could, so he knew this was only the beginning. Tim's hips jerked in time with the movement of Gibbs' hand on him until the older man felt him swell just slightly more as he cried out again, throwing his head back as he climaxed.

Tim's lanky frame sagged against him, but Gibbs was far from done. He smeared the semen around on his hand, lubricating his fingers and wiggling his hand lower to reach behind Tim's balls and press into him. Tim gave a shout, his knees beginning to fold before he locked them, spreading his legs to give Gibbs freer access. He was still panting from his orgasm, but he hedonistically wanted the pleasure to continue and knew Gibbs would do just that. Two fingers moved and twisted inside him and he hungered for more.

"Bed...please... Can't..." Tim gasped. He looked pleadingly at Gibbs, who grinned even bigger. Adjusting his angle, he crooked his fingers and watched Tim's beautiful face turn redder as he writhed at the stimulation. Gibbs swallowed the sounds he made, kissing him hard, possessing Tim's mouth with his tongue, then slowly withdrew his hand. They moved to the bedroom and undressed one another. The urgency Tim had felt was past and he wanted to get back some of his own. When he removed Gibbs' t-shirt he ran his knuckles over the older man's nipples several times, until he made him groan. They deliberately rubbed against each other as they finally both stood naked. Tim was half-hard again already, and Gibbs thrust his own erection into him, drawing their bodies tightly together until he felt Tim stiffen in response.

"Oh, Tim, baby... You up for two more? I wanna bend you over and fuck you until you come, then lay you down and make love until you go again..." Gibbs growled into Tim's ear. The younger man simply turned around and spread his legs, arching his back while he braced himself on the mattress. It was Gibbs' turn to lock his knees when they grew weak at the way his lover accepted what he wanted and gave himself up to him with perfect trust. Gibbs grabbed the lube and lined up, pushing forward in the tiniest increments he could manage.

Tim struggled to hold still and let Gibbs set the pace. He wanted to feel him; all of him, right away. But he was in the mood to surrender completely to Gibbs' desires, knowing his lover would take care of both of them. He whined a little in protest of the lack of speed, but Gibbs just rubbed his hand over Tim's lower back, and he settled immediately. The submission Tim was expressing made ideas and fantasies flash through Gibbs' mind. The possibility of Tim wanting to explore the depths and heights of Dominance and submission had never occurred to him. It was something to consider. As he finally bottomed out, he let himself think about how Tim would look tied down; black leather on his pale, pale skin, trust in his gorgeous eyes... Maybe that would be a way to expand their horizons together. Gibbs realized he could go the opposite way with Tim sometime: keep him on the edge of orgasm for an extended time instead of giving him multiple climaxes. It would be fun to try, and the thought turned him on enough that he started thrusting hard and rapidly into Tim very suddenly, making him give a small yelp. He grabbed Tim's hips and adjusted the angle until he was sure he was hitting Tim's sweet spot.

"Ah! Gibbs! Oh! Gonna... Gonna... Oh!"

Gibbs reached around and used his thumb and first finger to clamp down on the base of his lover's cock. He held on as he nailed Tim's prostate until he was sobbing for completion. The control factor of making Tim wait to come was thrilling. When he couldn't stand the pleas anymore, he used his free hand to pull Tim more upright, then roughly stroked him while humping fast.

Tim wasn't sure if he had found heaven or hell with Gibbs fucking him far beyond when his body demanded release and holding him so he couldn't achieve it. But when their position changed and Gibbs jerked him off, Tim's entire body arched backward with the most powerful orgasm he'd had in weeks. He stood on his toes and heard his voice make a howl he'd never emitted before as he came in blinding pulses.

That sound was beyond beautiful to Gibbs. He reveled in it, and in the knowledge that he would hear it again one day. He'd have to go shopping and get supplies... he had already planned a weekend getaway to someplace remote... But for right now, all he wanted was to make love tenderly to his amazing partner, face to face, kissing him and breathing in the life of him. He carefully withdrew and settled Tim on the bed. He grabbed extra pillows to ease the strain on Tim's hips and pushed the pliant man's legs up and out before adding lube and sliding back into him, resting across his chest. His lips were a hairsbreadth away from Tim's while he waited for him to regain coherence. It was several minutes before those beloved eyes opened to look into his.

"I love you, Tim."

"Oh, Jethro..."

His given name, breathed almost silently from his lover's mouth was all Gibbs needed. He began moving, taking his time and enjoying the heat and pressure as much as the heart-stopping connectedness he felt. Kissing tenderly, they moved together with only a soft moan or grunt as they made love. Tim grew hard again, and though Gibbs wanted to keep going, the feel of that firmness trapped between their bellies and the change in the noises Tim made raised his ardor and so the leisurely pace increased. Tim gave a small sound with each thrust, and Gibbs started going harder and faster. The cries grew, until Tim was undulating under his lover, rolling his hips to meet each movement and maintain the friction on his cock.

"Oh, Gibbs! Jethro, love! Yes! God! Oh! Oh!"

"That's it babe, you're gonna come for me. I love you, Tim. Love you so much..." Gibbs gave a groan as Tim's body locked up, clenching hard. He snapped his hips forward several more times, then froze in his own ecstatic finish.

Falling heavily onto Tim's chest, Gibbs lay there in a stupor. It was soft whispers of love and gliding fingers tracing his spine that brought him back to awareness. He rose on his elbows and kissed Tim lovingly. They shared a warm smile before Gibbs rose and went for a washcloth.

When they were both clean, they crawled under the covers and held each other.

"I'm glad you have that big washer," Tim said quietly.

" _We_ have."

"Yeah. And that the comforter is machine washable. Can you imagine having to haul this thing to a dry cleaners three times a week? I'm thinking I'll look for a couple of throws we can put on the foot of the bed. More convenient than washing this whenever we get come on it."

Gibbs kissed his temple. "You're so practical."

"I also love to shop."

Gibbs chuckled. "Yet another feminine trait, my dear."

Tim snuggled deeper into Gibbs' side and closed his eyes. "Love you."

"You, too. G'night."

"'Night."

~~~NCIS~~~


	3. We Are Family

Chapter Three: We Are Family

Thursday morning Tim went early to the gym and found that the session on Monday had loosened everyone up. He had no trouble finding people to spar with. Once the workday started, Tim contentedly weathered Gibbs' stoic silence and enjoyed continuing his decorating discussion with Ziva.

Tony remained unaccountably quiet as he listened to his teammates talk about hue and lighting. Gibbs wasn't yelling at Tim at least, but when Tim and Ziva's conversation went on too long, one glance from their leader was all it took to silence them.

The squad room grew so quiet in fact, that one of Balboa's team darted through, using the area as a shortcut to the elevator. He jumped when he was halfway across their workspace with four sets of eyes on him.

"Sorry! I thought you guys were out on a case!" The man squeaked and nearly ran the rest of the way.

Cold cases remained that way, and the team went home at 1800.

Tim took advantage of the extra time at home to make elaborate chicken nachos, which earned him an appreciative nod from Gibbs, a rarity when Tim cooked anything other than beef.

When Tim's phone buzzed as he and Gibbs sat on the couch reading, he was surprised to see it was Sarah. He showed the picture on the screen to the older man, who set his book down to listen to Tim's side of the conversation.

"Hi," he answered.

"Hi."

Tim waited, needing for her to take the lead. After all, she'd been the one who cut their previous conversation rudely short.

"They're fumigating my apartment this weekend."

"Okay," a perverse stubborn streak kept Tim from further comment.

"Um, can I use your apartment? I know you're not staying there..."

"You can't stay at the apartment. You can stay here. At our house. We have a guest room. It's a bit bare right now, but Ziva and I are redecorating it on Saturday. You don't mind if we take some measurements while you're here-"

"I'll do 'em," Gibbs interrupted.

"Hang on. What?"

"If she stays with us, she won't want you in there on Saturday morning. I'll get your measurements tonight."

"Oh. Um, okay. So are you gonna come tomorrow night? We can have dinner together."

"I... I don't mind making a bed on the floor at your old place..."

"Nope. There's nothing left there, Sarah, not even dishes or a microwave. This is where I live now, so if you're going to stay with me, it's going to be here," Tim waited, biting his lip nervously, the tell belying his confident tone of voice. After a long pause, his sister huffed out a sigh.

"Fine. Text me the address. I'll be there at seven."

"Good. I'll see you then. I'm glad you called."

"Yeah."

They disconnected and Tim sat and stared across the room for a long minute.

"Well, we'll have our first guest for the guest room," Tim said. Gibbs rubbed his back.

"It'll be okay."

Tim and Gibbs discussed the color choices for the guest room at length after that, with Tim insisting Gibbs express his opinion rather than just shrug. The younger man was beginning to get upset, and Gibbs took him by the arms and looked hard into his eyes.

"Tim, this is your project. I'll be happy with anything you do in there because you did it. This is your home, too, babe. Do whatever you like."

"I think I like the sage green for the walls, and maybe cream and peach for accents in the bedding and window coverings," Tim said. "But there was this one wallpaper that had all three, kind of old-fashioned, and I've never put up wallpaper and if you don't like it—"

"Babe, I'll help you do the work. And old-fashioned is fine by me. It'll be good for the people who come visit."

Tim thought about what Gibbs must have meant by his last comment about the guest room later and swallowed hard to realize he had been talking about Jackson Gibbs. The thought of telling Gibbs' father made Tim consider telling his own dad, and that made his gut twist. He quickly turned his thoughts on to other things.

~~~NCIS~~~

Their quiet streak at the office continued, and Tim gladly went home to make last minute preparations for his sister's arrival.

Sarah arrived promptly. She had a large suitcase and two more bags, but Tim refrained from giving her a hard time for overpacking for two days, not wanting to start out the weekend with a fight. He just carried it all up to the guest room. They'd cleared the boxes out and cleaned, but other than the bed, a nightstand, and one of Tim's old desks, replaced by the beautiful piece that Gibbs had made for him, there wasn't anything else in there.

"Man, you weren't kidding!" She said, looking at the scuffed, bare white walls and faded ivory sheers.

"I'll show you the possibilities and you can tell me what colors you think would work in here. Ziva and I are going shopping tomorrow." Tim's voice was a little hesitant and almost shy, but he didn't stammer at all, which she noticed. He'd changed into jeans but had a lavender button down shirt on, and she had to admit that with all the weight he'd lost, he looked really good.

Dinner was quiet, Gibbs reverting to his functional mute persona, but Tim didn't mind. He definitely didn't want to fight with Sarah, and he hoped that if she saw them together, happy, in their home, she might chill out about the age gap. She did help clean up, then pleaded the need to study and went up to her room.

The next morning, Sarah came downstairs in running tights and a Waverly sweatshirt, and took Tim up on the offer to accompany her on her run. He let her set the pace, though she rolled her eyes when she noticed and sped up. He smiled inwardly but still kept up with ease. She glared when they dropped to a walk for a cool-down a few blocks from the house and he wasn't even winded.

"You're in better shape than you let on," she accused. Her own breath took a block to slow.

"I'm a cop, Sarah. When I have to chase suspects. I had better be able to catch them, or I wouldn't be worth having in the field with my team."

She snorted and they went indoors to stretch, the fall air having an unpleasant bite to it. He felt her watching and could tell she was impressed with his flexibility as well when he dropped his forehead to his thighs, wrapping his arms around behind his knees. He tried not to chuckle, knowing that he kept limber more for sex than work.

"Huh. I'm gonna shower," Sarah said, heading back upstairs. Tim unfolded from his stretch and joined Gibbs in the kitchen. He poured a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter beside the older man. From the level in the pot, he knew Gibbs had had two cups already and so was safe to engage in conversation. In fact, Gibbs himself broke the silence.

"Do you think it'll occur to her that you regularly have your knees up by your ears in bed?"

Tim choked on his coffee, narrowly avoiding a spit-take. He set the mug down and laughed into the hand-towel Gibbs held out, wiping his chin.

"No, I figure if she thinks about it at all she probably figures all gay sex is doggy style."

Tim got out the waffle iron and started mixing batter. Gibbs set his mug down and enveloped him from behind, bumping his hips against Tim's ass. Tim paused in his whisking and wriggled back against him, enjoying the playfulness Gibbs exhibited.

Planting a kiss on the back of Tim's neck, Gibbs released him and resumed his casual pose against the sink, sipping his coffee.

By the time Sarah came back down, Tim had hot sauce, brown sugar, and green olives out on the counter for waffle toppings for her, and he was sitting alone at the table eating his own with more traditional butter and syrup and a side of sausage.

"Where's your boyfriend?" She asked. He bit back a frustrated reply. He wasn't sure why that term grated on him as badly as it did.

"Gibbs is downstairs. He's working on a bookcase to go in my office. Did you see the amazing desk he made me?"

"It looks kinda weird. Why's it so long?"

"The roll top has my typewriter under it, and the other end is for writing or working on my laptop or whatever."

"Oh. That's kind of cool. Are you working on anything?" She brought her plate in, and in typical little sister fashion, didn't thank him for catering to her bizarre food tastes. He inwardly rolled his eyes.

"New book. The team is on a case on a ghost ship that sinks and leaves them stranded in a Zodiak at sea."

"End up on a desert island?"

"Uh-huh. Tibbs' boat-building knowledge will come into play, I think."

Sarah shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Kinda far-fetched, but I guess it's fiction, so you can do whatever you want."

Tim hid his amusement, thinking of the case the idea had been drawn from. She probably would scoff at the theatrics even more if he said the Navy had blown the ship up deliberately, but that was exactly what had happened, leaving them in a small Russian craft. Gibbs' abilities truly had come in handy in getting them home, as well.

"I'm still in the research stage, so it's a ways out. We'll see how it goes," Tim said, finishing up his last bite. "Did you leave any hot water?"

"Some, probably," she said primly. Tim laughed and kissed her on the top of her head as he took his dishes to the kitchen.

"Ziva will be here in half an hour, so I've gotta get ready. Any opinion on the color chips I left in there?"

She shrugged. "The green, I guess. But are you really gonna use pink, too?"

"Yeah, I love the combination. There's a wallpaper I'm considering that has those on a cream background."

"That might be better than all green walls," she called as he mounted the stairs.

"Yeah, I'm leaning that way," he said loudly, then clumped harder down the hall to let her know he was done with the conversation. He showered and shaved, then picked out a forest green shirt to go with his jeans. He thought he was definitely going to look good with one of his leather jackets and he hummed as he jogged lightly down the stairs.

Sarah was still sitting at the table and she looked over as he breezed by. He grabbed his purse and brought it back and set it on the table, transferring keys and wallet into it, checking his comb and breath spray were still inside. He pulled a couple of receipts that were floating loosely within and entered them into his budget app on his phone before throwing them out. His sister watched him.

"You do look...good. Happy," she said, sounding begrudging.

"Thanks, Sarah. I am. Really happy. I'll see you later, okay?" He put the strap over his head and slung his bag back before he headed down to let Gibbs know Ziva would be there soon and they'd be leaving after he showed her the master bedroom to get her opinion on a new chair he was considering buying.

Ziva followed Tim up the stairs after she arrived. Sarah had retreated to the guest room, and Ziva didn't comment on Tim's sister seeming to avoid her. They had discussed the color plan over lunch at work, but Tim wanted to show her the chair in the master bedroom so she could help him work out what fabric it could be re-covered in if he decided not to buy the new one. That was his excuse to revisit the colors in their room so he'd be able to casually suggest getting a couple of extra throw blankets for the bed. She looked around in keen curiosity, only having been upstairs when she and Tony had helped Tim move in and earlier in the week when he'd showed her the guest room.

The door to the tiny bedroom next to the master was partway open. It had been firmly shut the whole time they had schlepped boxes inside, and she paused to peek. The walls were a soft peach color, but the room was filled with boxes stacked haphazardly. She thought she saw a petite white dresser buried under a dusty pile. Hurrying to catch up to Tim, she recognized that the room must have been Gibbs' daughter's. She found it sad that the little girl's furniture remained, shrouded in disused cast-offs.

They chatted about the colors as they made their way back downstairs and outside. Tim tried to walk to his own car, but Ziva stopped him with a glare.

"It is my turn to drive," she insisted. Tim resisted the urge to dramatically cross himself as she started the car and pulled out.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs came upstairs around lunchtime and made a sandwich. Sarah was in the living room, sitting on the couch reading.

"Hey. You want something to eat?" He offered. She declined but wandered over to where he sat at the table when he was almost through with his lunch.

"I'm sure Tim told you what I said," she started. He hadn't, but Gibbs let her continue without revealing that. "I want you to know it's not you, exactly. It just... It's the age thing, and working as well as living together..."

He finished his last bite before he responded.

"Bad idea. Bad timing, bad professionally..." He admitted.

"I expected you to defend it."

"I know it's not ideal, Sarah."

"How do you guys even have anything in common? You're disco, he's techno. You're analog, he's digital. Your cultural references are all wrong!"

"Because of our ages?"

"Yeah! I dated a guy who was seventeen years older than me. He didn't get my point of view on... Anything."

Gibbs paused, organizing how to explain things to a girl who was so stubborn and immature that she'd stomped out on Tim in the middle of dinner. "You're from a military family. You ever had friends who weren't?"

"Sure."

"And you had to explain stuff to them that was different from the way non-military people are."

"Of course."

"We already both speak that language."

"But—"

He gave her a look and she settled.

"Law enforcement has its own stuff that outsiders don't get, too. The hours we work together... The constant danger... Depending on each other... We have a language and a culture that you don't get because you're not part of it."

She frowned but didn't protest. He took that as a good sign.

"With it being every single day, life and death, it trumps the music we listen to, the jargon we use... All that."

He could tell she was thinking hard, so he nodded and put his plate in the sink, going back to the basement to sand the bookcase he was building. He hoped that talking to her that way would get her to ease up on Tim, but he figured he'd just have to wait and see.

Tim returned home with three throws for their bed, two in purple and one turquoise and navy, the wallpaper and linens for the guest room, and pictures of the furniture he liked. He had determined it would be better to get Gibbs' approval as well as use his truck when they actually brought larger pieces home. Besides, Tim really wanted to show Gibbs IKEA.

They didn't get to use any of the throws for their intended purpose until after Sarah had left since they had politely refrained from having sex while she was in the house, but Sunday night when she had gone back to her apartment, Gibbs grabbed Tim as soon as she was gone.

"Been wanting you all weekend, babe," he said, kissing Tim.

Tim laughed breathlessly. "Any particular reason?"

"You talking about decorating and carrying that purse... I love how girly you can be. C'mon, let's go upstairs and I can show you," Gibbs replied. Tim blushed and readily agreed.

Gibbs got Tim to help him undress then reclined on the bed. "Will you undress for me? Real slow? Maybe with music?"

Tim obediently put music on and turned the lights down. He realized as he stripped, dancing a bit between articles of clothing, that he wanted to be better at it. He made a mental note to research and practice some different dance moves.

As he tossed his boxers toward the hamper, Gibbs sat up and crawled to the end of the bed. Their kisses became aggressive, and Gibbs smirked at the placement of the new blanket beneath them. Might as well try it out, he decided.

It wasn't long before he got them rearranged so Tim was kneeling on top of the throw and Gibbs was pounding his hard cock into him.

"Yes! Yes! Oh god, Gibbs! Yes!" Tim cried. Gibbs pushed on Tim's hips so he had a better angle on Tim's sweet spot and nailed it relentlessly. "Aaahh! Ngh! Ngh! Ooohhh, yeah..."

Tim came, shuddering and whimpering, jetting copious amounts of semen onto his newest purchase. His climax, along with the long wait (for them) since they'd been together, wrought Gibbs' climax from him as well.

The older man shook and gasped at the intensity and he leaned heavily on Tim for a while before he finally pulled out and cleaned up, tossing the blanket into the laundry basket. They agreed it had worked well, then drifted contentedly to sleep.

~~~NCIS~~~

The work week passed in a whirl. Monday afternoon, they got a callout; a Petty Officer's daughter had gone missing. The call the family received at 1700 confirmed it as a kidnapping when the father of one of her friends told them his son had seen her persuaded into a blue sedan after school. The Amber alert had sparked the information, and the team went into action.

With no ransom call within the first twenty-four hours, everyone became tense. Gibbs grew frantic and began roaring at everyone, not just Tim. They all knew from long familiarity that cases with kids were difficult for their leader, but they explored every avenue and came up empty, working thirty-seven straight hours. They napped at their desks and kickstarted into motion when they got a tip from a sheriff's department in a town several hours away.

On their way in minutes, Tony and Ziva drove one sedan, and Tim rode with Gibbs. He didn't dare say anything lest he invoke Gibbs' notorious wrath, but he risked resting his hand on his lover's shoulder briefly as they got going. The tension around Gibbs' eyes eased ever so slightly, and so Tim settled in for a wildly fast ride.

When they turned off the highway toward the farmhouse they'd been directed to, Tim ventured the suggestion that they wait for Tony and Ziva's arrival for backup and cringed as Gibbs nearly ripped his head off.

Exiting the car, Gibbs started down the track. Tim took a deep breath and called him back. Fury was writ large on the older man's face and Tim felt the laser gaze all the way to his feet, but he held out the tactical vest stubbornly as he strapped on his own. Gibbs snarled but acquiesced, putting the vest on. He took the radio Tim gave him as well and they performed a quiet check.

Tim also held out his tablet with a satellite view of the farmhouse from Google maps. Gibbs took the information in and then ordered Tim to circle around back to cover any retreat.

They approached and Tim split off just before they came into sight of the house. Tim hustled through the trees and then into the overgrown fields, crouching low and moving with his weapon drawn. When he was across from the back porch, he crept forward to the edge of his cover and hunkered down in place, scanning the empty windows and the area around the house for any movement. The breeze knocked a broken clothesline with clothespins still attached against the metal frame it hung from, but that was all. He strained his hearing to listen for raised voices or the sound of a struggle. Hearing a soft yip, like a far off coyote, he cocked his head and waited for it to repeat so he could dismiss it. The next time it sounded different and he frowned. The wind died and he made out that it was someone crying. His adrenaline spiked. Maybe it was the girl!

Searching the windows for any hint of a watcher and finding none, Tim darted across the yard and flattened himself against the house beside the sagging porch. He followed the sound to the corner of the house and dared a quick look along the side. His heightened alertness brought him the sound of two male voices, calmly talking, and familiarity told him one was Gibbs. His glimpse around the corner had revealed the door to a storm cellar. He thought that was where the crying had been coming from, but the sound had ceased.

He looked again, and, seeing nothing to indicate anyone else was nearby, he crept toward the battered wooden door.

"Madeline?" He hissed, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible. A whimper answered him and he took it as confirmation. There was a large, worn tire resting on top of the silvering wood of the doors, probably once a tire swing from the rope attached to one side, but now seemingly a makeshift lock keeping the child in the dark. Tim decided in an instant that getting the girl out of danger was worth the risk he'd be putting on Gibbs as he stood unknowingly talking to the kidnapper. Tim glanced at his watch and estimated that Tony and Ziva would arrive any moment.

Lifting the heavy tire, Tim then opened the door as little as he could and peered inside.

A shriek like Newt from Aliens answered the light and Tim hit his radio.

"I've got the girl!" He called to Gibbs as he let the door crash open. He carefully stepped down four steep, rickety stairs and spread his hands toward the figure who had stopped screaming and was curled in a ball in the corner, sobbing wildly. He heard a scuffle and several thumps, but he focused on the child before him.

"Madeline, I'm Tim. I'm here to take you home, honey. I work with the Navy like your Dad. You want to go see him, don't you?"

But the girl was inconsolable. Tim approached and continued to talk in a calm voice. There was a shout and more thumps from the house and he desperately wanted to go help Gibbs, but he knew his boss would much prefer he help the victim first.

"Madeline, can you look at me, sweetie? Come on now, I want to help you get out of here and go home."

A crash sounded, then silence. Tim shook his head. He needed to get the girl out and safe. If the kidnapper had bested Gibbs, then she was in grave danger and he couldn't afford to get trapped down in the cellar with her.

"I'm gonna pick you up and carry you outside. We have to go now."

He lifted her and she just curled tighter into a ball. He could feel something crusted on her clothes and he hoped for her sake it was mud or waste. But there was a metallic tinge to the stink of fear on her, and he knew she hadn't gotten through this unscathed. He climbed the steps and looked around before he made a quick dash for the nearest cover: a big tree with a frayed piece of rope dangling from one branch. The remnants of the tire swing, probably.

Movement from the dirt track in front of the house caught his attention, and Tim hit his radio. "South side; tree," he said. Tony's head turned and the SFA ran to him. Tim shoved the girl into Tony's arms. "Get her out! Gibbs was inside with the kidnapper. I have to get to him! Send Ziva in the front."

Tim ran to the house, barely keeping the wherewithal to go to the back and follow procedure by clearing rooms as he went. Of course, the case early in his career when he hadn't was a painful lesson learned, so he did it, regretting every moment it took. He heard Ziva clearing from the front and worried that she hadn't found Gibbs yet.

He moved into a side bedroom of the house and saw Gibbs standing over a man on the floor. He almost wept in relief. Gibbs didn't even look hurt. But he looked deadly furious.

"Boss? I'm gonna cuff him, okay?" Tim said, approaching even more tentatively than he had in the cellar. He heard Ziva speaking quietly to Tony over the radio and in person from the doorway.

"How's the girl?" Gibbs growled.

"Alive."

Gibbs snarled. He could read in Tim's voice that she was not unharmed.

Tim reached down and put handcuffs on the presumed kidnapper. The man's face was swelling from his encounter with Gibbs and he groaned as Tim hauled him to his feet. Ziva took him from Tim's grasp, silently understanding that Gibbs was in a volatile and dark place emotionally. She pointedly turned away and took their perp outside.

Tim warily moved closer to Gibbs. "Boss?" He said. Gibbs' lip curled. Tim shook his head. "Jethro, we got her. She survived. You can't do this to yourself," he whispered.

Gibbs' eyes flashed as he finally looked at Tim. He took a breath to condemn the younger man for crossing their boundaries but found he couldn't. Tim's words had stripped him of being Special Agent Gibbs and left him Jethro, the man who had never recovered from the devastating loss he'd suffered. Every child he worked to protect or save or avenge was somehow in part Kelly to him, and Tim understood that.

The agony in Gibbs' eyes was too much. Tim stumbled forward and wrapped his arms around him. Gibbs relaxed against him, drawing on Tim's strength, but only for a moment. Tim let him go when he straightened, his heart aching that he couldn't do more right then. But it was nothing short of miraculous that the older man had even let him do what he had, so Tim moved back, checked in with Tony and Ziva on the radio, then informed Gibbs that Madeline was on her way to the hospital and they were taking their suspect back to process him.

Gibbs remained silent through the entire drive back, and Tim let him go as he headed toward the coffee shop down the street when they pulled into the parking garage at headquarters. Inside, Tony and Ziva were at their desks. By the time Gibbs returned with his coffee, the three had a plan in place to support their boss.

Tony asked for the interrogation, with Ziva backing him up in his argument for doing so. Gibbs reluctantly agreed and he and Tim stood and watched from the observation room.

Tim subtly supported Gibbs while the man confessed to kidnapping Madeline but not to hurting her. He claimed there was an accomplice, but couldn't keep his story straight as he tried to convince Tony. Ziva prowled the room like a predator, ratcheting up the man's nerves. In typical DiNozzo style, Tony talked the man in faster and faster circles until he finally slipped up and implicated himself. Then Tony pressed him relentlessly until he was shouting his confession.

His twisted ranting, trying to justify his horrifying actions, turned Tim's stomach, and the tiniest reactions he sensed in Gibbs tore his heart. He only let the back of his hand press against where Gibbs' clenched fist hung between them, but the fact that he received a slight return pressure, and finally a nod when Tony and Ziva concluded the interrogation, was some comfort.

When they went home, Tim was able to get Gibbs to release some of the anger and pain he'd been holding inside. He offered himself and Gibbs accepted, fucking him hard and fast and letting Tim take care of his own climax by jacking off as Gibbs pounded him in furious thrusts. When they both gasped out their orgasms, Tim cleaned them up tenderly and got Gibbs to lay down in bed instead of heading to the basement to drink away his pain.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to separate these child cases from your own losses, love?" Tim asked gently. Gibbs lay in his arms and Tim stroked his back with soothing fingers.

Gibbs grunted but didn't answer. Tim bit his lip and decided to push.

"I think you need to focus on what good memories you have and let those overshadow the pain. Can we put a few pictures of them up?"

A fine tremor shook Gibbs, and Tim tightened his hold on him.

"Have you ever tried having photos where you can see them?"

"At first. Just all the stuff Shannon had up. I broke some of them; the frames and glass. I saved the photos. Took the rest down. I think they're mostly in boxes in Kelly's room."

Tim swallowed hard. "You think that maybe in a few weeks we can try that? Can we put a couple up?"

"I don't know."

"Jethro, do you understand why I'm pushing this? You've been stuck in your grief for too long. It still haunts you, and I just want you to find some kind of peace."

"Yeah, babe, I get it. Not sure... I'm an old dog, Tim."

"Every child case, you suffer. Please let me try to help you not suffer so much, sweetheart."

Gibbs was quiet for a while. "Let me think about it."

"Of course. Sleep now, Gibbs. I'm here, and I can hold you through your rest."

Gibbs' face eased into a smile at Tim's dramatic words. But they lulled him, and he was able to sleep.

~~~NCIS~~~

The team wrapped the case up by Friday, and Tim and Gibbs planned to go to the hardware store for supplies for fixing up Tim's apartment that night. An insistent knock on the front door derailed their intentions.

"Timmy! Gibbs! I have tickets for us!" Abby crowed, flashing her smart phone at them. Tim sighed inwardly and opened the door for her. He enjoyed concerts with her, but his lover wasn't one for crowds and noise, let alone Abby's preferred music.

"Come on in and tell us. But you know that Gibbs -"

"Gibbs!" She rushed past him to plead her case before the man himself. "This band is really eclectic. They play a bunch of different genres, including some folk and bluegrass. It's perfect for the three of us! It's tonight. Say you'll go. _Please_?"

Tim watched as Abby's pleading eyes worked their magic on Gibbs, then she turned them on him, and all his objections just fell away. When they'd agreed, Abby rushed back out, telling them what time they needed to pick her up. Tim turned to Gibbs.

"You sure?"

"We already said yes," Gibbs replied, blinking. Tim laughed and nodded.

"Bring your earplugs," Tim advised, then felt a tingle as he began to get excited. "What should I wear? I haven't been to a concert in a while. Would you mind if I wore eyeliner?"

Gibbs' heart thudded at the thought of how sexy Tim was bound to look. He grinned. "As long as you wear that shiny stuff on your lips."

Tim giggled. "You _like_ it when I wear makeup."

"Uh-huh. One of those big, soft shirts, too. Like you wore that first night at Verse."

"And tight jeans, and those boots with the little heels..."

Gibbs groaned at the mental image Tim created. "Yeah... Oh, yeah..."

In the end, Gibbs wore a sapphire blue button down and jeans, Tim's poet shirt was a pale lilac, and he had to keep reapplying his lip gloss because Gibbs wouldn't stop kissing it off of him.

When they came to pick her up, the color in Tim's cheeks made Abby wonder if he was wearing blush, then she watched as the pink deepened with a look from Gibbs and she grinned.

"You look amazing! Timmy, I love the eye makeup! And that shirt is beautiful on you. You two are just gorgeous together! Did you buy him that shirt? The blue makes his eyes just glow!"

"He has a great wardrobe at home that he almost never wears. I try to get him out more so he can show off, but -"

"Hey! I'm right here!"

Tim and Abby laughed, and Abby bit her lip at the comfortable way the couple held hands as Gibbs drove. She had wanted to be happy for them when she'd learned they were together, but the way Gibbs treated McGee at work had worried her. Tony and Ziva had each talked with her about it, and that was part of why she'd found this concert for them to go to together. Just having Gibbs agree to go had been a win, and it gave her the chance to see how they were away from NCIS. So far, she was relieved. The looks the couple exchanged were open and affectionate, and Abby knew Gibbs well enough to understand that he was probably just overcompensating at the office. Tim had never seemed worried or concerned, and she trusted her friend.

There was a single song the group did that had any semblance of bluegrass to it, and that was early in the evening. Gibbs had put his earplugs in, and slowly drank his ten dollar beer, mostly ignoring the band and just contentedly watching Tim. The colored lights that played over the crowd hid the color of his shirt, but occasionally caught his eyes as Tim looked to Gibbs. He was nearly always grinning when he turned to check that Gibbs was still close by, sometimes grabbing his hand for a squeeze, sometimes leaning over for a quick peck. The older man watched as Tim and Abby danced and laughed and sang along with songs they knew. One particular song had Tim jumping up and down with the beat, waving his arms high, and Gibbs thought he'd never been more gorgeous. When it ended, Tim turned to meet his lover's gaze and Gibbs pulled him close for a deep kiss. When Tim broke away, gasping and laughing, Gibbs let him take a sip of his beer, and for the next song, Tim stayed close, pressing himself against his arm and side, leaning his head against the silver hair, letting his breathing slow from the energetic dancing and enjoying being with the older man. Gibbs found himself swallowing hard as emotions swelled in him. He put his hand up to Tim's flushed cheek, then slid it back to his neck and closed his eyes, savoring the moments as sound washed over them, the crowd moved around them, and they stood in their private bubble of contentment together.

Abby looked over, and her breath caught at the intimate moment she witnessed. Unable to stop herself, she snapped a picture and did a happy little jump. They were so right together; anything that happened or tried to split them up was going to meet an impenetrable wall of perfection and slide right off. Yay!

Back home, Tim was still bopping to the remembered beat as they got ready for bed, and Gibbs pulled him into a few minutes of the two-step they'd learned while Tim hummed the music. Giggling when Gibbs twirled him, Tim then turned the movements more sensual and put his arms around Gibbs' neck, rubbing his body against the other man's. Gibbs rolled with the change and ran his palms up and down Tim's back, one holding their hips tight together, the other gently holding Tim's shoulder. They gyrated, but soon lost any sense of musical rhythm as another physical demand shifted their attention.

Kissing with bruising force, they began stripping each other, suddenly desperate to be naked and when they were, they fell, entwined, onto their bed. Kissing and pawing each other, it was only minutes before Gibbs was reaching for the nightstand and the lube. He pushed Tim's knees up and drove hard into him, eliciting a howl from Tim which quickly devolved into heavy, panting moans.

"Jesus, Tim, this never gets old. I could fuck you every night for a year and still relish every moment. Oh, you feel so good. Love you..."

"Yes! Oh, yes, Gibbs! Love you! God! So good! Ah!"

Gibbs looked down at Tim, and he felt his heart overflow at the sight. Flushed, eyes still outlined and his face even more lovely than usual, Gibbs found himself grinning as he moved in the delicious heat of his lover's body.

"You're so beautiful, Tim... So beautiful... Oh! Oh! Fuck! YES!"

Tears filled Tim's eyes from the words even as he groaned at the fantastic feeling of Gibbs' orgasm pulsing inside him. He was right on the edge himself, and the pressure of Gibbs as he collapsed on top of him gave him friction to hump his hips into a few more times until he came, too.

Gibbs held Tim tenderly after, touching his face and murmuring compliments about how amazing he'd looked all night.

"Thank you, Jethro. It can be so hard to remember why you find me attractive sometimes..."

"Ah, babe," Gibbs held him closer. "Tim, I've _never_ loved anyone the way I love you."

Tim's brow furrowed and he looked at Gibbs uncertainly. "Wait... What? Never? You... You mean it's a _different_ kind of love from Shannon. I get it."

Gibbs choked up and as much as he wanted to correct Tim, to tell him he'd found a contentment and a _centeredness_ with Tim that he'd never felt with his beloved wife, the words deserted him. He frowned and shook his head and kissed Tim, trying to show him the truth. It was a long while before they cleaned up, Tim removed his eye makeup, and they fell asleep snuggled close together.

Saturday morning, they rose and headed out to the apartment with a stop at the hardware store for cleaning supplies, paint, and tools. Tim blushed when Gibbs playfully admonished him not to sabotage the repairs just to win their bet. Working together all morning, they made good headway on the list of tasks.

After lunch, they split up, working in different rooms. After about an hour, Gibbs' body reacted before his conscious mind registered why his pants were suddenly too tight. He rose from where he had been replacing a damaged baseboard in the bedroom and went to watch his lover. Tim danced in place, scrubbing the wall where he'd always hidden a stain with a big coastal map.

Extreme Ways by Moby played on Tim's phone where he had it plugged into a portable speaker. It was one of the younger man's favorite songs to dance to, and Gibbs' libido had obviously recalled his first-hand experience of watching him in the bedroom of this very apartment, hips swaying, ass-shaking: sexy as hell. Even in loose, paint-splattered carpenter's pants and a faded MIT t-shirt from when Tim had been two sizes bigger, he made Gibbs bite his lip in desire.

"How am I supposed to work with you out here _dancing_?" Gibbs finally asked as the song ended. Tim turned to see him adjusting himself and laughed. His eyes sparkled in the brightness of the afternoon sun coming through the window, unobscured by the curtains that had once hung there. Tim sashayed over to him as the next song began, encouraging him to join him. A barked laugh and head shake made Tim roll his eyes. He moved behind Gibbs and pressed close, holding the older man's hips, moving him without his volition.

Gibbs, so new to the pleasures of bottoming, shuddered as his body again reacted. Tim seemed to sense the shift in mood and leaned in, softly kissing Gibbs' neck and tracing the line of his hair with his tongue over to his ear. Feeling the shudder, he too hardened, and he started rubbing himself against Gibbs' ass. His hand snaked around and palmed the length of Gibbs' erection and chafed lightly.

"Fuck... Tim..." Gibbs heard himself moan.

"Oh god, I love it when your voice goes all gravelly like that," Tim breathed into his ear. He drew Gibbs' shirt off and stripped his own for good measure. There was no better feeling than skin on skin with the man he loved. He deftly unfastened Gibbs' pants and reached inside to fondle him. The older man's back arched, pushing his ass against Tim, and Tim bit down hard on the juncture of his lover's neck.

"Ah!"

Tim wasn't going to wait. The responses he was getting were too arousing. He pulled Gibbs with him toward the bedroom, forgetting that his bed was gone. In the doorway he stopped as he realized. "Shit. No bed." He shook his head and shrugged. He shoved Gibbs' jeans and underwear down, then retrieved the small tube of lube he'd taken to carrying from one of his pockets before divesting himself of his own pants.

Gibbs was consciously allowing Tim to take charge. The testosterone levels in his body were nearly back to normal, but his time of battling his aggressive tendencies had given him an appreciation for Tim's more commanding side. All month, since that first time Tim had topped him, he had been fucking Tim senseless every chance he got. It was like he'd needed to re-establish his own masculinity, but now that they were in this situation, his body recalled the insane levels of pleasure he'd experienced when Tim had gently taught him, and he wanted more. He bent forward and leaned against the doorframe, shaking a little as Tim started to carefully prepare him.

Tim bit his lip at the way Gibbs offered himself. Sliding a finger in, he used his other hand to continue turning Gibbs on more. He played with his nipple, pinching and twisting, feeling how the shudders of enjoyment rippled through his body. Tim was achingly hard but determined to have Gibbs totally stretched and ready before he slid into him. Adding a second finger, he felt a slight tension in Gibbs' torso, and he moved on to begin a slow handjob, using a counterpoint with the penetrations. A long, low breath from Gibbs made him smile as he started shifting back to meet Tim's fingers and then forward into his hand. His own breath was beginning to huff in anticipation, and he wriggled his third finger into the tight entrance.

"Yes, Tim," Gibbs groaned.

"Oh, Gibbs, it's so hard to wait. Are you ready for me? I want to feel you. I want you so bad..." Tim found himself begging.

"Goddamn, Tim, yes! Fuck me. Wanna feel you..."

It was all he needed. He pushed his lubed hard-on into Gibbs, beginning to shake with the ecstatic sensation.

"Oh, god, Gibbs! Oh yes, yes!"

Gibbs discovered that as before, he liked the ache of the stretch as Tim slowly filled him. He could never imagine doing this with anyone else, but Tim could do it anytime he wanted. It felt so damned good...

Tim bent forward over Gibbs' back and tenderly started humping while he kept stroking Gibbs' cock.

"Oh, God, I love you, Gibbs. You feel so good... Oh... Yes..." Moaning, he set up a slow rhythm, reveling in the responding sounds of his lover. They were oblivious to everything but one another, until—

" _Timothy_!" The feminine shout, drenched in disapproval, instantly shriveled Tim's arousal and made him six years old again. He pulled out and shoved Gibbs through the doorway into the bedroom, stumbling after him and slamming the door behind them. Breathing hard, Tim closed his eyes in denial.

"Was that...your _mother_?" Gibbs asked in a whisper. Tim made a choking sound and nodded. The older man shook his head in disbelief. This was beyond improbable; to be caught having sex by a parent...at his age! He pulled his jeans up and fastened them, still shaking his head. He looked at Tim to find he still stood with his pants around his ankles, face dead pale, eyes squeezed shut. "Hey," Gibbs said. Tim bit his lip.

"Please please please tell me that if we stay in here she'll go away and this won't have happened. _Please_ , god..."

Gibbs knelt down and tugged Tim's underwear and pants up, then stood and cupped his face. "Hey. _Hey_ ," he said softly. Tears slid from under Tim's eyelashes from his still closed eyes. "Look at me. Tim!" Finally, he did. The dread and shame he saw in the wide child-like stare made his heart ache. "Tim, sweetie, c'mon. _Think_. As crazy as this is, you've been working on how to talk to her about us. So as bad as this intro is, she knows. That part is over. It's time to face her. You knew she'd disapprove. Let's go get this done."

Tim shook his head. "I have to do this alone. But I...I'm so scared..." More tears slid down his pale cheeks and Gibbs hugged him for a moment before he pulled back and held Tim's shoulders.

"Hey," he shook him. "This is a bump. That's all. Nothing that happens now will change what we have. Not your job, or your friends, or us." Tim was still shaking his head negatively, and Gibbs frowned. "I love you." It had only been a little while since he'd said the words for the first time, and he still used them sparingly enough that they had power. Tim stopped shaking his head and searched Gibbs face. "This is just a hiccup. Don't make it more than that."

Slowly, Tim nodded. Gibbs wiped the tears from his face tenderly and kissed him. Looking around, they noted that their shirts were still in the other room. Tim shrugged to himself, grateful they at least had their pants. Sliding his hand down Tim's arm, Gibbs squeezed his fingers and continued to hold on as Tim reached for the doorknob with a deep breath.

They walked out into the empty apartment holding hands. Separating when they reached their shirts, they each silently dressed then turned to where their unexpected visitors stood. Tim took a deep breath.

"Mom, Luke, this is Jethro Gibbs. Gibbs, Patricia and Luke Endersen," Tim introduced. Gibbs nodded, the gesture returned by Tim's stepfather, who looked much closer to Tony's age than Gibbs', a fact he noted as a possible point to be made later. As he walked alone toward them, he peripherally studied the woman. Late fifties, with a darker complexion than Tim, Gibbs understood where Sarah's coloring came from. But her eyes were that beautiful aqua blue that Tim's were, made all the more dramatic with her olive skin tone. She would have been a lovely woman if not for the pinched and scowling expression she wore as she studiously did not look at Gibbs. That was okay. Gibbs' target was her husband.

"I'd hoped to meet under better circumstances, Mr Endersen, but let's go get coffee and let them talk," Gibbs said, ushering the stunned younger man out the door.

Tim stayed where he was. "I expected you on Tuesday, Mom," he began.

"Timothy!" All the disapproval and disappointment he expected filled the word, and he gritted his teeth.

"The news I wanted to share with you was that I'm in love with someone and we've moved in together. It's a nice house not too far from here. Gibbs has been a bachelor for some time, so we'll be redecorating—"

"You!" She cleared her throat from the near shriek she'd begun with. "You were sodomizing that old man!" She accused. Tim blanched at her wording, her cruel judgement.

"Mother!" He strode up to her and gave her a hard look. "You will not dishonor me or Gibbs by speaking that way. Sodomy is _rape_. We were having sex. Normal, male male sex."

She started, this being the first time in his life that her milk-mild son had spoken to her with such grim and final authority.

"I love you, Mom. I want you to be part of my life, but I will not accept you insulting us or our relationship. You don't have to approve, but you _will_ treat us with respect."

She shook her head, not denying that they deserved respect, but just denying, period. "Oh, Tim. How did this happen? You were such a good boy..."

Tim sighed softly. At least she was past the dangerous fury. "Mom, I'm still a good person. I just happen to love a man. I've loved him for a long time."

"But you know it's wrong!"

"It's love. How can love ever be wrong?"

She silently shook her head again.

"Gibbs. He's your boss, isn't he?"

"Yes. We've learned to keep the two parts of our lives separate."

"Sweetheart, isn't it dangerous to your career?"

"We've talked with the Director. He agrees that if we can keep it professional, and the rest of the team still feels safe, he'll allow us to continue to work together."

"And his age? Tim, he looks older than your _father_."

"Not quite, Mom."

Patricia gave her own sigh then. "Oh, Tim, it was such an awful way to find out..."

"Yeah, Mom, for us, too, _believe_ me."

He reached out, then, and she stepped into his arms for a hug. When they separated, she sniffed and dabbed her eyes with a tissue.

"I'm very sorry we're early. A flight opened up and Luke juggled his schedule at work and I thought it would be a nice surprise."

"It is what it is, Mom. I hope we can enjoy the extra time together. Are you ready to properly meet Gibbs? Or do you want to -"

"Yes. I think I would very much like to spend time with the - _man_ \- who has finally accepted all the love that big heart of yours has to give," Patricia raised her chin in determination, and even with her brief hesitation over Gibbs' gender, Tim suddenly knew that everything would be okay.

"I'm sure they're at the coffee shop down the street. Gibbs practically mainlines caffeine."

They left the apartment and walked the two blocks to the shop. Tim gave Gibbs a brief nod to let him know it was going okay with his Mom and received one in return that he hoped indicated the same for he and Luke.

Having coffee and danish with his mother and her husband right after she'd walked in on him fucking Gibbs was surreal for Tim. They made awkward chitchat for a few minutes, and Tim finally noticed how dirty he and Gibbs were from the work they'd been doing.

"Do you want to come back to the house with us? We should clean up," Tim suggested.

"The house?" Patricia asked. Gibbs put his hand on top of Tim's where it rested on the edge of the table.

" _Our_ house," Gibbs clarified. Tim bit his lip but couldn't contain the smile that the specificity and obvious declaration gave him.

They led the Endersens to the house, Gibbs grumbling as he drove slowly, careful not to lose his follower. Tim held his hand and shook his head.

Showing his mother around his new home made Tim start to hunch and get shy, reverting to childhood behavior. Gibbs watched it happen and learned just how far his lover had progressed to be the confident special agent he had become. He stepped up in support when Patricia looked confused at the colors in their bedroom.

"Tim has an amazing eye for color and design. I love what he's done in here," Gibbs stated, pressing close against Tim's back, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on Tim's shoulder. He smiled innocently when Patricia's eyes widened at the statement.

The four of them talked for a few more minutes and then Tim looked pointedly at all the dirt on his and Gibbs' clothing. Patricia took the hint and led her husband out of the house and away.

Tim collapsed into Gibbs' arms as soon as Luke and his mother pulled away from the curb.

"Oh my god!" He laughed, only a little hysterically. Gibbs closed his eyes and shook his head. They compared notes on how it had gone for each of them, Gibbs with Luke and Tim with his mom.

"I guess the worst is probably past, then," Tim said.

"Are you gonna tell her you're gender fluid?" Gibbs asked in a neutral tone. As much as he loved and appreciated that about Tim, he wasn't sure Tim was ready to face his mother's reaction.

"I think I'm going to let her conclude that I'm gay and this is just how some gay men are. I don't think she's ready to face non-binary gender."

Gibbs kissed his forehead. "I think that's a good idea, babe."

Tim sighed in relief.

~~~NCIS~~~

On Sunday, Tim took his mother and stepfather to the office to give them a tour. There were always people there working, so he was able to show them a more subdued but still active environment. He grew excited when the elevator opened on the floor for Abby's lab and a wave of sound assaulted them.

"Oh my goodness," Patricia exclaimed. Tim just grinned and drew them forward. He led them in and turned down the screeching heavy metal.

"Hey!" Abby cried at the sudden volume change. She whirled and then squealed. "Timmy!" She ran to hug him. She apparently hadn't gone to church that morning since she was wearing one of her plaid school-girl mini-skirts and thigh-high white stockings. She had red bows in her pigtails and platform mary-janes on her feet. Her makeup was so dramatic he deduced that she'd probably been called in to work the previous night when she'd been out with friends. Typical Abby, not even her more extreme clubbing clothes, but when Tim turned to his mother, she looked scandalized. He swallowed a grin.

"Mom, Luke, this is Abby Scuito, one of the best forensic scientists in the country and my dear friend. Abs, my Mom, Patricia, and her husband, Luke."

Abby moved straight from hugging Tim to hugging his mom, then shaking Luke's hand.

"I'm so happy to meet you! Oh, that's where Timmy got his eyes and Sarah got her coloring! The combination is beautiful. And you did so well raising such an amazing person! He's my best friend. I wish I could spend more time talking with you, but Balboa's team need the results of the guk he pulled off the doorknob at a crime scene. I hope you have a great visit! Maybe I'll get to see you before you leave," Abby said, then vanished back to her work. Tim smiled fondly and ushered Patricia and Luke out.

"Oh! And turn my music-"

Tim drowned her out, precisely adjusting the volume back to where it had been. She blew him a kiss and he waved goodbye.

In the elevator, Patricia looked shell shocked. "That was the Abby that you dated?"

"Yes."

"You were...very serious about her."

"I was more serious than she was. We're better as friends."

"Oh."

Tim silently cheered. He couldn't have planned that meeting any better, and he was glad he hadn't tried. He was pretty sure the solid, quiet Gibbs now looked better to his mother as a partner for him than Abby.

The following days were a relief from spending constant time with their visitors. After an awkward discussion with his mother trying to ask him if he was being safe sexually, Tim was ready for her to go home. Gibbs reminded him each night when they went to bed that it was only a few more days, and perked him up each morning by suggesting they might get a case. They didn't.

Sarah took over 'mom time' for Thursday through Saturday, and a family meal Sunday night was the last event planned before the Endersens returned home.

"Meeting at the restaurant should be helpful. I think Mom's picking Sarah up, but Gibbs and I have our own car for a quick escape if we need it...you too, Ziva. Bye," Tim hung up his phone and looked at Gibbs in the driver's seat. "She wishes us luck."

"It's gonna be fine. They're leaving tomorrow."

Tim took a deep breath and Gibbs reached over to take his hand. The gesture made Tim smile, which helped both of them relax.

At the restaurant, arriving with ten minutes to spare, Tim spotted his mother's and Sarah's dark hair as they walked across the parking lot with Luke following closely.

"That where you get your punctuality?" Gibbs asked as they prepared to get out of the car.

"The Admiral, too."

"Of course."

As they walked toward the door, the comment had both of them thinking about Tim's strict father, now an Admiral, and if or when they'd be able to tell him anything about their life.

Inside, Patricia, Sarah, and Luke had just approached the hostess stand, having moved aside while a large group exited. Greetings were exchanged, with handshakes between everyone and hugs between Tim and his sister and mother, then they were brought to an oversized booth and seated. Tim slid in by the wall, freeing his left arm so he wouldn't constantly bump Gibbs as well as satisfying Gibbs' protective tendency. Sarah sat across from him, then Luke, with their mother on the outside for the same practical reason that she was also left handed. Gibbs observed the automatic adjustments and found them interesting. How often had Tim shifted in a group with his teammates over the years to cope? He'd always been subtle about it, since Gibbs had never noticed.

They ordered drinks, Gibbs sticking with coffee while Tim had a white wine, Sarah and Patricia martinis, and Luke a Coke. Stilted discussions about what each of the family was considering for dinner happened, with Gibbs having already decided and sitting silently with his back completely straight, hands lightly on the table atop his menu. The server returned, they ordered, and awkward silence descended.

"Did you get to see all the sights you wanted to, Mom?" Tim finally said.

"I have been to DC before, Timothy, but I hadn't seen the Jefferson Memorial since they renovated. I think Luke would have preferred to spend more time at the Smithsonian..."

"There's a big part of the Air and Space Museum off site now, so we'll have to get to that the next time," Luke supplied. It was one of the first times he'd voluntarily spoken up, and Tim jumped on the opportunity.

"What did you want to see that's at the Udvar-Hazy Center? They've got some great pieces out there."

"I've always wanted to see the Enola Gay. It played such a pivotal role in the war..."

"I think it's horrible, having that there on display. The plane that dropped both bombs? It killed all those people—" Sarah burst in.

"But that helped end the war, years ahead of how it might have been, saving countless lives—" Luke argued.

"Soldiers! Not civilians."

"There are always civilian casualties in war, Sarah."

Tim stared at the train wreck of an argument as it escalated, feeling guilty at his relief that it was taking the heat off of him and Gibbs.

"Will you two please not fight?" Patricia interjected.

Sarah looked at Tim for a fraction of a second and Tim nearly gave up the game with an exclamation when he realized that she was doing it on purpose. He hadn't had the impression that she had changed her opinion of his life choices when she left after she'd stayed with them, and he looked at Gibbs in query, receiving a bare nod that left him wondering how on earth he'd gotten Sarah onto their side.

The argument expanded into a philosophical one about the concept of a 'just' war, and Tim was surprised that Gibbs remained silent.

"It looks like I have arrived just in time to avoid bloodshed!" A voice sounded from over the partition between their section of the restaurant and the next.

"Penny!" Tim exclaimed. He bumped his hip against Gibbs, who shifted to stand and let Tim out. Rushing to hug his grandmother, Tim had tears in his eyes. "Oh, it's so wonderful to see you!"

While Tim was ebulliently greeting the older woman, Gibbs noticed the resigned expression both Sarah and Patricia got.

Gibbs shifted over and Tim sat down and drew Penny beside him. The woman's powerful personality took over, and she told about her trip to Mozambique and the work she'd been doing there. She exclaimed over the incredible letter she'd gotten from Tim about all the changes in his life and how she'd wrapped up her part of the work so she could come back to see for herself. Gibbs felt Tim tense and knowing he worried that she'd bring up his gender identity, he asked Penny about her trip back. She regaled them with her tale of buses and flights and boats, with a narrow escape from pirates near Seychelles. Then in one of her quick changes of direction, she turned back to Tim.

"But enough about me. Timothy, I think the important question here is: have you told your father?" She asked abruptly.

Tim stuttered and finally shook his head when he couldn't get a complete word out.

"You need to tell him, sweetheart. He really might surprise you. There's a lot more same sex hanky-panky going on on those ships out at sea than they like to admit publicly, but your father is high enough up to be well aware. He always wants to know how you're doing when I talk with him—"

"And how often is that?" Sarah interrupted. "Once a year? Once every three years? I haven't heard from him since I graduated from Waverly, and the card I got looked like something his assistant probably picked out."

"Oh, honey, he loves you. He's just very busy, and-"

"Look, we don't need to ruin a perfectly nice evening talking about John-" Patricia interjected.

"Who's ruining? I just think that Timothy should tell his father that he's in a loving relationship with a man and his gender identity is non-binary," Penny argued. She turned proudly to Tim. "See, Timothy, I understood what you meant about that. It's perfectly fine to be feminine and masculine and I am so happy for you, sweetheart. Look, I even brought you back a scarf! You said purple was your favorite, so here you go!" Penny withdrew a rustically woven piece of fabric from her purse and tried to put it around Tim's neck. The texture made it unique, and he would normally have been more appreciative, but he was in damage-control mode.

Tim wanted to crawl under the table. He took the scarf from her and overrode the hubbub from his mother asking about his gender, Sarah stridently criticizing John McGee, Luke attempting to change the subject, and narrowly stopping Gibbs from one of his piercing whistles. "That's enough! I told you each individually for a reason! I'm with Gibbs. I'm happy. I'm exploring my gender identity, but I am not going to be getting surgery or wearing dresses. And Penny, I will tell my father when _I_ am ready. I appreciate that you're always supportive, but he rarely is, and it's my decision to tell him—or _not_ , alright?"

Silence reigned at the table, and Sarah took the initiative and suggested that Patricia and Luke might want to return to their hotel. The party moved to the waiting area of the restaurant, with Gibbs slipping away after a quick squeeze to Tim's hand to pay the bill.

Patricia hugged Tim and dabbed her eyes, inviting him and Gibbs to come visit them sometime. Tim reassured her that everything really was alright with him and wished her a safe trip, telling her how much he loved her. Tim shook Luke's hand and embraced Sarah briefly, thanking her in a whisper. She smirked and herded their mother out the door.

"Oh, Timothy. I'm not going to apologize for—"

Tim held up his hand. "I'm very glad you're here. I hope I can see you again before you head off on another trip."

Penny shook her head. Tim always amazed her. "Thank you for telling me everything, sweetheart. I love you very much," she said, then looked toward where Gibbs hung back, waiting. "And you take care of my grandson. Let him take care of you, as well. That's what makes a good relationship!"

The men agreed and Penny vanished like the whirlwind she'd appeared as. Tim turned toward Gibbs.

"Can we go home?" He asked plaintively. Gibbs chuckled and nodded, putting a supportive arm around Tim's waist and taking them outside, then back home. He was very glad the long vacation weekend he'd planned for them was only four days away. Tim really needed the break.

~~~NCIS~~~

_A/N I bet a lot of you spotted the reference to GottahavemyNCIS' wonderful Pirates, Traitors, and Goats, oh My! It's worth the read if you haven't checked it out yet. New computer mostly up and running. Cooking Bacon is set between this chapter and the next, so I'm going to try to get that posted here on AO3 before I post chapter 4. Might be a slight delay, but I will post on Friday July 24 at the latest, barring catastrophe. Chapter 4 gets darker, folks, just fair warning. But you all know I have to have my happy ending, so please stay with me._

_I hesitated to write Tim's mom in here without any canon support, knowing it will be contradicted when she finally shows up, but from all the tidbits from the show about Tim's past (her burning his Mad magazines, his knowledge/fear of nuns, etc.), this was my best effort._

_Reviews are love._


	4. Down At the Bottom of the Well

_A/N Trigger warning. There's a brief but intense dub-con scene. Please note Tim never says 'no' or 'stop', and never fights; he's not comfortable with what happens, but he knows he consented, which, of course, is part of his struggle dealing with it. I hope this won't be too much for anyone, but in case it is, I'm marking the scene with *** before and after if you want to skip it. This warning is probably enough to tell you what happened (sorry to everyone for the spoiler), but a brief note at the end will summarize the scene._

Chapter Four: Down at the Bottom of the Well

Tim was sure that their weekend away had helped them turn the corner. Gibbs would ease up at work and everything would get on its way to a new kind of normal. He sang along with his playlist as he headed for the office on Monday.

As high as his hopes had risen as Tim had driven in to work, taking separate cars as had become their habit, his mood crashed as he walked into the squad room and got a famous Gibbs glare as he sat down.

"Where's that file I asked you for on Thursday?" Gibbs snapped, all traces of the loving partner Tim knew him to be at home gone.

"I emailed it to you, Boss," McGee replied, keeping his voice even as he booted up his computer.

"Paper. You know I like paper," Gibbs growled. Tim swallowed the ache that the tone brought to his throat.

"On it."

The morning continued that way, and for the first time, it bothered him. He'd been shrugging off the harsh treatment he'd been receiving for weeks now, but their weekend away had been so intimate, he didn't realize that he'd thought things would be starting to change. He sighed inwardly and kept his expression neutral with each snarky comment. When Tony arrived an hour late, Gibbs snapped at him, but wasn't as brutal as any of them would have expected. Tim finally made an excuse to get away from his desk, desperate to have a moment to himself away from the concerned stares from DiNozzo and Ziva, and the black looks from Gibbs. He got in the elevator and hit the button for Abby's lab, then cancelled the call and hit the basement for Autopsy. He knew Abby would take Gibbs' side in any complaint he had, and he needed a sympathetic ear.

Entering the cold, quiet room, Tim's shoulders sagged when he saw that Ducky wasn't there. He had turned to go when Jimmy stepped out of the supply closet and saw him.

"Hi, Tim. I guess you can see that Dr Mallard isn't in. He's assisting on an autopsy with another Medical Examiner," Jimmy said. Tim stopped and turned back as the young man spoke.

"Hey, Jimmy. Yeah, I was hoping to talk to Ducky. Sorry to bother you…"

"You okay? You look upset, and it's only ten-thirty on the Monday after you went away for a romantic retreat, so…"

Tim studied him for a minute, then decided. "Yeah, um, Jimmy, do you have a minute? I could really use someone to talk to."

"Oh! Yeah, of course! Do-do you want some tea? Dr Mallard always offers tea when someone comes down, I mean, when someone living comes down, because, you know, our regular guests wouldn't want tea, or maybe they would have, sometimes it's hard to tell if they would have been tea or coffee drinkers—"

"No. I just… Could we just have a seat and talk? I… You've been seeing Breena for around the same amount of time as I've been with Gibbs, and…"

"This is about Agent Gibbs? I, uh…" He looked terrified, and Tim actually smiled. His lover was intimidating, commanding, and simply amazing. Then he sighed again. He guided Palmer to a chair and sat down across from him.

"We had a great weekend. Really incredible. I'll give you the information about the cabin in case you ever want to take Breena there; it has a private hot spring pool, and it's remote but not too far of a drive. The bed was comfortable, there's a deck, and a grill, as well as a full kitchen…" Tim stopped, a lump forming in his chest as he recalled how much he and Gibbs had enjoyed the time together, and the intimate heart to heart talks they'd had as well.

"Sounds nice. Why are you upset, then?"

Looking into the sweet, kind face across from him, Tim smiled sadly. "Because I thought that we were getting over the awkwardness of working together while we're a couple, but this morning, he's…"

Jimmy nodded slowly. "Everyone's been talking about how mean he's been treating you, Tim. But you guys have been together for a lot longer than we knew, right? So why's he suddenly being so…"

"He wants— _we_ want to stay on the same team, and the only way we can do that is if we prove we won't be biased toward each other. Ziva and Tony have to know they're safe, that Gibbs won't automatically choose to help me over them, and same with me. We have to stay professional, and be calculating instead of emotional. But he's…"

"Going overboard with it. He's treating you like…something you'd scrape off your boot. It's not fair, Tim. He's acting biased in the other direction," Palmer supplied. Tim nodded wordlessly. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together tightly. Jimmy watched helplessly as the sadness Tim was obviously feeling finally revealed itself on his face as he stared at his hands. "Have you talked about it?"

Tim shook his head. "I don't want to ruin things at home. He's so different there, so loving, and… But it's not really appropriate to bring it up here, is it? I'd be crossing the line we agreed on to keep work and home life separate. I guess I'll have to risk saying it at home, but…" He choked and looked up to meet Jimmy's gaze with his own eyes wide and fearful. "I don't want to lose him. I…"

"Tim, if he loves you, and I know he does, he'll have to see that making you miserable at work isn't good for you or your relationship. I mean, don't you think he already knows? Or is he really that heartless? I don't think he is, so _he's_ probably just as upset that he's being such a—"

"Bastard?" Gibbs' voice crackled like thunder through the room, and Palmer stood up so fast he knocked his chair over. He stumbled over it as he moved back toward the supply closet. He went in and slammed the door behind himself.

Tim would have laughed at the young man's antics if it hadn't been this situation. They both would have, but when Tim looked over his shoulder and saw the dark expression on his Boss' face, he knew there was no levity which would release the tension between them. He got heavily to his feet and turned toward him. Gibbs walked to him, stiff-legged, his back ram-rod straight as always. Tim unconsciously straightened his shoulders and let his neutral mask drop over his face. As a boy, he'd been slapped by his father for giving him insolent looks, so he'd learned to display no emotion whatsoever when necessary.

Gibbs was furious. McGee had been bitching to _Palmer_ of all people, about him. About their relationship. _At work_. He stared coldly into the younger man's eyes. "You know who I am. If you can't handle how things have to be with us here, we have a real problem."

Tim tightly controlled his need to swallow hard at the words. He met Gibbs' eyes and remained silent.

Their face-off was interrupted by Gibbs' cell phone with a call out on a case, and Tim had never been more relieved that park officials had found a body in Rock Creek Park.

The team drove all the way out there, Tony riding with Gibbs, sacrificing his own comfort to allow Tim some time away from the angry man, only to find it was a false alarm. There was indeed a body, however, it had been mistakenly identified as a Naval officer from a wallet found in his possession. Upon examination, they found half a dozen wallets in a bag near the man, and when McGee ran his prints, he came up with a criminal record of a pickpocket thief. Ziva took her turn in the car with Gibbs, and Tony spent the entire drive back trying to lift Tim's spirits. He talked about movies and music, and one comment he made gave Tim an idea for something pleasant that might relax and distract Gibbs enough that maybe he could broach the subject of easing up at work.

That night over dinner, he asked if Gibbs would take him dancing on Wednesday at the country and western bar where they'd taken line dancing lessons. Gibbs had been quieter than usual that evening, but he readily agreed.

"Anything you want, Tim," he said, smiling. Tim melted and relaxed in relief. He'd address this messy issue with his lover in two days. He liked having deadlines.

~~~NCIS~~~

Tim never expected that his attempt at distracting Gibbs would go so wrong. They'd had a good time for the first hour or so, dancing and enjoying the comfort of being openly affectionate in the gay establishment, but then they'd stopped for a breather and Gibbs had gone to the bar for drinks. A tall, handsome man in a cowboy hat had come over to flirt with Tim and try to cajole him into dancing with him, but although Tim had declined, Gibbs had taken the whole scene badly. They sat in silence and drank their drinks, then Gibbs practically dragged Tim outside, telling him in no uncertain terms that it was time to leave.

"Hon, the protective, possessive thing is sweet, but I had no interest at all in anyone there but you," Tim said in the car, trying to soothe him. Gibbs didn't respond and Tim sighed and watched the familiar city flash by as Gibbs drove with his usual aggressiveness until they got home. The older man got out of the car and went inside without acknowledging Tim in any way. When Tim followed, he saw that his lover had gone straight down to the basement, and he shook his head and went down the bare wooden steps until he stood on the platform at the base. He watched as Gibbs puttered angrily around the room for several minutes before he finally stepped in, standing in the way of Gibbs' tool bench. Gibbs stopped and glared at him, but Tim just waited. He'd never seen Gibbs look more like a caged animal as the blue eyes shone dangerously.

Opening his mouth to speak and try to get them through this, Tim was shocked when Gibbs grabbed him and kissed him with bruising force. It was wildly arousing, but there was a dark edge to it that was unsettling to Tim. He kissed back and tried to touch Gibbs, to transform the brutal kiss into something softer, more loving, but Gibbs grabbed his hands and pinned them to his sides. Tim's breath sped up. The power games they'd played the previous weekend on their vacation had been based on love and a need to prove it to each other, but this felt different. His body responded, but he wasn't sure he wanted it to. His confusion made him hesitate, and in that time, he found Gibbs had tied his hands behind his back and was unfastening his jeans.

"Gibbs, I -"

***

One rough hand gripped his throat and squeezed for a moment, and the other reached into his underwear and tightened on his erection.

"No talking," Gibbs ordered. He released his hold on Tim's neck, and Tim moaned as Gibbs stroked his cock, rapidly taking him to the edge of orgasm, then stopping abruptly. Tim whined his protest but felt betrayed by his body. He wanted to tell Gibbs to stop, to talk to him and reassure him that he wasn't as angry as he seemed, but he was shaking with desire, too, now, and part of him was completely getting off on being manhandled as Gibbs pushed him down so he was bent over the workbench and he heard Gibbs spitting and felt his fingers start to lube his ass with it.

"Gibbs, please..." Tim said, then choked as his lover spanked him _hard_ three times. His ass burned with the handprints and his knees grew weak. God! He wanted this, wanted to be used and fucked and punished... But tears filled his eyes as a voice inside him cried out in protest that he deserved better. Then Gibbs shoved into him and he screamed and all he knew was pleasure mixed with pain as Gibbs pounded into him, his hips slamming forward, hard cock ramming deep with every thrust.

Gibbs nailed his prostate over and over and Tim came with a wail, then started to cry as Gibbs fucked him hard, jackhammering into him, his voice low as he growled out, " _Mine-mine-mine-_ " with every push. Tim was barely aware when Gibbs pulled out and jerked himself until he came all over Tim's ass and back.

Gibbs sagged back against a sawhorse, the nearly mindless rage he'd been engulfed by bleeding out of him, and stared at Tim. Jeans around his ankles, hands bound and turning red, come coating his ass and plastering his shirt to his back. And he was sobbing. Jesus Christ! What the hell had he just done? He staggered back to him and quickly untied his hands and pulled him upright, turning him around and wrapping him up in a tight embrace.

***

"I love you, Tim. I love you so much..." He whispered hoarsely. Tim's hands slowly came up to hold him and he pulled back and kissed him tenderly. "Are you okay?"

The love and concern washed away the confusion and fear for the moment and Tim sniffled and nodded. "Gibbs, I love you. I had no interest in that cowboy. It's only you. Only you, I swear," Tim said, his voice still hitching. Gibbs' eyes burned as he held him. He felt disassociated from his body, numb with shock from what had happened. Guilt and shame and horror battered at his clouded mind, but he couldn't face them. He'd take care of Tim. That's all he could focus on now. _Tim_. He knelt and pulled Tim's boots and socks off, then helped him step out of his pants and underwear. Putting his arm around him, he swallowed hard as he felt the come starting to dry on Tim's shirt, but unerringly led him upstairs and into the bathroom. Stripping both of them, he started the shower and washed Tim with loving hands under the warm spray. They went straight to bed, and Gibbs was relieved that Tim fell right to sleep, snuggled close with his head on Gibbs' shoulder. It was hours before Gibbs was able to quiet the screaming regret in his mind enough for sleep to take him.

Gibbs' phone rang at a little after 0400, waking them both.

"Callout?" Tim asked sleepily.

"Just me. Go back to sleep, I'll see you at work," Gibbs said, kissing Tim's forehead before he got up and headed to the bathroom to get himself ready to go.

By the time Tim arrived at work, he'd gotten a text from Gibbs that he would be in MTAC, so he didn't worry that he was alone in the squad room. Ignoring the two kinds of ache he felt inside, one a physical pain from the rough way he'd been taken, the other stemming from his emotional uncertainty, he started up his system and began checking email. When Tony and Ziva arrived, he made sure the cuffs of his long sleeves covered the redness he'd found on his wrists from the rope and let them know where the boss was and they had a relatively quiet morning catching up on paperwork.

~~~NCIS~~~

The scowl Gibbs wore on his handsome face as he came down the stairs from MTAC had become such a standard expression for him lately that his team barely flinched when he stalked to his desk and snatched up his badge and gun.

"We get a call out, Boss?" Tony asked, rising from his seat.

"No. I'm going to LA to help OSP with a case. Back after the op."

He strode to the elevator, and McGee hesitated a moment too long trying to decide if he should follow and have a private moment to say good-bye, and then Gibbs was gone.

"You are not going to see him off?" Ziva asked.

"Trying to keep work separate. He'd just have bit my head off if I'd tried."

"Yeah, but you don't know how long he'll be gone... You should at least say good luck, right?" Tony asked.

"Um... I'm good, thanks." Tim decided he _really_ didn't want to talk about it.

"I have never worked with the Office of Special Operations. Have either of you?"

"Never been out there to LA. Met Callen, the leader of their top team, though, when he was here and stayed with Gibbs. He is exactly what you'd picture of a Hollywood Agent: he's moviestar handsome, with a great body, and this confidence that just oozes from every pore. He's how I found out Gibbs was bi, and really, I can actually get it! If I was ever going to switch sides, man, either a guy like Gibbs or a guy like Callen would be it. Make you think they know something you don't, and I bet they'd show _anyone_ a good time. Like some kind of pan-sexual modern-day Casanovas—"

Tim stood abruptly, banging his knee on his desk so hard he had to grab his monitor as it tilted back. Tony cut off his ramble and stared at him, and Ziva frowned.

"I've gotta...hit the head," Tim mumbled, and moved to go.

"Hey, if it's that urgent, you might want to get your prostate checked!" DiNozzo called after him. Ziva's cold stare made him shrug defensively. "What?! I'm watchin' out for my Probie!"

"This is the first time they have been separated since they became involved romantically. And you just told him that Gibbs is going to be working with a very attractive man."

"So? Gibbs would never..."

"Do you think that McGee is confident enough to believe that?"

"...oops."

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs quashed the slight concern he felt when Tim didn't join him in the elevator. It was better he hadn't. Keeping work and home separate was the only way to keep the team together. He turned his focus to gathering his things and getting to his transport. On the long flight, he reviewed the case file three times, then finally settled back. His mind immediately went to Tim, and he regretted having not said goodbye. Being his boss made the whole situation more complicated than he wanted it to be. Would it have been so bad to call him to the elevator and taken the time to have a private moment? It was still at work, but if that was the only chance they'd had... He found himself quite disturbed to be unable to recall the last time he'd said 'I love you'. Especially after last night... Had he said it when he got out of bed? Every time each of them went into the field, they were at risk, and Gibbs needed to figure out a way to let Tim know how loved and appreciated he was. Maybe a code word... He should never have left without saying anything at all to him. Forcing himself to doze, Gibbs was restless and cranky by the time they landed.

When it was time to go home that night, Tim drove slowly, not really wanting to get back and spend the night in the empty house, thinking about Gibbs and Callen. When he did arrive home, he ate a quick dinner and then started pacing. He was worried. Gibbs had left without Tim having the chance to say anything to him, and he wanted to rectify that. And after the way last night had gone... Should he call? Text? He really wanted to hear Gibbs' voice, but he didn't want to interrupt if they'd immediately jumped into the case. After starting and stopping several times, he finally decided a text message from his personal phone would be the least intrusive way to make contact. Gibbs only had one phone, so that limited his options. He spent twenty minutes worrying over what the text should say. He eventually settled on short and direct.

-Good luck. Be safe. I love you. Call when you can: not urgent.-

He sent it, hoping he wasn't stepping over the line they were still establishing between work and personal time. He tried not to constantly check for a response, and eventually had to leave the phone in the kitchen while he tried to work on his laptop in the living room. His mind kept wandering, an insidious little voice reminding him of how impressive Callen had been when he met him at the Office of Special Projects, how relaxed and pleasant Gibbs had been in his presence. No wonder. They'd been lovers, and they were such a great team... The voice pointed out how vast the differences between he and Gibbs were, and he started running through all the people he knew Gibbs had been romantically involved with and how he was quieter, less assertive, and less attractive than any of them. By the time he went up to bed, he was replaying the previous night's sex in the basement and wondering if maybe he wasn't strong enough to handle Gibbs, if maybe Gibbs was getting tired of coddling him at home and was starting to show that the person he was at work, the bastard, was who he truly was, and he was reaching his limit of pretending for Tim and putting up with his weakness. He curled into a miserable ball and cried himself to sleep.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs had to smile when he disembarked and found his old friend G Callen waiting. They hugged, a macho back-pounding, but Gibbs knew Callen was checking him out just as he was the younger man. Neither had changed the short haircuts they kept, though Gibbs' had silvered further since they'd last met. Both were carrying a bit more weight than back then, too, but damn, Callen still looked _good_.

"You up to speed?"

"Read the file. I thought you put that bastard Plushenko in the ground."

Callen looked mockingly hurt. "I did! But his legacy lives on, my friend."

Gibbs grunted and slung his bag into the backseat of the car. He looked over the aggressive looking vehicle. "Sam let you borrow his car?"

"...let?"

They laughed and Callen gave Gibbs the gritty details about the terrorist they were hunting while he drove them to the hidden Office of Special Projects. It had moved and the atmosphere had changed considerably since Gibbs had been there last. The bolted door on the mission style dilapidated building gave way to an airy, light space inside, with Henrietta Lange's desk on a platform overlooking the first floor. The tiny dynamo of a woman was nowhere to be seen, and Assistant Director Granger approached them instead. He shook Gibbs' hand and indicated they should go up the stairs to ops, where the rest of Callen's team waited. They got to work.

When the plan was finally decided upon, Granger ordered them to get some sleep before they put it into effect the following day.

"I have a house now," Callen told Gibbs as they descended to the ground level. Gibbs grunted. "I keep thinkin' I'll put a bed in one of the bedrooms for guests, but I do have a couch, which would be more familiar for ya anyway."

As Gibbs picked up his bag, he narrowed his eyes at Callen. "You asking for a sleepover?"

"Unless you'd prefer a scuzzy motel."

As they approached G's car, Gibbs lowered his voice. "Sleep. Yeah. That's _all_ , though."

A knowing look came to the shorter man's face, but he didn't say anything else until they were headed into the city, his driving rivaling Gibbs' own.

"Yeah, I heard you're trying a _relationship_ with a guy again. Man, you're not an optimist in any other part of your life; why do you keep trying for big love and shit?"

"Thought I was through with that, but Tim's worth it."

"Tim?"

Gibbs nodded. Callen was sure to have an opinion about the situation, so Gibbs dove in, wanting to get everything out in the open ASAP. "Special Agent Tim McGee."

"That doughy, baby-faced tech geek you brought out here? Really!"

"Watch your mouth, Callen, that's the person I'm spending the rest of my life with." Gibbs found himself tensing and deliberately relaxed his shoulders.

"He's cute, but... I can't imagine you have anything at all in common."

"Not like us, you mean? Or me and the last two guys I dated and ended up punching in their faces? This is so much better than a bull-headed, sarcastic asshole, you don't even know."

Callen laughed. "Yeah, your type was always too much like _you_. But he's younger than _me_ , and you always made that one if the roadblocks with us trying for anything serious."

"That and the fact that we'd kill each other if we ever had to spend more than a few weeks together."

Callen snorted, conceding that point. They arrived at his house, in a typical LA suburban neighborhood, and went inside before he continued.

"You're risking your career, and his, for a pipe dream. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway."

"Helluva dream, G. He's incredible."

Callen shook his head and went to get a pillow and a light blanket for his guest. Gibbs had stripped down to t-shirt and boxers when he returned, so G just handed him the bedding. Gibbs tossed them on the sofa and turned to face him, hands on his hips.

"Incredible, huh? Maybe I should remind you what a real man is capable of..." Callen stepped closer and tried to move in for a kiss. Gibbs stopped him with a hand on his chest.

"Sleep. That's it."

That little twist of Callen's mouth that passed for a smile from the younger man was sexy as hell, and this close to him, Gibbs could smell the familiar, hyper-masculine scent of him. But he wasn't Tim, and Gibbs shook his head.

Callen's eyes dropped to the front of Gibbs' underwear where the evidence of his attraction was filling out. "You really think he'd mind?" G said, his voice low and seductive. Gibbs just shook his head again. "He doesn't even have to know, Jethro..."

" _Ain't. Gonna. Happen._ "

"Pudgy milk-toast over me? You sure?"

Rage at the insult to Tim, at the suggestion that he wasn't enough for Gibbs, flashed through his body, and he acted without thinking, head-butting Callen, showing just enough restraint to aim for his forehead rather than his nose. The younger man grunted and fell back, holding his face. The mocking laughter he emitted was even more infuriating and Gibbs clenched his fists, ready to take it further. But G waved him off and headed toward his own room.

"Ah, Jethro. You lay out here and think about what you're missing. Come on down the hall if you decide you want—" He was going to again say 'a real man', but the pounding in his head curtailed the suicidal phrase. "—a piece of me."

When he was gone, Gibbs dropped to the couch and sighed. Callen was gorgeous, and Gibbs had taken advantage of nearly every op they'd worked together since discovering they were both bisexual to fuck his brains out. His body remembered vividly all the times they'd screwed instead of sleeping, and he shook his head to try to clear it of the images from his memories. Suddenly needing to hear Tim's voice, he grabbed his phone. There was a text there, and it warmed him that his partner had taken the time to check in with him. He didn't look at the time before he hit his speed dial.

Tim bolted awake. He'd planned on getting up at 0500 to get a workout in before he had to be at his desk, but it was only 0430. The ring tone was Gibbs', though, and he snatched at the device as fast as he could.

"Hi," he answered.

"Hey, Tim," Gibbs said.

They both paused. They almost never spoke on the phone save for work or practical 'what do you want from the store' type of phone calls.

"How's California?" Tim finally said, after worrying his lip with his teeth for several breaths.

"Too warm."

"How's the op?"

"Can't say."

"I wish you could have taken one of us with you. Tony, maybe. Have your back."

"I'm with Callen," Gibbs said. Tim's investigative skills caught a nuance to the words that made his stomach drop.

"He's...good. He'll, um, keep you safe?"

"Watched each other's backs lots of times, Tim."

Tears filled Tim's eyes and he bit his lip again at the hard tone in Gibbs' voice. His breath caught and he couldn't keep himself from a pained whisper. "When are you coming home?"

"When the op is done."

"Hate thinking of you all alone."

"I'm not. I'm staying with Callen. He's actually got a real house, now."

Tim choked and suppressed a moan. He couldn't stand it anymore.

"Gibbs, I have to verify. You and Callen were...?"

"Used to sleep together. Yeah. Never anything serious, Tim."

"But you're _staying_ at his _house_?"

Gibbs scowled at the implication. "On the _couch_ ," he snapped.

Tim heard the anger in Gibbs' voice and he cringed. Tears started sliding down his cheeks, and he couldn't speak.

"I'm going to bed," Gibbs said, ending the conversation. It was better he didn't say anything else lest he get hurtful in his frustration that Tim didn't trust him. Still wrestling with the guilt he felt at having been so brutal to Tim the other night, he needed to keep himself tightly reined. He hung up and slapped the phone onto the table beside the couch. He laid down, punching the pillow angrily before he drew the blanket over himself and closed his eyes, knowing he needed the rest, but trying not to replay Tim's mistrustful words over and over.

"I love—" Tim realized he was talking to a dead line before he finished the sentence. He dropped his phone and buried his face in a pillow and wept.

~~~NCIS~~~

Tim was able to get ahold of himself in time to get to his scheduled meeting with Ned. The big man held the heavy bag for him, and Tim beat at it until his hands were aching. They sparred, but Dorneget called a halt after being thrown and hit full force one too many times.

"What is going on with you?!" Ned asked.

Tim grumbled and prevaricated, and finally admitted that Gibbs had gone out of town.

"That's great, man! Me and some of my friends are going out after work. I never invite you to come with because of Gibbs, but today you're joining us."

"I don't feel like it, Dornie."

"Too bad. You're bummed and we're gonna show you a good time. I'll pick you up at 1930."

Though he protested, and he hoped (in vain) for a case that would keep him at work and distracted, he found himself in Ned's car with five other men, heading toward a pub downtown that evening.

It became quickly apparent that this was part of Dorneget's circle of gay friends who believed in bisexuals like they were unicorns or dragons. He took a bit of harassment stoically before they settled down when Ned told them he was in a long term relationship with a man. When they learned that his partner was out of town, the suggestiveness and innuendo cranked up even higher, and it suddenly felt to Tim like he was out with Tony's frat brothers. One guy, a stocky Mexican name Rod, started flirting outrageously with him. The talk was only partially directed at Tim, but to his perception, revolved around sex. There was much debate about how acceptable cheating should or shouldn't be, with Rod the vocal proponent of free love and Dorneget continually throwing in his optimism for a monogamous future when he found Mr Right. Tim bought two rounds of drinks just to have the excuse to get away from constantly dodging his admirer's hands and 'accidental' touches. It was only 2130 when he started hinting to Ned that he was done. The younger man tried to convince him to stay with them since they were going clubbing after the pub, but a final time of having his ass grabbed by Rod, and Tim practically ran for the door, calling a cab as he went.

Staring out at the city lights during the drive back to the house, Tim found his head ringing with all the arguments he'd heard that night: sex was just bodies and not love, and so just fucking someone else was okay if you kept your heart for your lover; it was okay if your partner never knew, and that was easier to accomplish when you were out of town; men aren't biologically programmed for monogamy, so cheating was natural and inevitable... Tears started sliding down his cheeks and he blindly passed too much money to the cabbie as he got out and went into the house. As he unlocked the door, he gave a small start when he realized he was thinking of it as _the_ house, not _our_ house, or even his home. He stepped inside and sagged against the door, sliding down until he sat with his back against it and his knees drawn up. The entryway looked different from the low angle, and he craned his neck to see as much of the house as he could without getting up. Everything looked bigger, and then it just looked blurry.

When Gibbs returned, Tim would have to find out if he was right and his partner had been unfaithful. If so, he'd be moving back into his apartment, and he'd probably have to ask for a transfer. Those two huge practical changes, painful though they would be, paled in comparison to the thought of losing Gibbs and never getting to add to the precious cache of memories of their time together. Tim climbed to his feet and wandered the house from top to bottom, the tragic goodbye song from the musical Aida, Written in the Stars, filling his mind. He'd seen a performance years ago with Penny and had bought the soundtrack, finding it a good album to listen to while he cleaned house.

He made it to the basement after standing on the stairs for several minutes remembering their dark encounter. He thought back to when Gibbs had been drugged at Verse and had taken him nearly as roughly. There had been extreme foreplay then, and he'd carried the bite marks on his back and thighs for nearly a week. It had been wildly erotic to have the tightly controlled Gibbs completely lose it and fuck him with total abandon. But it had still felt different the other night. He'd felt like something Gibbs _owned_ , and while he loved it when he felt like he completely belonged to Gibbs, this had been more like Gibbs marking his property than caring for and needing him. God, how had they come to this? He'd always felt loved and appreciated by Gibbs until now. All the accumulation of the information he'd gained since Gibbs left settled into him like resignation. He wandered around the room, coming to grips with the idea that that might have been the last time they'd ever be intimate and so finding some sweetness even in the nearly violent encounter. By the time he'd circled the basement twice, he was desperate to shut his mind off from the awful thoughts of losing all he'd ever wanted, and he reached for Gibbs' bottle of bourbon.

~~~NCIS~~~

"I brought a fresh bottle, Jethro, we're gonna need it," Tobias Fornell said as he stalked down the stairs into the basement. "You're not gonna believe what Diane did this time. She's positively certifiable-" He stopped cold on the bottom step at the sight of Special Agent Timothy McGee straddling a sawhorse, bottle in one hand, the other holding the wood as he leaned precariously to the side, singing, tears streaking his red and puffy face.

" _-written i'th staaars... Pay'n for sum criiime... Z'at all we'r good -fer-... Stretsh -uh- mort'l tiiiime..._ "

" _McGee_?" He came down onto the floor and looked around, alarmed when he didn't see his friend anywhere. "Where's Gibbs? Did something happen to him?"

Tim blinked at the figure as he approached and swayed, two legs of the sawhorse lifting before he could recover and get level again.

"He'sh with his G-man..." Tim slurred. " _Give'n para-dise... Only fer... Daaaay..._ "

"What? Is he on an op with another Agency?"

"N-See-I-Esh... Ell-Aay... With G. Prolly fuching 'im ri' now..." Tim began to sob noisily. "Who the fu' am I kidding? Why woul' Gibbs wan' me when he c'n shag tha' gorgeoush ass? Pretty blue-eyes... Waaay tougher'n me... 'M a fuckin' _girl_ , man... Can't ev'n take it when he gets a li'l rough..."

Fornell approached the completely shit-faced drunk McGee slowly. "All right, kid. Why don't I take that?" He retrieved the bottle from Tim's left hand, setting both that nearly empty one and the one he'd brought on the workbench. "So... You're in love with Gibbs?"

" _No 'scape... No change o' heart... 'Nywhere ta hiiiide..._ " Tim wiped his face with his now free hand and stared at Fornell, or near him, anyway, trying to focus. "F'nell?"

"Yeah, it's me, kid. You know where Gibbs is?"

"L's Angeles. With _Call'n_. Prolly fuckin'..."

"Callen. The Agent? Is Gibbs on an op in LA?"

"Uh-huh... Stayin' a' G's... Used ta be lovers... Why would he wan' me if he'sh had _that_?!" Tim wept again, nearly falling off his perch. Fornell caught him. From what he could tell, Gibbs wasn't home, and McGee obviously needed to be taken care of, so he set about trying to get the tall man to his feet and off the sawhorse. It seemed for several moments like had extra limbs, gangly and grabby.

" _Yer all I 'ver wan... This 'm deniiiiied..._ "

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, McGee... C'mon now, let's get you upstairs."

"Migh' as well sleep in our bed 'ntil he comes home... Guess I'll hafta move m'stuff back t'...'partment..."

" _Wha is t'be in love... Have luuuv r'tuuuurned..._ "

Fornell let him sing and sob and drip all over his shoulder as they finally ascended the steps. He wanted to stop and get McGee settled on the couch, but the drunk insisted on heading toward the second floor and would have fallen head-long into the bannister if Tobias hadn't managed to manhandle him back to balancing on his feet.

"Still smell my Gibbs on th' pillows..." He mumbled. "Gonn' miss tha'... Ohhh gonna miss it aaalll!" He wailed. "Best sex _ever_... Ev'n when 'e tied me up... Now 'e's fuckin' Cal'frnia pretty... G's got more'n me... _Give'n paradise... Only for...a Daaaay..._ "

Fornell nearly dropped him when he realized what Tim was saying. Gibbs was sleeping with McGee?! And McGee thought he might be cheating on him with an agent in LA?! And what the hell had he been talking about, Jethro got rough with him and tied him up? He shook his head. He didn't want to know that kind of detail about his friend's bedroom habits or kinks or whatever. They continued up to the bedroom which, from what Tobias knew, had been a storage room for years. When they passed the threshold, he received another shock at the lush, rich bedding with a mountain of pillows at the head. He began to wonder if he'd fallen asleep or perhaps had gotten drunk and passed out. This was all so surreal it had to be a dream, right? Or a nightmare; he did not want to think about Gibbs tying up his youngest agent and... No. Just... _no_.

Letting the younger man drop onto the _purple_ comforter, he began to mutter.

"Jethro, what in hell are you thinking? McGee! Hey, kid, I'm putting a wastebasket here -"

"Tha's _Gibbs_ side o' th' bed..." Came the muffled reply. He'd wriggled up so he was all the way on the bed and had his head buried in the shiny pillows. Fornell rolled his eyes and put the container on ' _McGee's_ ' side of the bed.

"Don't puke on the silk pillows, I'm going to get you some water and aspirin."

"I _love_ m' pillows. I won' puke on 'em."

"Yeah. Okay."

When Fornell returned with a glass and pills, he set them on the nightstand. McGee seemed to be unconscious and he turned to go. At least he wasn't singing. He had the worst voice for it Tobias had ever heard.

"Is Gibbs comin' home?" The question floated to him from behind a turquoise pillow with tassels on the corners, sounding wistfully plaintive, and terribly young.

"I don't know, kid. Did he say he was coming, uh, home?"

"Yeah. When th' op was done."

"Then I expect he'll be back when the op is done. He's like that."

"Love 'im. Love 'im so much..." Tim rolled over and blinked up at Fornell. "Shoulda known it wouldn' last. He's... He's too good for me. Beaut'ful dream... Girly Timmy 'n strong, gorgeoush Gibbs... Gonn' miss 'im... Gonn' miss _dancin_ '..."

Singing _and_ dancing? "Go to sleep now, kid. I'm gonna stay downstairs. Holler if you need anything, okay?"

"'Kay... Gibbs sai' we're 'kay n'matter wha' anyone else..." The soft voice faded out into a long sigh.

Fornell looked around the room, noting how it did indeed look like two people were sharing it. He wondered again if he'd wandered into bizarro world, then he retreated to the living room. He took his coat off, loosened his tie, and kicked back on the sofa.

~~~NCIS~~~

The op ended abruptly and anti-climatically as they sometimes did. Their terrorist had tried to get on a plane, and been taken by TSA. Gibbs and Callen got the call at a little after nine, while they were just finishing dinner at a restaurant Sam had recommended. The former SEAL had begged off to go home to his wife and daughter.

"There's a red-eye at 11:45. I'm gonna be on it," Gibbs declared, wiping his mouth and throwing his napkin on the table.

"Gotta get back to your... What are you even calling each other?" Callen asked. He still wasn't convinced that this whole thing with Tim wasn't yet another huge mistake by Jethro.

"Partner. That's what we're calling each other."

"Uh-huh. You know this has disaster written all over it." G's jealousy that Gibbs was willing to break his own rules for someone so unsuited to him had faded after he'd been violently refused the night before.

Gibbs sighed. "Look, G, I'm not gonna argue anymore. I'm with Tim. I'm staying with him, for as long as he's willing to put up with me. You..." He rose and tossed some cash on the table, thoroughly disgusted with his friend and former lover. "Can kiss my ass."

Callen stared. "Really? That's what you're gonna end with?" He got up and added money to the pile, following Gibbs as he headed into the warmth of the evening. "C'mon, Jethro! Is that your final word?"

Gibbs whirled to confront his old friend. "You don't get it! I love him! I love him like I loved Shannon! More, even! I'd give up _anything_ to be with him, G. I'd retire, leave everything and everyone behind if that's what it took to be with him. I'm _alive_ again. He gave me... He gives meaning to everything. I'm not giving up a second chance I _know_ I don't deserve. If you don't get what this means for me, then you never fucking knew me _at all_."

Callen's mouth twisted into a rueful smile as Gibbs walked away double-time. He'd finally gotten the answer he needed from his friend. Jethro was gonna be fine, and Callen was so happy for him he started to get misty. That shocked him so much that it broke his paralysis and he ran after Gibbs. When he caught up to him, he fell into step.

"Alright, then. Let's get you to the airport."

"You're really a dick sometimes, you know that?"

"Yup. Just like you. That's why we'd never work." Callen stated it as much for himself as for Gibbs.

"Amen."

Gibbs couldn't wait to get home.

In the car heading back to Callen's house to grab his kit, Gibbs felt a wash of ice down his back at the recollection of what he'd done in the basement. He'd buried it, but now that he was returning to Tim, he'd have to face it.

"You just went from happier than I've ever seen you to brooding again," Callen stated. Even at this time in the evening, the traffic was terrible, and they were stuck crawling along the 405. G hadn't even had to look at Gibbs to sense the change that came over him.

Gibbs debated. He could wait and talk to Ducky when he got back, but Ducky, like everyone back there, was protective of Tim, and confessing that he'd tied him up and forced himself on him would be... He'd be lucky if Ducky didn't castrate him.

"I fucked up with him the night before I left," he said. Callen was far enough removed that this might be his only chance to confess.

"Yeah. So?"

"He's so... Look, you haven't seen him in years. He was adorable when he was heavier. He looked like one of those diaper angels-"

"Cherubs."

Gibbs sighed. He'd wanted Tim when he was soft and rounded and angelic, but he'd restrained himself because of how young he'd been. "Well, he's lost a ton of weight. He's slim, and he's tougher, too. He's so fucking sexy..."

Callen almost groaned. He did _not_ want to hear Jethro talk about how gorgeous his boyfriend was. "You said you fucked up."

"I did. Bad. We went out, and this other guy hit on him..."

"You beat the shit outta the dude?"

"No, Tim brushed him off, but I was so pissed..."

Callen frowned. "What did you do?"

Gibbs gritted his teeth and came clean. "I took him home and tied him up and hurt him," he said, his voice a low monotone.

"You...hurt _Tim_? Because someone flirted with him? That's fucked up."

Gibbs felt his hands tremor and he gripped his knees. "Yeah."

"You said you tied him up. You've messed around with some BDSM with him before, I assume?" He knew Gibbs enjoyed power games from personal experience.

"Light stuff."

"Did he come?"

"Yeah."

"You spent time; did some aftercare?"

"I... Yes."

" _And_ he's an agent. He has skills to fight off unwanted advances. They teach that at fucking FLETC. He could have used a safe word or just said no, right?"

"It wasn't a sexy _game_ , G. I was in a rage; out of control. I _slapped_ him when he tried to protest, and I fucked him _bare_ and yeah, he came, I know what I'm fucking doing, I know men's bodies, but it was nasty and mean and I made him _cry_ , damnit! This strong, brilliant person I love, I made him cry. Why in hell should he have to put up with a possessive old man who hurts him when he could have anyone he wanted?"

Callen was shocked. 'Gibbs' and 'old' did not belong in the same zip code, but he was obviously feeling insecure to have behaved as he had. Jethro Gibbs. Insecure. Callen's expression remained neutral, but he was appalled by the revelation. Jethro was strong and confident, even cocky, like G himself. That he could have found himself in a situation where he questioned everything he was, where he'd lost all control and let loose with some of the darkness he usually kept walled away to be unleashed with dirtbags on his lover... Callen tried not to show it, but he was reeling.

"What happened after?"

"What?"

"Right after. What'd you do? What'd he do?"

"Aftercare. Like you said."

"So you cleaned up and made kissy and went to bed. Did he act normal after?"

"He... I held him, and he slept. Then I got the call out."

"You didn't discuss it."

"No time."

"So discuss it when you get home. BDSM only works with clear parameters and trust. If you think you violated that, you've gotta talk to him about it."

Gibbs shook his head. Callen had never had a real, long term relationship. He wasn't dumb, he just didn't get that he'd violated more than the rules of a sex game. He'd lost control, and after he'd done that when he was drugged, he'd vowed to never hurt Tim again. He'd broken a vow. He'd broken a trust that was about more than sex. He knew he'd never forgive himself.

"Yeah. We gotta talk." Gibbs found himself bleakly facing the very real possibility that he was going to lose the only person he'd loved since Shannon died.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs frowned when he opened the unlocked front door. Tim was usually better about that. As he moved through the house, he was taken abruptly aback when the form laying in the sofa snoring softly had a balding head propped up on the arm.

"Tobias?"

The FBI Agent blinked awake. "Jethro." He sat up. "We need to talk."

"What are you doing sleeping on my couch? Where's Tim?"

"So he wasn't confused. _Well_... He was telling the truth. Huh. I thought you were done with that."

"Is he okay?"

Fornell gave him a hard look. "Probably has one hell of a hangover. He's upstairs, in that room of yours that's been turned into a harem tent from Aladdin."

Gibbs scowled at the criticism but nodded in relief that Tim was safe in bed. "You get him drunk?"

"Of course not! I came over to tell you my latest Diane debacle, and he's in your basement _singing_ , falling down drunk."

"...singing?"

"And crying. Practically wailing and tearing his hair for god's sake. He said you were cheating on him in LA with an agent? I thought you'd outgrown this kind of drama, Jethro."

Gibbs' gut knotted. Tim thought he'd fucked Callen while he was out there? Right after he'd brutalized him? He'd never have a chance to make things right if Tim thought he'd do such a thing. But he'd broken one vow, so why wouldn't Tim believe he might break another? He headed for the stairs and Fornell moved faster than Gibbs would usually credit him, blocking the way.

"Uh-uh. Are you really sleeping with your Junior Agent?"

"Yes! Alright? And not just sleeping with him: I love him and we're making a life together. Trying to, anyway."

"I thought you gave up on men. You had a shiner for a week after you and that MP split up."

"Tim's different, Tobias. It...it could work this time."

"Then why'd you cheat on him?"

"I didn't!"

"Well _he_ sure thinks you did. He was whining about moving back into his apartment. Did you really let him move in?"

"Damnit! I _didn't fuck Callen_. And yes, Tim lives here, and he's _staying_."

"So why'd you tie him up and get rough, then?"

Gibbs froze. "I - what?"

"He was drunk rambling, but he said... He said he doubted you wanted him because he couldn't take it when you got rough. But then he said it was great, even when you tied him up. So what in hell are you doing with this kid?!"

Gibbs tried to shove past Fornell.

"Uh-uh. I want an answer. Have you gone off the deep end?"

"It's...it's complicated."

"No shit. Just tell me he's not in danger. If you've finally snapped, I'm gonna steal him for the FBI and make sure he's safe, even from you. He's a good kid."

"He's not in danger. I... He's not gonna get hurt on my watch."

Fornell studied his friend. There were cracks in his stone-faced armor that Tobias had never seen before. "Are you alright, Jethro?"

"I just... I wanna see Tim. I need to see him."

"Wait. You're really living with McGee. Won't your Director split your team up?"

Gibbs gritted his teeth. "Tobias, I need to see Tim. Thank you for taking care of him last night, but you need to leave," he said, being as civil as he could. He was halfway up the stairs when he paused. "And lock the door on your way out!"

Fornell watched him disappear up the stairs and shook his head. For his friend's sake, and for the young McGee's health as well, he hoped this would be different from the last time Gibbs had dated a man. Getting into fistfights with a paramour had been more than one step too far, in Tobias' opinion. But he knew how protective Gibbs was of his people, so he knew he'd never really hurt McGee. He threw his hands up at the whole thing and left, locking the doorknob behind himself, as requested.

Gibbs stopped outside of the bedroom door. He was furious. Somehow, Tim had come to believe that he'd been unfaithful. And coupled with what had happened before he left, Tim thought the relationship that they'd both committed their entire hearts to was ending. How the hell could he deal with all that when he was nearly in as towering of a rage as he'd been that night?

He stopped himself. Tobias had derided the new decor in the bedroom, had questioned his relationship, expressed doubts about how they could possibly make this life together work. That was sending his temper skyrocketing, overwhelming the helpless frustration he was feeling over Tim doubting his fidelity. He needed to calm down before he confronted his lover, or they'd do nothing but fight, and he did not dare even tempt a repeat of the basement.

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs tried to focus on what he wanted to have happen. He wanted Tim to understand that he would never cheat on him, that he honored him above anything else, and that he regretted to his core what he'd done to him. He wanted that shining, smiling look on Tim's face, wanted his wicked grin as his thoughts turned sexy, wanted to see contentment and confidence in his beautiful eyes. Yelling wouldn't get him that. He wasn't sure what would, but he was going to do his damnedest to figure it out. He went in and stood next to the bed.

"Tim?" Gibbs spoke softly. The form on the bed moved and he heard a groan. He sat on the edge and rubbed what he figured was Tim's back. "Babe, you had any water yet?"

"Mm-hmm. N'asprin, too."

"Okay. Then I think we need to talk."

The lump under the comforter shifted and Gibbs smiled with tenderness at the sight of his fastidious Tim with his hair in complete disarray, his face pale, eyes red and puffy.

"Tobias was down on the couch. Guess he put you to bed last night?"

Tim frowned. His memory was extremely hazy, but he thought he recalled Fornell being in the house at some point. "I guess so."

"I intended to tell him at some point, but I guess you took care of that."

"Umm..." Tim vaguely remembered crying because he'd been really sure Gibbs was going to screw Callen while he was in LA.

"And I got an earful because he thought I was cheating on you."

"Uh-oh..."

"Ya think?"

Tim dropped his extra large head back onto the pillows, looking away from Gibbs. "I think I convinced myself that you... That I'd have to move back to my apartment."

"Because you thought I was gonna fuck G while I was out there?"

"...yeah."

"Tim... Jesus Christ... How poorly do you think of me that you think I'd do that?" His control slipped and he let frustration color his words.

"I... Gibbs, I never think bad of _you_. I, um, I don't feel like _I'm_..." He sighed. This was really too much to have to have this conversation while his tongue felt like it was coated in fuzz and his head was three times bigger than normal and felt ready to pop like a balloon if he spoke too loud or moved too quick. "I'm hung over. Can we talk about this later?"

"Spit it out, Tim. You don't feel like you're...what?"

"Worthy of you. I know how lucky I am every day that you still look at me and see someone you want to be with."

Gibbs stared at him. It all came back to Tim's fragile sense of self-worth. At work, he strove to prove himself with every case, and he knew just how good and valuable he was in that capacity. But on a personal level, he'd never hit that confidence. Gibbs didn't know how to help him with that, but beating him and using him like a fuck toy surely hadn't helped. A memory struck him of the first time he'd said the words 'I love you' and Tim had fallen apart. Tim _needed_ words. That's why Gibbs was talking more. With a mental headslap, he nodded and cleared his throat.

"Do you think, from what you know, that if Shannon was still alive, that she and I would still be together? Do you think our love would have lasted through the years?"

Tim frowned. He didn't know where Gibbs was going with this, but he answered honestly. "Of course."

"Do you believe that I would have been faithful to her? That I'd have continued to love her above anyone else?"

"Yes." Tim's voice had dropped to a whisper. He tensed, waiting for the anvil to fall on his chest and crush his heart, for Gibbs to tell him that he would never be able to love anyone else like that again.

"Tim, I've tried to tell you, but I couldn't say it. I've tried to show you, but it's not enough." Gibbs sighed and ran his hand over his face, rubbing his head, then focusing back on Tim's frightened expression. "I love you. I... I love you more...than I loved her." He paused and took a tremulous breath, his body going cold at him finally saying what he'd felt all along. "I'm more myself, more honest and open, with you, than I _ever_ was with her. So, do the math, you fucking genius. Wrap that big old brain of yours around that 'if-then' statement."

Tim's eyes stared unblinking at him, then tears started streaming from his eyes and he covered his face as he started sobbing. Gibbs gently wrapped his arms around him and let him cry. He rubbed soothingly along Tim's back and rocked slowly.

"I love you. I told you that. But you didn't listen. I can't believe you got hammered. You owe me a bottle of bourbon, now," he spoke softly and tried for a bit of levity. "You don't even like bourbon, Tim. What were you _thinking_?"

All of the worries and fears he'd had evaporated as Tim sat there and let Gibbs' words sink in. Everyone who knew Gibbs set Shannon and his love for her on an impossibly high pedestal. Tim had never dared hope he could be anything like she had been to Gibbs. Tears continued to course down his cheeks, but he drew back to look at him.

"Y-you don't have to say that. I-I know you feel it. I believe you. I just... I'm _here_. She's been gone for so long, and you held onto her so tightly... Just, just don't idealize me, and us. We've got problems, Gibbs. We'll keep working at it- I promise I'm willing to work at it... I kinda... I think you're finally healing, from losing her. About damned time, too. But don't hate yourself for moving on, with me, babe. You're not loving her any less by loving me," Tim rambled. He knew he wasn't saying it right, perhaps wasn't even quite coherent, but he felt he needed to be sure Gibbs wasn't beating himself up for feeling what he was feeling in this instance.

Tears filled Gibbs' eyes at Tim's words. That in the midst of this painful, hung over moment, he was immediately trying to take care of Gibbs again just reinforced that all he said was true. The more traditional relationship he'd had with Shannon paled against this true partnership he had with Tim. He'd loved Shannon, and that would have been his only marriage if she'd lived, but losing her had made it possible for him to find this, with the amazing person who sat before him, and he wouldn't trade Tim away for anything or anyone. No matter how much he felt unworthy of it, he had to figure out a new way of doing things or he'd lose the only true and good thing in his life.

He cupped Tim's precious face in his hands and wiped at the wetness on his cheeks. "I get it. I love you, Tim. I'm not going anywhere, and there's no way in hell you're moving out. All I could think about on the whole flight was getting home to you. Let's go to sleep, because later on I want to make love to my partner and spend lots of time at it."

Finally, Tim's face lit with the smile Gibbs craved, and he just looked at him, soaking in the moment. Then he gently kissed him, and encouraged him to settle back under the covers. Gibbs stood and stripped his clothes off, then climbed in beside him and snuggled close and fell to sleep, Tim's warmth and acceptance finally shoring up his self-protective walls enough so he could rest.

~~~NCIS~~~

_A/N In the * scene, Gibbs ties Tim's hands behind his back and bends him over and fucks him roughly. He briefly holds Tim by the throat, spanks him for talking after he told him not to, and finishes by jacking himself off on Tim's back. Tim is aroused but disturbed, and cries during and after. Again, he never tries to stop Gibbs. I hope that the subsequent discussions with the other characters about this scene make my intention clear: it was rough and unsettling, but not physically harmful._

_I am going to try for a Friday posting schedule for the last chapters of this, cross posting on AO3 and maybe NFA if I can manage the time to convert my files to html._


	5. Karma Chameleon

Chapter Five: Karma Chameleon

Tim woke after noon, with Gibbs still close by his side. His head throbbed, and he figured he'd need to eat something and to take more aspirin before he'd begin to feel human. What Gibbs had said to him played through his mind, and while a thrill made his stomach flip-flop at the idea that Gibbs might actually love him more than he had loved his first wife, he understood that it wasn't logical to compare the two. He sighed, knowing that that thought must have been plaguing Gibbs for months, and that it had been offered like a gift, verbalized when Tim needed reassurance the most. He would never want to hurt the man by discounting the declaration, but he did want Gibbs to be honest with himself, too.

Thinking through the last few days, Tim's hindsight showed him exactly how he'd ended up drunk and crying, but he still worried about how he could have doubted Gibbs' fidelity. He was passionately loyal: Semper fi to the nth degree. Considering, Tim realized that his own insecurities were to blame. He needed to tell Gibbs that, too. But not before food and coffee.

Slipping out of bed, he pulled on a t-shirt and boxers and went downstairs. He put the coffee on, and swallowed a few more pain relievers before he started breakfast. He fried bacon and then cooked eggs in the fat. He choked down one greasy egg, then brought the rest of the food, along with two cups of coffee upstairs. Gibbs rolled over to look at him as he entered the room, and Tim smiled shyly.

He'd woken when Tim got up and he'd been listening and thinking while Tim made breakfast. The uncertainty Tim showed as he offered the food made his chest tighten. He'd told Tim everything, he'd confessed his understanding that he loved Tim more than he'd ever loved anyone, and Tim was still practically walking on eggshells.

Watching as Tim set the tray on the bed, Gibbs nodded his thanks when Tim passed him a mug before sitting down carefully on his side. There was a tentativeness to him that bothered Gibbs, but he let the time stretch out as they drank their coffee and ate. As the coffee got his thoughts going, he put the pieces together again. The glaring fault was his. He'd broken Tim's trust in the basement and there was no quick fix for that. He'd have to do everything he could think of to even things out between them, to get them back to level.

"Does a greasy breakfast work for you?" Gibbs asked, wanting to start the process, aching within with self-recriminations. Tim shrugged.

"I'm not sure. I hardly ever get wasted like that, so I'm trying it out," he replied. He switched from the coffee to the glass of water that sat on his nightstand, drinking it down and setting it empty on the tray. He nibbled on a piece of bacon and watched Gibbs from beneath his eyelashes.

"Hot shower, too," Gibbs suggested. That always helped him sweat the alcohol out after a night of liquid oblivion.

"Together?" Tim asked. Gibbs tilted his head. Tim, slick and soapy... His skin pink and body pliant... Gibbs _so_ had not earned that back yet.

"I'll join you to get clean, then you should soak for a bit. I'll change the sheets and we can get back in bed for a while..."

Tim nodded. He was disappointed, but he imagined that shower sex would mean being bent over, and his stomach twisted completely separately from his hangover at that thought. He'd never had a problem with the position before, but now it was too painful of a reminder.

Gibbs saw a shadow pass over Tim's expression and misinterpreted it. He reached over and stroked Tim's pale cheek. Gibbs couldn't let him believe that he thought there was anything about Tim that was unwanted.

"I want you, sweetheart. But I want to make love to you with you feeling better." Maybe worshipping him sexually would be another weight on the scales.

The sweetness of Gibbs' sentiment washed away Tim's negative association and he smiled and blushed. "I love you, Gibbs," he replied softly.

Gibbs smiled and leaned in to kiss him gently. "I love you, too."

In the shower, Gibbs quickly washed his hair and soaped and rinsed his body. He moved Tim into position under the spray and turned the temperature up a bit until Tim groaned. He intended to get out then, but Tim's fingers loosely tangled with his and he paused to watch how the hot water was turning Tim's skin bright pink. The younger man sagged under the onslaught of the water, his eyes closed, sighing, and he was beautiful perfection. Gibbs couldn't resist. He pressed himself against Tim's lean body and kissed him.

Tim startled, but immediately returned the kiss, needing to feel Gibbs, to know on a visceral level that he was wanted and loved. The slow slide of their tongues together felt wonderful and Tim wrapped his arms around Gibbs and slid his hands up and down his back, enjoying the feel of his muscles.

Gibbs wanted to take it further. He loved shower sex, pinning Tim against the wall and moving under the water together... But taking Tim from behind brought the other night into stark focus, and he sighed. Maybe he should try to get Tim to fuck him; a hard, punishing fuck. It might ease his conscience somehow. Impulsively, he spun and shoved his ass out toward Tim.

"Wha-Gibbs, I..." Tim was stunned by the quick shift. His mind was still a little fuzzy, though, and the way Gibbs was rubbing himself into Tim's erection had him moaning in seconds. He slapped his hand blindly onto the shelves in the corner that held soap, shampoo, his body wash, and - _there_!- lube. He slicked his fingers and slid them into Gibbs, scissoring and pressing forward so Gibbs threw his head back at the stimulation.

" _Now_ , Tim. Need you in me..." Gibbs gasped. Tim added some lube to his cock and lined up, pushing in slowly. But Gibbs shoved back hard and his balls slapped wetly.

"Oh god! _Gibbs_!" The sensations were incredible. Gibbs' body was quivering and so tight Tim struggled to withdraw before sliding back in.

Fuck! It hurt! Gibbs grit his teeth and bore it, and it really wasn't long before the ache became something very different. But he didn't _want_ it to feel good. He wanted it to hurt, he needed to suffer.

"Harder!" He growled. Tim obeyed and Gibbs groaned. Even that felt so damned good. Gibbs finally gave up and let the careful, short strokes Tim was aiming right at his prostate overwhelm him.

"Oh-oh! Yes! Gibbs!" Tim put his hands up on the wall on top of Gibbs' and humped hard and fast. "Ahh!" He hunched close as he came and Gibbs groaned. Tim dropped his hand and tried to take ahold of what had to be his painfully engorged erection, but Gibbs pushed his hand away.

He had been maybe three strokes from coming. His body shook with the need to climax, and he clenched his jaw on his curses as Tim pulled out and sagged against the back wall. _This_ was suffering. He'd take it. He knew he deserved worse.

Kissing Tim softly, he propped him back up under the water and then stepped out to dry off. He needed coffee. Now.

Tim let his post-orgasmic stupor lull him. It was several minutes before he actually realized that he'd rather callously used Gibbs, and that Gibbs had not only let him, but actually encouraged it. He felt his stomach drop when the thought occurred that Gibbs had used Tim to punish himself.

Fighting down nausea, Tim turned off the water and dried off as he contemplated what to do. Gibbs had denied himself completion, so that was the least Tim could give him. Of course, if he let on that he knew that Gibbs was deliberately hurting himself, the older man would probably vanish into the basement for the rest of the day. He'd have to be sneaky. He prepped himself with lube so there wouldn't be any excuse for Gibbs not to slide into him and make love like he'd said he wanted to before they fell asleep the night before.

Wrapping the towel around his waist he decided that that was a good start. He went down the stairs stealthily and checked that the blinds were still drawn, then turned dance music from his phone on and started moving to it. He turned the volume up and just let himself go, moving through the living room so he was visible from the kitchen where he figured Gibbs was. By the third song, he started throwing in his exotic dance moves with their overt sexuality, and he backed toward the kitchen.

Looking over his shoulder, Tim swayed and gave Gibbs his best bedroom eyes. The other man stood frozen, his coffee cup halfway to his lips. He wore a ratty t-shirt and his oldest, baggiest jeans, which indicated to Tim that he'd intended to work in the basement. But the front of the faded denim was tented and Gibbs' eyes held a torn expression. Desire for Tim warred with his self-flagellation, and Tim let the towel slip from his hips to the floor as he moved quickly to Gibbs, kissing him passionately, cupping his face, unwilling to let the pain in his lover's eyes linger. He took the coffee cup from Gibbs' motionless fingers and blindly set it on the counter.

Gibbs remained still in unresponsive shock for a long moment, then his eyes closed and he wrapped his arms around Tim and crushed him against his chest. Tim melted at the strength of the embrace and let himself drop back and down to the floor, pulling Gibbs on top of him. He deftly unfastened the fly of Gibbs' jeans with one hand, keeping their kiss deep, and he pushed his underwear down and caressed the throbbing flesh he freed. He finally broke their kiss as he hiked his legs up and rolled his hips and guided Gibbs hard-on to his entrance.

Moaning at the hot, slick welcome, Gibbs drove his hips forward into Tim, helpless to deny his need any longer. Tim cried out and met the thrust, clinging to Gibbs' body and tightening on him, wringing a broken sound from the older man.

"Yes, oh, yes, Jethro. Make love to me. I missed you so much. Love me, sweetheart, love me..." Tim murmured, gasping at the response from Gibbs as he humped slow and hard.

Burying his face in Tim's neck, Gibbs surrendered to the beauty of Tim's offering. He didn't deserve it. He knew it in the core of his being, but he refused to think about that as the warmth of his lover's body clenched him and massaged him to higher and higher levels of pleasure.

"Love you, Tim. Love you more than I've ever loved anyone. God! Baby... Oh! Love you... Love you..." Gibbs whispered, the words thrilled Tim and he redoubled his efforts, tightening and relaxing his muscles on the shaft inside him until Gibbs lost his voice and just panted harshly in Tim's ear as he neared his climax.

"Yes! Gibbs, love, yes! Oh! Yes! Love, yes," Tim gasped, feeling his balls tighten up as another orgasm rose.

"Aaahh! Tim! Tim...Tim...Tim..." Gibbs grunted his name with each pulse as he came, flooding inside his lover. The sound and feel of Gibbs' completion sent Tim flying, too, and he sobbed as he spurted his own wetness between them.

They lay bonelessly on the kitchen floor until they both discovered their discomfort; Tim with his back aching from the hard surface, and Gibbs' knees protesting. Tim grabbed his dropped towel and they helped each other to their feet and stumbled to the sink. Cleaning up with the edge of the bathroom towel, Tim tossed the soiled fabric straight into the washer then topped Gibbs's coffee off and poured himself a cup. He stayed unabashedly naked while they silently drank their strong brew, keeping watch on Gibbs from the corner of his eye. The older man was raking his gaze over Tim's bare skin, and Tim flushed in pleasure.

The temperature in the house wasn't warm enough for Tim to go unclothed, Gibbs determined. He refilled their cups yet again, finishing the pot, and took Tim's hand and led him to the sofa. He gently pushed him down and covered him with the blanket that always draped over the back, then turned and got a fire going in the fireplace. When he turned back to Tim with the blaze crackling satisfactorily, he swallowed hard at the soft smile he received. Tim opened his arms, holding the blanket up so Gibbs could settle beside him and be enveloped by both. He sank into the perfection of the warm embrace and they settled in, watching the fire, not speaking but merely enjoying each other's closeness. They spent a quiet day together, and Tim felt reassured that everything was getting back to normal.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs was careful the next morning, making sure to be as attentive as possible to Tim before they left for work. Once there, he tried a new tactic with him, doing his best to be neutral to McGee but finding his only avenue for that was to be nearly mute.

Gibbs' cold silent act was almost worse than the criticisms, and Tim was on edge. He was on high alert every moment, trying to think like Gibbs and anticipate every possible need. It was exhausting and he was jumpy enough to become skittish, which he despaired to see was annoying Gibbs further.

They were called out to a crime scene in Norfolk and arrived to find Agent Abigail Borin and her team already on site. Working with the Coast Guard was always a good or a bad thing, there never seemed to be a middle ground. The tipping detail was Borin. Along with her team, she was the best fit for a case that involved both investigative services.

There were two bodies, one Coast Guard and one Marine Corps, both male. From the state of the house they were in as well as the bruises and scraped knuckles, they appeared to have had a huge brawl before a gun had ended it.

Gibbs greeted Borin and they shared their normal terse banter before Gibbs asked about what her team had found.

"Looks like these two boys had quite the knock-down drag-out. This is Fireman Reynolds' home. There's no sign of forced entry and Amagi found two sets of men's toiletries in the bathroom, one a shaving kit belonging to Marine Corpman Baldwin. There's only one bed and no indications of an alternate sleeping arrangement for one or the other. Used condoms suggest this may be a lover's spat gone wrong."

Gibbs grunted. He glared at Tony until his SFA frowned, then realized that Gibbs was telling him to take over. He turned and got Tim and Ziva started on their crime scene tasks. As Gibbs would want, they would duplicate the work already done by the CGIS.

Gibbs walked the crime scene with Borin, eyeing the personal touches the apartment held, paying attention to the broken furniture and blood splatter, rebuilding the situation in his mind. He concluded that Borin was probably right, and the Corpman had shot the Coast Guard Fireman, then killed himself. He'd wait on the forensics, but the scenario was likely. He went out in front of the house, and stood drinking his coffee.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out for you with McGee. He staying on your team?" Borin said quietly. She'd astutely deduced their relationship months before on a joint op, but this time her wires were crossed. Why did she think they'd broken up? Gibbs looked at her sideways. "You know every Federal Agency out there would poach him or anyone on your team if you give them a chance, so you better keep him happy with the job at least."

"We're fine."

Borin frowned. "What, like: _fine_? You're still together? Jesus, Gibbs, you're barely looking at him, he's got the puppy dog eyes going; you two have a fight or something?"

He just stared at her. She studied his eyes. "Don't keep a fight hanging between you. In this line of work, you know you've gotta keep the air clear, keep your mind on the job, not worry about what you said or didn't say last night or last week. Never know when it's your last chance." She pursed her lips and paused thoughtfully. "Don't screw this up. You know better."

Gibbs hated her for a moment. She was right, damnit. He forced his lips into a smirk. "We're fine," he repeated.

Borin shook her head and sighed. She went to direct her Medical Examiner, muttering about stubborn old goats as she went past Gibbs. He took a drink of coffee and shook his head. She was right.

They worked the case, and Tim quickly found evidence on their electronic devices that gave Baldwin motive. Reynolds had apparently been cheating on him while he was at sea, and their confrontation when he returned home had turned deadly. It was a depressingly mundane murder/suicide, and the team was glad to return to Washington.

~~~NCIS~~~

On Friday morning before they left the house, Gibbs pulled Tim into a tight embrace.

"I invited my dad to come visit. Think we can get that paper up in the guest room as soon as your apartment's done?"

Tim smiled shyly. "Yeah, I think so. Was he... Are we..."

Gibbs kissed him deeply. "I love you, Tim. Remember that."

Tim's smile grew more confident. "I love you, too."

It was a new habit Gibbs resolved to make. A hard hug, deep kiss, and a heartfelt 'I love you' each morning before work. Tim found he adored the change and it usually kept him buoyed until lunch at least. By afternoon, the cold silence from Gibbs seemed to wear on him, but each evening they worked on his apartment, then the guest room and made love or at least kissed goodnight and fell asleep together. It wasn't perfect, but Tim clung to the bright moments and ignored the heavy disapproval that filled so much of what Gibbs didn't say to him at the office as much as he could.

But the stress wore, and he worked out harder at the gym and had less appetite when the team ate together.

The day of the final walk through for Tim's apartment came, though it was bittersweet. He got his entire deposit back, but had to delay the fun of his bet with Gibbs when his partner was called out to sea to do an interrogation on an aircraft carrier.

Gibbs was brooding and snappish when he returned, and even at home he refused to tell Tim why. Even their morning hug, kiss, and I love you had an undercurrent of upset, and Tim went to work moping and depressed. Tony dragged him out to lunch, and forced him to talk about what was bothering him.

"Tony, why am I not enough for him?" Tim finally asked when they'd danced around the discussion for half the meal.

"What makes you think you aren't?"

"He's just not talking to me, he's all tense... Usually, at home everything is fine, but he came back from the carrier all pissed off and he won't tell me what it's about!"

"It's probably him holding onto something from the case he helped with. Have you asked him about it?"

"We..." Tim sighed. "We don't talk about work. Keeping things separate is hard, so..."

"But he's gotta blow off some steam, man! He can't just hold it all in. If not with you, then..."

"Why haven't you been to the house since I moved in?" Tim suddenly realized it was true.

"I didn't-I don't want to intrude. You guys...you've got each other now, so I, well, I don't want to be like Joe Pesci in Lethal Weapon 2 or Donkey in Shrek, y'know?"

"But Gibbs needs you. And you need him. Maybe he'll talk to you about whatever has him so tense. Look, I've been meaning to get together with Abby, so let's set up a night when I'll go out with her and you can come by with beer and pizza. What do you think?"

Tony nodded, helpless in the face of Tim's pleading eyes.

"Okay okay. But I'm not a spy for you. I'm not reporting back on what he tells me or anything."

"I would never ask you to do that."

"Alright, then. Friday night. We're not on call, so we can drink however much we want. Taxis all around!"

After lunch, Gibbs was up in MTAC so Tim took a minute away from cold case reviews to run down and see if Abby was free Friday night. Her enthusiastic response was heartening, until she started talking about exfoliating and moisturizing, paraffin bathing his hands and feet, and other treatments he had never heard of.

"I don't know, Abby... Facials? Manicures? We could just pop popcorn and watch movies or something. Ring and Ringu? Compare them? Just don't tell Tony I suggested that," Tim was scrambling to try to talk Abby out of making their get together into a 'classic girl's night' at her apartment. He enjoyed his girl time with Ziva; shopping and decorating were plenty feminine for him.

"No, McGee. You're being brought into the fold. You'll understand afterwards why spas are so important to a woman. But I'm being gentle and we're starting at the teenager level and doing it at home," she explained. Tim sighed inwardly. He'd been missing spending time with Abby; since he moved in with Gibbs and everyone learned of their relationship, they hadn't gone clubbing, and she'd even eased off on asking weird favors. It would be nice to spend an evening with her, he just wasn't sure she wouldn't end up pushing him further than he wanted to go in the feminine direction.

"Okay. I'll be there at eight," he conceded.

Abby clapped her hands and studied him. "Oh, you're going to love this! _And_ I have a bottle of that Keller '09 Chardonnay," she said, and he knew it was her throwing him a carrot after she'd beaten him with the guilt stick to make him agree. But he did _love_ that vintage...

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be there," he repeated, kissing her cheek before he went back up to the squad room.

That night he broached the topic of Friday night plans, saying how much he missed Abby, and mentioning that Tony might drop by.

A strange smile curled Gibbs' lips when Tim told him what Abby wanted to do. "Girls night, huh? I like the sound of that." Tim blushed at the look Gibbs was giving him, and they soon made their way upstairs.

Gibbs intently skimmed his hands over Tim, enjoying how smooth and soft his skin was when they got undressed, and kissed him possessively. He murmured "My girl," and nipped at Tim's neck. "You're my girl, Tim." He didn't see the vague frown that passed across Tim's face.

As Gibbs made love to him, he kept repeating it, and by the time they both finished and lay entwined, panting, Tim was miserably unable to keep from saying something about it.

"Gibbs... Sweetheart... You know I love that you're okay with my gender, but... Um, this really felt more like, uh, like... Well, I couldn't really stop thinking about it being more like objectification and , um, possessiveness. I'm sorry," he said. He couldn't bring himself to say it had reminded him of being tied up and fucked like some piece of meat in the basement with Gibbs grunting 'mine' over and over again, but he had to say _something_.

Gibbs felt like he'd been sucker punched. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Gibbs was mad. Tim cringed. "I... I just... I was enjoying what we were doing and I didn't want to ruin the mood and-"

"Fuck, Tim! You were feeling crappy about what I was saying and you let me keep saying it?!" Gibbs sat up and threw the blankets back.

"Gibbs, please! I didn't want to make you stop-"

Gibbs made a scoffing sound, then snatched up jeans and a sweatshirt and vanished out the door. Tim was certain he'd be down in the basement for hours, and he wanted to go and beg him to come back to bed, but he found he couldn't imagine confronting his lover in the space where they'd had such an awful experience together. Thinking about it, he was shocked to realize that he hadn't been back down there since he'd gotten drunk while Gibbs was in California.

Laying in bed worrying, Tim barely slept. Gibbs worked on the bookcase to match Tim's desk for the rest of the night, losing himself in sanding and sawing and joining the wood. When he finally came upstairs at 0530, Tim had already left for work. Gibbs found he greatly missed the hug, kiss, and 'I love you' they usually shared at the start of each day.

At the gym that morning, Tim cajoled and wheedled and finally got three of the people there to take him on at once. He'd gotten pretty good at fending off two attackers, but he was determined to continue improving himself and also felt the need to take some punishment after how bad he'd made Gibbs feel the night before.

Unfortunately, with how tired and worn out he felt, it wasn't the best day for him to increase the difficulty of his workout. Ziva came in to use one of the machines at 0600, and could only stand watching Tim getting his ass handed to him for a minute or two before she stepped in.

"Gibbs doesn't want me practicing with you, Ziva," Tim protested.

"You will not be. I will be coaching you on your technique for fighting multiple assailants."

Tim had to admit, she was an excellent teacher in hand to hand combat, and for the half an hour they worked, he learned several moves and techniques that he was certain would come in handy the next time he worked out.

He didn't expect her to be waiting for him outside the men's locker room when he emerged with the intention of getting coffee for the team before the official start of their work day at 0700. She offered to come with him, and he agreed.

"You have lost weight, my friend. You are getting too thin again. What is happening?"

"I'm fine. I just didn't get much sleep last night."

"You had a fight with Gibbs."

"What? Um, what makes you say that?"

She gave him a look worthy of Gibbs himself and Tim rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we did. But we'll get through it. I know we will."

"Please know that you can talk with me. Whenever you need me, sheli."

"Thank you, Zee. I'm okay, though. I promise."

She merely nodded as they returned to the office and their work day officially began.

Gibbs spent hours in MTAC, but was even more quiet than normal when he was in the squad room. Their day ended without a callout, and they all went their separate ways knowing their plans for recombining later that night.

Tim had hoped to have a chance to clear the air with Gibbs before he left, but they only had time for a very guy style conversation about it.

"Hon, are we good?" Tim asked. He saw Tony pull up outside and knew he only had time for shorthand.

Gibbs stood from his spot on the couch and hugged him. A gentle kiss, along with a stroke of Tim's cheek as the doorbell rang was the only answer he received, but it was enough.

Tim greeted Tony as he let him in, the SFA carrying a pizza box and beer, as promised.

"Have fun, guys!" Tim called.

"You, too!" Tony answered, and Tim was out the door. He turned to Gibbs and stopped to watch the way his boss stared after McGee with some kind of sadness or hurt in his expression. "Boss, you okay?"

Gibbs wrenched himself out of the aching hollowness he felt as Tim left and focused on Tony. His mask slid into place. "Fine. You didn't bring any fruity microbrews, right?"

"Nah. I know you too well to do that," Tony replied and set the pizza box on the coffee table. He put the beer in the fridge, grabbing two and handing one to Gibbs as he flopped on the couch and opened his own.

Only a few bites in, Tony was shocked when Gibbs spoke.

"Been a while."

"Yeah, I...didn't want to intrude."

"You need something, you come to me."

Tony nodded. "You've been living up to your second B since you got back from that carrier. What happened?"

"Just a case. Shitty, messy case."

"You wanna-"

"No."

Tony went back to stuffing his face. By the time the pizza had been demolished and each of them had had two beers, he couldn't stand the quiet.

"Y'know, Tim's my best friend."

"We're not talking about me and Tim."

"Why not?"

"I don't talk about my relationships with you. Never have; not gonna start."

"Then tell me about the shitty case on the carrier! You're being a bastard, and I wanna know why. If it's not personal, then tell me the professional part. That's something we _do_ talk about."

"Well it crosses over! It was a fucking hate crime against a gay sailor. A goddamn conspiracy of silence protecting the son of a bitch who did it, too. The world sucks for men who love other men. So I'm pissed off. So what? _That's_ nothing new."

Gibbs stalked to the kitchen and bypassed the beer, getting his bourbon out and pouring a double, shooting it, then pouring another.

"The world just plain sucks. It's not just gays. You know that. So you're worried about Tim. Why are you treating him like crap, then?" Tony stood where he could see Gibbs but didn't crowd him.

"You wanted to know about the case. I told ya. Now, you can stay and we can watch the game, or you can leave."

"I'll stay."

So when the taxi brought Tim home in all his alternative glory, he walked in on Tony and Gibbs still drinking but not talking anymore.

~~~NCIS~~~

Abby waited until they had eaten dinner and consumed an entire bottle of wine before she started the girl's night activities. When Tim whined after an hour of wraps and creams and plucking, she brought out a second bottle and he was much more patient as the alcohol mellowed him. After mani pedis, she washed up and brought out her makeup bag.

"Whatcha doin'?" Tim drawled.

"Oh, come on, Timmy. You wear eye makeup when you go clubbing."

Tim giggled at a memory. How much wine was left? "Yeah. Gibbs likes it. But..." He leaned closer to Abby. "He really likes lipgloss," he whispered conspiratorially. Abby's eyebrows rose.

"Flavored or not?" She asked. They had never talked about sex between Tim and Gibbs; honestly, it sort of grossed her out. Gibbs was more like her dad than her dad had been. But it was a very different aspect of her favorite man in the world to learn about, so as long as their discussion didn't get into actual sex, she found she wanted to know.

"Either. Doesn't matter. I have to reapply constantly because he kisses it off," he said.

"Aw, that's so sweet! See, you need to let me make you over. I bet he'll love it!"

Tim wasn't sure her logic was sound, but he couldn't think of a good reason to disagree, so he let her go to town on him. When she declared him done, he looked at the finished product and found it to be surprisingly subtle for Abby. She'd stayed with neutral eyeshadow and simple, blended brown eyeliner, but he'd never worn mascara before and decided he needed to add that to his clubbing makeup. His eyes looked wide and exotic. Whatever she'd done to his skin made any unevenness disappear, and gave him a faint glow. She stuck with the beloved lipgloss, this one with a faint pink tint.

"Wow."

"Timmy! Wow doesn't begin to cover it. You're... You're beautiful. Come on, seeing it in a hand held mirror isn't enough," she said, pulling him to his feet. He swayed slightly, but followed her into her bedroom to look at himself in the mirrored closet doors. He remembered those mirrors. That had been fun. He wondered if Gibbs might like to watch himself with Tim...

"Take your shirt off, Tim," Abby ordered. Tim frowned.

"No, Abs, I'm with Gibbs now and—"

"Not for sex, McGee! I want you to try this shirt on."

That made more sense to Tim's muddled mind. "Oh. Okay." He pulled his shirt over his head.

"You're really skinny, Timmy. Are you eating enough?"

"I eat when I'm hungry," he said defensively.

"Alright, alright. Hey, I bet you could wear my waist cincher. You wanna try it on? Or maybe a bustier?"

Tim grew a little confused. "I don't have boobs so why would I wear a bustier?"

"But you have a waist, right? So try this cincher. It laces up the back but it just has a zipper in front."

Since she was already putting the satin black waist cincher on him, he let her. It made him stand straighter, and when she gave him the shirt that had started this dress-up session, he obediently put it on.

"This has holes in it!" He complained.

"It's mesh. It's supposed to have holes."

"Oh. Okay."

"Now those jeans look awful, McGee. Take them off. Now."

Abby was pushy. Tim knew that she'd just give him a hard time until he complied, so he went ahead and did what she said.

"Oo. Nice bikini briefs, Timmy. You never wore anything like that for _me_ ," she commented.

"I didn't know I was gender fluid back then. These are more like panties, and sometimes I like that," he explained. Then his eyes widened. "Did I just say that out loud?"

Abby just laughed and handed him something black and stretchy. "Put these on."

He had to examine them closely before he could tell they were pants. They looked too small, but Abby had seen him and so if she wanted him to put them on, they'd probably fit.

They did, but she pointed out that everyone would see his 'panty line' if he didn't cover his ass with something else.

"But I have a great ass!"

"Yes you do, but unless you want to wear a thong, you need a little something."

"Eww. Butt floss. No thanks."

She shoved more clothes at him. "Here. These next."

So he shoved his legs in and pulled the garment to his waist.

"Wait. Is this a _skirt_?"

"It's more like a short kilt. You've seen guys in those Utilikilts, right? It's kinda like that. But shorter. And without pockets."

"But-"

"Just look at yourself, McGee!"

He turned to the mirror and stared. "I need... My boots," he muttered. He went and got the black ankle boots with the low heel and a little zipper on the outside that he'd worn over. He put them on and looked at himself again. The person in the mirror was alluring in a sexy but androgynous way. The cincher made his waist look higher, like a woman's, but his narrow hips were male. The flare of pleats a few inches below the fitted top of the skirt gave him the illusion of a curve there, too. Along with the makeup, the effect was stunning.

"I..." He realized he felt very exposed with just the mesh on his chest and arms, and he rubbed his hands on them like he was cold. Abby jumped up and brought back a long coat.

"Try this."

She helped him into it, and the drama it added was breathtaking. His eyes welled with tears.

"No! You cannot cry!" She snatched up a tissue and carefully dabbed his eyes. "You've got to go show Gibbs this."

His breath caught. Gibbs. Seeing him like this. _Oh_. Oh my. He nodded. He was in a daze as he went back out to the living room and picked up his purse.

"Thanks, Abby," he said quietly. She grinned.

"Go get 'em!"

Tim was excited when he came into the house. He didn't bother to take in the tenor of the room, he just enthusiastically walked in and spun for Gibbs, opening the coat and smiling.

"I have a new fashion for when we go to 'Verse next time!"

Gibbs rose from the couch and stared. Tony started laughing as if it was a joke, but cut off when Gibbs spoke, his voice venomous.

"There is no _fucking_ way I'm taking you out in _that_ ," he snapped and then shoved past Tim to go upstairs. Tim reeled, staggering a step from the push as well as being caught off balance by the cruel rejection.

"But... I..." Tim called after him.

"Tim, what the hell?" Tony asked. He'd thought it was a joke, then suddenly Gibbs was furious and he'd actually pushed Tim and Tim was seriously wearing women's clothes and none of this was funny or right or anything like it should have been. "You said you weren't cross-dressing. And you said Gibbs treats you right at home. Since when did you start lying to me?"

"Tony..." Tim was torn. He wanted to run after Gibbs, but Tony was looking at him with such utter betrayal he had to address him first. "Tony, I was with Abby. This," he gestured at his clothes, "is new and, at least _I_ thought, exciting. I look amazing. This is part of me I'm exploring, so just because I never intended to go this way doesn't mean I don't have the right to change my mind. There's no lie there. As for Gibbs... I don't know what to say, Tony. I need to go to him and see what's wrong."

Tony frowned. "I don't understand. I really don't. But the case on the carrier was a gay bashing, if that helps at all."

Tim's expression softened. Impulsively, he kissed Tony's cheek. "Thank you, my friend. Please lock up when you leave."

Tony was sure he heard the opening to The Twilight Zone as he grabbed his coat and headed out. He knew he had a bottle of Scotch at home that would have him sufficiently snockered within the hour. Maybe then he could make sense of the tilt-a-whirl his world had become.

Upstairs in their bedroom, Gibbs was pacing. Tim stepped just inside the door and then waited. He wasn't about to interrupt Gibbs while he was upset. The confrontation in the basement had taught him that lesson quite painfully.

Gibbs finally stopped and stared at Tim, who raised his chin to show he wasn't ashamed. Gibbs closed his eyes and dropped his head. He was.

"Tim... You're stunning. I love it," he said softly. Tim frowned in confusion.

When Gibbs looked up at the silence, he saw the hurt and uncertainty. He approached Tim and looked up into his eyes.

"I'm holding my breath, waiting for you to wake up and take some other beautiful young person up on an offer and..."

"I love _you_. _Only_ _you_. When we're out together, you're the only person I even _see_. Every thought I have in my life involves you... You're my whole world and I would be so lost without you..."

Gibbs kissed him, hard, plundering his mouth, and Tim shied away. The older man immediately backed off.

"Please, I feel kind of raw emotionally, would you be gentle?" Tim asked, and his eyes were even more mesmerizing with the extra accent and color around them.

The plea sliced Gibbs deep, and he could barely breathe. "I hurt you. I never want to hurt you. I just...when other people are around and they see you and want you... It makes me crazy."

"Only you," Tim repeated.

Gibbs kissed him. He moved against the lithe, beautiful body and ached at Tim's words. He wanted to believe him, but he knew, in his gut, that Tim deserved better. He deserved someone without ten tons of emotional baggage and nearly three decades more of weary living, without the bitter cynicism and creaky bones. He just hoped that when the time came that Tim realized it, he'd be man enough to let him go. Until then, he would do everything he could to please and satisfy the younger person.

Gibbs was pouring his whole heart into the kiss, Tim could tell, and he felt lightheaded at the intensity. God, he loved this man! He never wanted to let him go. The kiss went on and on.

Finally, Gibbs couldn't stand it any longer, and he pushed the long coat over Tim's shoulders, catching it and turning for an instant to drape it across his dresser. His breath caught again at what had only been partially revealed when Tim had flashed him downstairs. The long sleeved black mesh shirt Tim wore allowed Gibbs' eyes to see some kind of satin-covered thing underneath it that pulled Tim's waist in so it looked more like the curve of a feminine body. He shuddered and put his hands on the narrowest spot.

"God, Tim... You're so beautiful..." Gibbs whispered hoarsely. Tim shivered and thrilled at the reaction. He had never felt more sexy, more purely himself and attractive, than that moment. Gibbs wasn't seeing Tim as a man or a woman, he was just seeing _Tim_.

"Make love to me, Jethro," Tim whispered. Gibbs finally flashed the gorgeous smile Tim had been hoping for.

"Oh, I will. But not before I get my fill of seeing you like this, love."

Tim almost wept in response. This is what he wanted! He wanted to be seen and appreciated for who he was, truly. He blinked back the tears, though, not wanting to ruin his makeup.

Gibbs tore his eyes from the view of Tim's white skin through the black mesh and looked down. He recognized the black canvas pleated skirt from seeing Abby in it, but the way the fitted part hugged Tim's narrow hips before flaring out slightly giving him that more feminine shape while still looking just amazingly _Tim_ had his knees actually wobbling. He slid one hand down, dropping from Tim's waist, along the side seam, past the pleats, to then travel back up under it, feeling the silkiness of the leggings Tim wore and gripping his hip bone and firmly pulling him against himself before slipping back to cup the firm mound of Tim's ass.

Tim thought he might faint. The sensation of Gibbs reaching under his skirt was unbelievably sexy, and he gasped and trembled. His head fell back and Gibbs kissed down his neck and continued through the shirt to nibble across his collarbone.

"Jesus, Tim... You're just _perfect_ , baby. _God_ I love you so much."

The tears spilled over then, but with his face tipped toward the ceiling, they overflowed at the corners of his eyes back into his hair.

Gibbs dropped to his knees and unzipped Tim's ankle boots, removing one then the other before he ran his hands up the slim columns of Tim's legs, past the skirt to the waist of his leggings. He peeled the stretchy material off and then got to his feet. He kissed Tim again, and then maneuvered them to the bed with one hand on Tim's hip and the other flat against the small of his back. He turned them, then sat on the end of the bed himself and looked up at Tim.

"Gibbs?" Tim breathed, staring into the familiar blue eyes and only seeing the thinnest ring of color around the wide pupils. Part of him catalogued the sign of sexual arousal, but mostly he was lost in the worshipful way the man looked at him.

Gibbs put his fingers on the backs of Tim's thighs, under the skirt, and drew him forward. Tim knelt with one knee on either side of Gibbs' legs and shuddered as the older man's arms wrapped around his ass, the heavy fabric of the skirt flipping up as he ground their hips together.

"Oh!" Tim called. "Oh, yeah!" He let his body just rut against Gibbs, who was doing the same.

"Tim... Tim!" Gibbs moaned. "Want you, sweetheart, just like this."

The words eventually penetrated the fog in Tim's mind, and he nodded. Reluctantly, he stood, but only long enough to help Gibbs out of his clothes and push him back. Gibbs scooted up until he lay amongst the pillows, staring hungrily at Tim. Tim hesitated, standing at the foot of the bed.

"Keep the clothes on. Just take your underwear off," Gibbs instructed. He reached over to his nightstand without looking and grabbed the lube from the drawer. He slicked his cock and then beckoned in invitation to the amazing creature he was lucky enough to call his lover.

Tim found it strange but somehow natural to remove his underwear without having to take off pants or shorts first. Feeling the skirt on his bare ass was sexier than being naked, and he smiled as he crawled up the bed onto Gibbs. He held the fabric out of the way and let Gibbs guide himself to Tim's entrance, then Tim sank down onto him and froze in ecstasy.

Tim, in Abby's clothes, his face flushed, lips slack and head lolling with his eyes closed in pleasure, was the best image Gibbs had ever witnessed. The skirt was short, the pleats flared and the fabric bunched so he could see the head of Tim's cock peeking out and he gasped and felt his own twitch inside the heat of Tim's body at the sight. He loved the combination; the masculine erection with the feminine clothing... It was pushing all his buttons, reminding him vaguely of holding Shannon, clad in a flannel shirt, her jeans around her knees, bending her over, pushing into the warmth of her. But he looked up and it was Tim, with his beautiful painted face and dramatic eyes, his pouty lips and low moaning voice, that drew him back to the present.

" _Ohhh_ , Tim..."

Tim responded by raising up and settling back down, pausing, then doing it again. They both shook and cried out, and Tim began in earnest, riding the hard member lovingly. Gibbs ran his hands up Tim's thighs, reveling in the way the lean muscles played under his soft skin, moving under the skirt so he could grip Tim's hard-on.

"Gibbs!" Tim shouted, arching into the touch but never pausing in his relentless rising and falling, the wide cock inside him bringing him a different ecstasy from the fingers that started a slow counterpoint of stimulation. He felt wanton, helplessly writhing, desiring every sensation, his mind memorizing the feel of this first time wearing clothing that wasn't precisely for men while being made love to by the most masculine of men. "Gibbs! Oh! Gibbs! I'm gonna... Gonna..."

Gibbs bucked under him, his own orgasm imminent. He usually could last through Tim's first and bring him to a second, but this was just too ideal. He wanted them to fly over that precipice together, to come apart and always remember this incredible experience. Each time Tim came down, he thrust up into the tight heat, and swiped his thumb across the head of Tim's cock before stroking faster.

Tim was wailing wordlessly, speeding up, and their climaxes slammed into them at the same time, and Gibbs' shout was drowned out by Tim's voice as they exploded, the heavy pulses wracking each of them separately and together, the reactions of one body to the other somehow combining into more pleasure than just one and one.

As the tremors finally ebbed, Tim dropped onto Gibbs' chest, burying his nose in the crinkly chest hair and just breathing in the heat and sweat and smell that was so totally _Gibbs_.

Gibbs held him tenderly, amazed at how incredible the experience had been. Tim had been so insistent that he didn't want to cross dress, but this outfit was just a blend that seemed perfectly Tim. Any time Tim wanted to wear anything like this at home was just fine with him.

~~~NCIS~~~

_A/N My first foray into a character cross-dressing, but it just seemed right. I hope it's not too squick for anyone, and I'm sorry if I should have put a warning at the beginning of the chapter. I think chapter six is the one you've all been waiting for, so I'll see you next week._


	6. Lie Down in Darkness

Chapter Six: Lie Down in Darkness

Tim worried, because no matter how things were at home, work was still miserable. He began to wonder if Gibbs would ever settle down and treat the team equally again.

Working in the lab with Abby allowed Tim to relax marginally, and he spent time there more and more whenever a case could possibly justify it. But Tim was far from relaxed when Gibbs chose to demonstrate a particular take-down on him to Abby.

Tim was submerged in the computer code he was analyzing and didn't even hear what the discussion was that led up to it, he merely found himself pulled off his stool and ordered to come at Gibbs like an attacker. Narrowing his eyes, he did as instructed and almost instantly found himself face down on a cold metal table, bent at the waist with Gibbs holding his wrists at the small of his back and pressing hard against his ass as he stood behind him.

Tim lost it.

"No!" A scream tore involuntarily from his throat. The position was nearly identical to how it had been in the basement the night Gibbs had lost his temper and fucked him until he cried, and the instinct that welled up inside him was to protect himself from having it happen again. It didn't matter that they'd talked about it a little or that they'd made love in achingly sweet ways since; this was simply unacceptable to his instinctually driven subconscious. His left leg splayed out and hooked back, his heel connecting with the back of Gibbs' knee. As he felt the older man's joint start to collapse, he tensed his back and shoulders to try to keep from dislocating one or both arms and wrenched himself away from the horribly familiar position. He ended up several feet away in a defensive stance, ready to fight as if his life depended on it.

The passion and fervor with which Tim broke away had Gibbs flabbergasted. Then the reason for the response clicked into place in his mind and his face drained of both blood and expression. He turned on his heel and walked out.

As soon as he heard the stairwell door shut behind Gibbs, Tim burst into tears, hyperventilating. It took Abby several moments to recover from having witnessed such an intensely private and negative moment between the couple, but when she did, her care-taking instincts brought her to Tim's side. She ushered him back to her office and shut the door before she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him so hard that it curtailed the hyperventilating. He dropped his head onto her lab coat covered shoulder and continued to cry, however.

When his sobs died down, she got him to sit on her couch and thrust Bert into his arms. He sat still, shivering, and she put a blanket over his shoulders and snuggled close to his side.

"What's this about, Timmy?" She asked gently. He shook his head but she narrowed her eyes and gave him a hard stare.

"Fl-flashback, I guess," he admitted softly.

"Oh my god. To what?"

Tim closed his own eyes. He didn't want to tell her. He was afraid she'd take Gibbs' side. But he'd already said too much to avoid it, so he spoke in a whispered monotone and told her about the night they'd gone dancing how he'd ended up in the basement, fucked, spanked, and humiliatingly come upon. Abby sat silently adjusting to a new awareness of a side to Gibbs she had never known.

"Have you talked about it?" She finally asked. She decided she'd have to integrate the information about Gibbs later, but for now, she needed to respond to Tim without thinking about the person who had hurt him.

"Sort of. He went to LA, and he was so sweet when he came home... He said he loves me more than he loved Shannon! How could I be petty and hold it against him when he said that?" Tim's eyes flew open and he felt hot tears overflowing again. He swallowed a sob. Abby snuggled closer to his side and rested her head on his shoulder.

"That's...amazing, Tim. I'm so glad you have each other. You have to talk to him about this, though. He lost it, but you have to let him know he went too far. BDSM isn't rape—"

"I never said it was rape! Jesus... _No_. Just...no."

"That's what I'm saying! Have you ever set up a safe word or talked about limits?"

"No..."

"Did you say no or stop?"

"No, that's why it's not rape!"

"Right. Yes! But you need to have that talk. You're still traumatized because it was scary, and he's... Well, he's Gibbs! He's probably hating himself for it. Tell me you're going to talk to him, Timmy. You _have_ to."

"I'm just so scared. I can't lose him, Abby. He's my whole world now."

"You won't lose him. He's not built to give up."

Tim thought about what he knew of Gibbs' second divorce. Rebecca had cheated on him, and _that_ had been a deal breaker. Instituting safe words wasn't on that level, was it? Tim let more tears escape even as Abby hugged him.

~~~NCIS~~~

When he arrived home that night, Tim had already determined that he would write Gibbs a letter. That was the only way he figured he could get it right. He went upstairs and unlocked his typewriter, fed paper in, and began.

_My Love,_

_This is not how I imagined my first letter to you might be. As a writer, I planned to write the most romantic love letter imaginable at some point, a missive which would have all the impact of a Shakespearian sonnet, but instead, I have this for you, written with tears threatening to blur my vision. I'm so terribly afraid that you won't want me anymore. My hands are shaking and this is my third attempt._

_I'm ashamed of my reaction to what you were demonstrating in the lab. It was instinctive, which I hope in some way is a comfort to you since you want me to be more effective in close quarter fighting. I've been terrified to really talk openly with you about the night we went dancing, but I don't have much of a choice now. I have tried to let it go, but it's obviously still a problem for me. I just don't understand why you felt you had to punish me for someone else flirting with me. I am absolutely loyal to you, in every possible way. I've told you that, over and over again. I barely even saw the guy who talked to me that night. I was just waiting for you to get back with our drinks. I didn't flirt back. I had no interest whatsoever in him. I'm familiar with being punished for even small infractions, including showing displeasure or defiance in any way. That's what I grew up with. But even the Admiral never punished me without reason. If you can find a way to tell me what I did wrong, maybe I can understand, however, I need to insist that any future punishment you want to give me not involve sex. I can't seem to handle it. That's apparent since it's been weeks and I'm still this reactionary._

_In the interest of full disclosure, I have to inform you that I told Abby about that night. I was distraught and I couldn't help myself. I was terribly worried she'd take your side, but she was very neutral and insisted that I communicate with you and that we set up safe words. I know we didn't need them when we were on vacation, but just the reassurance that I have control of some part of this will help me, I think. I've considered and I want my yellow safe word to be 'precious', and my red to be 'Admiral'. I think precious will remind you what you said to me, when you first really explained to me how you feel about me, and Admiral should pretty much kill any mood._

_I want to talk about this with you more in depth, but only when you're ready._

_I love you more than anything in this world, Jethro. Please tell me I haven't ruined everything I hold most dear._

_Yours Always,_

_Tim_

Gibbs dropped the letter and his glasses onto the kitchen table and rubbed his eyes with one hand. He'd come home after staying late at the office and found the sheet of paper by the coffee pot, which had been set up and was ready to brew. Tim was still taking care of him, even feeling scared and miserable. Gibbs' chest ached.

_Punishment... Fuck_. That's what Tim thought? He hadn't said anything like that when they'd talked about it. But they'd really only addressed that night peripherally. He'd lost control and staked his claim like a goddamn caveman and Tim thought he had calculated that Tim had done wrong and needed to be punished. God. What the hell was wrong with him?! He had the best person he knew loving him despite all his glaring flaws, and he was doing his level best to fuck it up. He glanced at the stairs then over at the couch. If he stayed down here, Tim would take it as more punishment. He had to do something about this _tonight_.

Gibbs straightened his shoulders and headed up to try his best to make it up to Tim.

A cool movement of air on his bare skin as Gibbs withdrew the sheet roused Tim from a deeper sleep but not to full consciousness. The warm, wet mouth on his soft cock did that even as blood transferred down to make him erect. Gasping awake, Tim looked down to see Gibbs lovingly working him to painful hardness. Once there, Gibbs moved up and lay down on top of Tim, his own arousal in evidence as he settled. But the man didn't take it further. He stroked Tim's face and ran his fingers through his hair while looking into his sleepy eyes.

"I screwed up. It's all on me. You _are_ precious, and Admiral will certainly kill a mood, but I don't intend you to _ever_ need to use that. I love you, Tim. And I'm gonna show you just how much," Gibbs said quietly. Tim's breath hitched and tears slid back into his hair from the corners of his eyes. Gibbs kissed each temple, then softly kissed Tim's lips before he moved back down and returned to licking, sucking, and in all ways worshipping Tim's body.

Blinking, Tim wondered if this was a dream. If it was, he expected that it would likely be his first wet one since puberty, but although it was surreal to be woken this way, everything felt exquisitely solid. As Gibbs mouth enveloped his cock again, Tim cried out and let go of all his pondering, completely enraptured by the amazing oral sex Gibbs was visiting upon him.

Working Tim into a writhing, inarticulate state, Gibbs eagerly swallowed down every drop of come he produced. Tim sobbed his release and then tugged on Gibbs, needing to hold him and to be held. They wrapped their arms around each other and held tight as they both sank into sleep.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs tried to start talking to Tim at work the next day, but the fear of losing their team had him continuously on edge still. Tony seemed wary and resentful, sensing something new and bad had occurred but not knowing what it was, and he watched Gibbs like he was investigating him, which further set Gibbs off balance. So, instead of everything returning to normal, Gibbs just growled and snapped at everyone.

Ziva cornered him in the men's room and berated him, to which his response was stoic silence with his lip curled. She finally threw her hands up and went back to her desk.

Abby's lab was locked, a rare occasion. She wouldn't even let Tim in. Tony received a phone call in the afternoon, and went to see her before he left for the day. After she confessed what she had witnessed and what Tim had told her had happened between the couple, Tony had promised to address it, and Abby tried to relax, knowing the problem was in good hands.

Tony fumed as he drove straight to the men's home and pounded on the door. How could Gibbs - _Gibbs_!- do this?! And how in the hell could his Probie let him? Hadn't he learned anything from Tony?

Tim answered the heavy knocking with a perplexed look.

"Tony, where's the fire, man?"

Tony insisted on coming inside. Tim shrugged. He was cleaning the kitchen and led his friend there so he could continue.

"Where's Gibbs? I want to talk to both of you," Tony insisted.

The SFA's voice was tight and clipped. Tim frowned. He was actually being the rarely-seen _serious_ Tony.

"Hardware store."

"Okay, we'll do this separately, then," he said, taking a deep breath. "I'm worried about you, Tim."

"Tony, it's all going to be okay. We're fine at home, and he's still just trying to figure out how things need to be at work," Tim said. He knew he sounded like a broken record or a person with an excuse that was wearing thin, but it was all he had to justify the situation to himself or anyone else. "We had a fight, so he was extra bastard-y, but he did talk to me today, did you see that? He hasn't spoken to me in the squad room since he went to LA, so that's progress, I think."

"He criticized you for pausing to drink a cup of coffee, Tim. During cold case reviews! That's taking controlling bastard to a whole new level."

Tim shrugged. "It's still better than the silence. To be honest, I'm not sure how much more of that I could take."

"So you _do_ have limits. That's something, anyway." Tony rubbed his hand over his face. "Look, Tim, Abby told me."

Tim stood abruptly. "Damnit! That wasn't for public knowledge!"

"Public knowledge? Since when am _I_ the public?"

"Tony, I'm just saying that I pissed Gibbs off and he snapped and it's not going to happen again."

"Tim... Do you hear yourself? You just took the blame for it!"

"No I didn't."

"You just said you pissed him off! That's not on you, Tim! He crossed a line, and it's not your fault!"

Tim shook his head. "You don't understand. He's trying to keep the team together!"

"You're damn right I don't understand! Will you listen to yourself, Tim? You sound like every abused spouse we've ever dealt with. You're standing here telling me it's okay that the person who loves you is treating you like crap because he has a good reason? That's bullshit and you know it! You don't deserve to be treated like this. _No_ _one_ deserves to be treated like this. He attacked you in your own home!"

Tim shook his head. How could Tony think Gibbs was abusive?

"Tim, seriously, I know this isn't the first time. The other was drug induced, but... Has he ever threatened you with a weapon?"

"No!"

"We know he's violently jealous. Has he ever followed you? Ever choked you?"

Tim recoiled. He could feel Gibbs' hand on his throat and see the blazing fury in his eyes when he'd ordered him not to talk. Tony saw the reaction and his face reddened, sparks practically flying from his eyes. He was suddenly very glad his boss wasn't there because he didn't think he could have controlled himself if he had been. Gibbs had choked Tim?! This was so far _beyond_ acceptable.

"Come on, Tony, Lethality Screen questions? This is _Gibbs_. Do you really believe my life is in danger? It would _kill_ him to lose another love. He's not that self-destructive."

"I didn't think so, but he's hurt you, Tim! This man I thought I knew, the person I trust and respect most in the world is acting like I never thought I'd see him act. It makes everything in my life turn on its head!" Tony sounded desperate. Tim understood that NCIS was the only family Tony truly believed in, and he could see how this was cutting him deep. "I don't want the team to split up, but I can't stand seeing this!"

Tim grabbed the other man and hugged him. Tony tensed, but went ahead and let himself be comforted. Tim murmured to him, reassuring, trying to make everything better again.

Neither saw Gibbs silently witnessing the conversation from the shadows. He opened the front door and slipped out. When he returned hours later, Tony was gone. He didn't say anything to Tim about what he'd seen and heard, he just came in and kissed him, then went downstairs with his bag of supplies.

Tim was still nervous enough about the basement not to go down and ask Gibbs to come to bed when he was too tired to wait up anymore, but he didn't want to go to bed alone, either, so he curled up on the couch and went to sleep.

It was nearly 0200 when Gibbs came back up, and he gently woke Tim with fingers through his hair and they went up to bed.

In the morning when Gibbs hugged and kissed Tim and told him he loved him, Tim smiled sadly.

"I think we're gonna have to work on that," he said, and went out the door before Gibbs had a chance to respond.

They got a lead on a cold case that morning that sent Tim and Tony out together. The SFA had been cold and glaring at Gibbs since the moment he arrived, but, as always, the work came first. Investigating a residence, DiNozzo and Tim found a door with a broken lock and split up to cover exits. They cleared the house room by room, but when Tim sensed someone behind him, he acted on instinct and whirled to strike out, pulling his throat punch when he saw who it was, but not enough to keep from bruising Tony's larynx. It was enough to break Gibbs' silence once they returned to the office late that evening with DiNozzo unable to speak in more than a garbled croak.

"Go home, DiNozzo. You call me if you need to go to the doctor," Gibbs growled.

Tony shook his head.

"Mm ff..." He tried to speak.

"I can't understand you. _Go hom_ e."

The SFA went to his desk and scribbled a note: _My fault!_

Gibbs glared and pointed at the elevator. Tony stared hard, but he could see that Gibbs was intractable. He reluctantly gathered his things, but turned back to gesture at Tim once he was out of Gibbs' line of sight. He tried to convey that Tim should call him if he needed him. Tim gave a small nod, and Tony let his feet drag as he entered the elevator and kept eye contact with Tim as the doors closed.

Ziva had left an hour before, and Gibbs moved to stand toe to toe with McGee and railed in his face.

"I can't believe you'd make a mistake like that! Isn't awareness of your surroundings taught at FLETC? Panicking, attacking your _partner_ , it makes me wonder if you should be in the field at all!"

Tim's chin rose. "I didn't _panic_ —"

"You're off field duty! I'm gonna have to decide if you should get a suspension!"

"What?! That's not fa—"

"Enough! Go home, McGee."

Tim's face was by turns red and white, and he stood there huffing at Gibbs for a long moment before snatching up his coat, badge, and gun and stalking to the elevator. He was completely shocked when Gibbs got in with him, punching the button for Autopsy after Tim hit the one for the garage. Fear and anger and humiliation burst in McGee, overflowing and washing out his mind of everything else. He hit the emergency stop.

"I thought, somehow, that when we got together that everything would just... Fall into place. When I moved in, I had some stupid vision that we were walking off into the sunset, hand in hand and there wouldn't be any doubt or struggle... But things are just incrementally sliding sideways, and it's like... Every millimeter we slip that I notice; well, one millimeter isn't so bad, and I convince myself that it's all about compromise and if I give in on this or ignore that, we'll stabilize. But we're not stabilizing! We... How did we get to this? I love you, Gibbs, I really do. So much... But _you_ taught me to stand up for myself; that I deserve to be treated better than a doormat. But you're walking all over me here at work. The sarcasm, the anger, then the silence, now blaming me, basically telling me I'm not good enough; no more."

Gibbs' face had turned to stone, and in the dim, blue light, his eyes glittered. Tim felt tears welling up in helpless frustration. Watching Gibbs shut down, he suddenly felt understanding and compassion for the three ex-wives. He waited, but the older man remained silent.

"You have said you always try to give me what I need. Well I _need_ _you_ to ease up. We were fine working together for all those months before everyone knew about us; why is it so totally different now? We used to be _friends_ at work. We used to enjoy the time we spent together. Now, I'm your goddamn whipping boy! It's not fair. You have to know that! You-you... You just... Please, I need..." His voice rose and rose, and he saw a dark flush creep up Gibbs neck and face, then his words failed as he saw the mask his lover wore crack and a white-hot fury shone through. He realized that he _really_ did not want to be trapped in a tiny metal box with an enraged Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He stood still and watched, but the mask repaired itself and Gibbs might have been a wax statue of himself with how motionless he was. Tim felt a tear escape his overfull eyes, then another, and they were joined by more that trickled down his cheeks and dripped off his chin.

"My father is an impressive man," Tim said, his voice quavering. "He's powerful and commanding, and he refuses to take shit from anyone for any reason," he continued. "You've always reminded me of him, a little, but I _never_ expected to have you make me feel as _worthless_ as he does."

Tim wrapped his arms around his coat, holding it against his stomach, slumping back against the wall and closing his eyes. He felt an aching emptiness in his gut and he barely noticed when the elevator moved again and the doors opened. When he finally looked up, he was alone, and he sank down to his knees and began to sob.

Gibbs moved out of the elevator into the parking garage and then out to the open air. He walked around the building into the light snowfall and crossed the road in a daze, ending up overlooking the river. It was cold, and he didn't have his coat, but the chill within him went far deeper.

This time together with Tim had already outlasted two of his marriages. It was nearly a year and a half now that they'd been lovers, but only in the last couple of months had they been out at work, and Tim was right: he had been horrible to him since then. What must it have been like for Tim to have his loving attention at home and... _this_...at work? Some part of Gibbs had been watching, appalled, as the cruel words and actions toward Tim continued. He'd tried to avoid thinking about why he was being such a vicious bastard, but he'd opened the pandora's box months ago when he had decided to take his cues from Tim and understand himself better. So parts of him argued constantly in his mind as he snapped at Tim and goaded him, which only made him more angry.

And Tim had reached his break point. Realizing that Gibbs was as bad to him as his father had to be a terrible blow to Tim. And _that_ knowledge was like a series of mirrors reflecting sunlight angling down into the darkest part of his own soul, showing him in stark white light how blackened and shriveled it was. He couldn't deny it any longer: he didn't deserve Tim. This beautiful, self-aware, brilliant, kind person shouldn't love him. He was too damaged, too far gone. The years working to bring justice to criminals, his desperate drive to help others; it was a futile attempt to make up for what an awful person he was in his personal life. His job was the only thing that gave meaning to his existence, until Tim let him in. When Tim had looked at him with astonishment that Gibbs could want him, the ruse had begun. He'd tried to fool Tim, and more importantly, fool himself, into believing that he could be worthy of a second chance at happiness. But when it came down to it, the truth was uncompromising and razor-sharp and it flayed him to raw nerves: he would never be able to do enough good to earn the right to have Tim's love. So that dark part of himself had taken the opportunity to push Tim away, and push _hard_. He sank down onto the retaining wall over the rushing, frigid, dark water of the Anacostia and tried to go numb. Over and over, his mind ran through all the times he'd been cruel to Tim in these last few months. And again and again, he reiterated his certainty to himself that Tim would be better off without him. His body shivered in the chill, the damp air and snow saturating his clothes until he began to physically go numb, until his shivers finally ceased.

Gibbs had become like a statue, poised on the brink of a choice, when his coat dropped over his shoulders and strong arms wrapped around him from behind.

"You're freezing, Gibbs! C'mon, let's go home," Tim's beloved voice echoed hollowly in the fog of Gibbs' self-loathing, but he was powerless against Tim's insistence that they move, so he shifted and stood and allowed himself to be led to Tim's car and guided into the passenger seat. When they pulled into their driveway and Tim opened the door to get him out, a vague part of his mind noticed that Tim must have buckled him in like a child as he released the seat-belt and got Gibbs to his feet with encouraging tugs to his hands, which felt powerfully hot as the blood returned to them. They went inside, and Tim hung their coats and locked up their weapons, returning to the foyer where Gibbs still waited, motionless, and put his arm around the still man. They went upstairs, and Tim paused at the foot of the bed.

Tim had grown calm, curled up on the floor of the elevator, after he'd cried himself out. The look on Gibbs' face before he walked out had sparked a memory that had finally flared into his consciousness. This had happened before. On a case the previous year, Gibbs had gone home without letting Tim know if he should join him at the house or go to his own apartment. Wanting to be with him, Tim had gone to the house only to be rebuffed by a cold, cynical Gibbs. It hadn't been until after the case that Gibbs had come to Tim in the middle of the night with the intention to break up with him because he didn't feel he deserved to have anything good in his life. Tim recalled the naked, silent pain he'd seen in his lover's eyes that night. It had to be the same thing now. It had to be, otherwise Gibbs didn't really love him and never had and Tim refused to believe that. He'd climbed to his feet and wiped the tears from his face, hitting the button for the squad room. Gathering both their stuff, Tim had followed his instinct and it had led him to where Gibbs sat alone in the freezing darkness.

Standing at the foot of their bed, Tim turned and laid his hand on Gibbs' cheek. He was still cold, the short ride in the warm car incapable of thawing him. Tim carefully undressed both of them, and tried not to worry as Gibbs passively allowed him to. He brought them into the bathroom and ran a warm shower, the still-docile older man following wherever Tim led. Once they had a chance to acclimate to the temperature, Tim adjusted it hotter, and wrapped his arms around Gibbs and stood under the spray with him. The heat penetrated them, and Tim eventually turned his head to whisper in Gibbs' ear.

"Jethro, please come back to me. I'm here, waiting for you. I love you so much. You're everything to me. I won't let you push me away anymore. You're stuck with me. I love you, sweetheart. Never gonna stop. Come back. I'm here. I love you," Tim said softly. He finally got a response when Gibbs sighed heavily. His own breath shakily whooshed from him in relief. He drew back, kissing Gibbs' finally warming cheek before he looked into his eyes. They were completely open and bared every ounce of pain he hid so expertly behind the confident, even arrogant façade he maintained daily. It was terrifying to look into such darkness, but Tim stood tall and faced it. "You're not pushing me away anymore, Gibbs. We are in this for good, _together_. Your pain is my pain, and god help you, mine is yours. We will face it all. I'm done letting you try to make me leave. The next time you call me out at work and I don't deserve it, I'm gonna call you out right back. You are not a man to hide from fear of facing problems, so we're going at them head on from here on out." Tim's voice was strong and low, absolutely sure, and he saw a glimmer of response in his lover's expression.

"You...shouldn't..." Gibbs' voice was hoarse.

"No. There's no should or shouldn't in this. There's only what _is_. And this is how it is. I know what you're doing. I regret not seeing it before, but I see it now, and this is it. I'm not doing that anymore. I love you, Jethro. I love you and I'm not going to let you punish yourself by punishing me when neither of us deserves it."

Gibbs finally began to see through the pain that had clouded his mind. "Tim? What...?"

A relieved smile graced Tim's face as he saw awareness returning to Gibbs' eyes. He gently kissed his lips and then reached to turn the water off. Gibbs frowned slightly as they got out and dried off, but went willingly into bed with Tim. They lay down in the dim light from the nightstand lamp, facing each other.

"Babe, I'm not really sure what happened," Gibbs confessed.

"I know. It's okay. I know we've had a few minor disagreements, but this was our first real fight, and we don't do anything by halves."

Gibbs sighed. His brain sluggishly revealed some of what had happened in the last few hours and his gaze became sorrowful. Tim stroked his face soothingly. Gibbs shut his eyes and leaned into the touch.

"I think you were hypothermic when I came to get you. I'm sorry I made you feel so bad you ended up like that. I've been holding it all in for these last few months, and... I won't do it again. We're going to communicate better. If it won't work with me on your team, I... We'll figure out another way."

Gibbs' eyes snapped open at that. "No! I want you with me. I won't have you going out in the field with some other team—"

Tim pressed his finger to Gibbs' lips. "We'll figure it out. If I'm gonna stay on the team, things have got to change." He kissed him softly. "But we start on that tomorrow, my love. Tonight, I'm going to show you how much pleasure and happiness you deserve." He kissed him again, this time with more passion. "I love you, Gibbs. You're the center of my world, and nothing will change that."

"Tim, I've been such a bastard-"

"Yep. But you're _my_ bastard, and I love you. No matter what."

"But—"

"Shh..." Tim smothered his protests with his mouth and Gibbs gave up. He needed to feel loved by Tim, even if he couldn't fathom how he could be worthy of it. He needed Tim, more than he'd ever needed anyone.

Tim spent long minutes just kissing him, their tongues sliding together, with his hand on Gibbs' waist, keeping him close. He felt the movement between their bodies as they both grew erect, and he reached down to adjust them so they were pressed against each other, trapped between their bellies. Gibbs jumped at the touch, but Tim only returned to the slow kissing. His hand slid to the small of Gibbs' back, and Gibbs clutched at him as Tim gently pushed his hips forward, then relaxed, starting a maddeningly slight pace.

Smiling into their kiss, Tim moved to trail along Gibbs' jaw to breathe in his ear and nibble on his lobe. "You're so strong, so handsome, Gibbs. I want to just stay here, like this, on the edge, with you, forever. I know we'll get through anything as long as we have each other. Oh, sweetie, I am gonna make you feel so good..."

Gibbs moaned as Tim bit him under the ear, then nipped his way down the side of his neck. He sucked lightly on his Adam's apple, and pushed him onto his back so he could reach the other side of his throat.

"Tim, baby, stop," Gibbs gasped. Tim moved so he could see his face. "I-I've been horrible to you. _I_ should be taking care of _you_..."

Tim shook his head. "No, love. I'm taking care of you _now_ , and _you're_ gonna start taking better care of _me_ at work. It's the opposite of what we've _been_ doing. Now shut up and let me make love to you, Jethro," Tim replied, smiling his adorable, sweet smile. Gibbs studied his expression, trying to understand, trying to make sure that this was the right thing to do. There was a wisdom in Tim that was part of what made their relationship work even with the difference in their ages and personalities. The words Tim had said on their sexy vacation weekend came back to him: 'I'm a genius, right? I've weighed everything, including your moodiness, you being a bastard, workaholic, close to alcoholic... And I choose _you_.' He didn't really understand how this amazing person actually wanted him, with all his myriad of faults, but he was suddenly filled with gratitude that he did. Swallowing past the emotional tightening in his throat, Gibbs nodded. He'd figure out how to make it work with Tim on the team. The alternative was unimaginable.

Tim's smile went from sweet to sensual and he kissed Gibbs again before moving back down his chest and thoroughly and attentively working his nipples, reminding Gibbs that he knew every way to please him. He mouthed the nubs, nestled amidst the gray, wiry chest hair, listening as Gibbs gasped and groaned. He brought his head up to see Gibbs' reaction when he pinched both simultaneously, and the way the older man's neck arched, his mouth falling open, emitting a loud cry, made Tim shudder. He twisted slightly, keeping firm pressure, and Gibbs' head rolled back and forth at the sensation. Tim could feel the moisture from both their leaking hard-ons between their bodies, and he wondered if he'd be able to restrain himself enough to do even half of the things he wanted to do.

Gibbs looked up at Tim through the haze of his sexual stimulation, and he could see the conflict in his expression and understood with a glance. He thrust up against the younger man's body, and that broke the moment of Tim's uncertainty. His luscious mouth descended onto Gibbs' and they kissed passionately.

It didn't matter anymore if he could display the stamina Gibbs did. Even if this only lasted a few more minutes, he was doing as he'd said was going to and pleasuring Gibbs, rather than passively allowing Gibbs to take them both to the heights of ecstasy. Tim ran his hands all over his lover, using his short nails to scrape his skin lightly, making Gibbs shiver.

Their tongues lashed each other, and their teeth scraped in their desperation. Both of them humped against the other's body and trembled at the friction on their cocks. Tim's breath was panting as he tried to breathe and kiss and stroke and rub all at once. He was losing his concentration in the frantic endorphin rush, and a tiny part of his mind wondered how Gibbs was able to stay in control when he made love to Tim and drew the pleasure out in extended sessions. All Tim was aware of was _want_ , and _need_ , and he finally gave in to it, reaching for the lube, slicking Gibbs' red, drooling cock, and rising up to impale himself.

Tim threw his head back and gave a shuddering, sobbing wail as he settled onto Gibbs' hips with him buried inside him. It was one of the most beautiful sounds Gibbs thought he'd ever heard his lover make. He dug his fingers into Tim's lean thighs and bucked into the hot tightness surrounding him.

Tim choked as Gibbs moved, and he started riding him frantically, unable to control himself in his wildly aroused state. He needed to come, needed to release the tremendous tension inside.

Gibbs ground his teeth at Tim's primal abandon, reveling in every moment of it. He felt Tim's orgasm start as his ass rippled around him and he watched in pure, animalistic lust as his long cock sent spurts across Gibbs' chest. Tim was screaming his completion, and the moment was perfect; _perfect_...

Tim sagged forward onto his hands, jerking with aftershocks, tears and sweat dripping down his face. He knew Gibbs hadn't come yet, and he tried to gather himself for further efforts to take him to his climax as well, but his body felt like his bones had melted, and he began to feel a helpless fear he wouldn't be able to take care of Gibbs. But Gibbs knew how taxing Tim's orgasm had been, and he sat up and rolled them over so he was on top of the trembling, exhausted, younger person. He kissed him languorously, and started a slow rocking, still deep inside him.

"Gibbs, I-" Tim wanted to apologize for his failure, but his lover stopped him.

"Shh. We take care of each other, baby. It's my turn," Gibbs interrupted quietly, then resumed kissing him and thrusting his hips hypnotically. As Tim recovered, he started shifting to meet Gibbs' motions, shuddering at how good it felt and beginning to get hard again.

Gibbs smiled and looked deeply into Tim's eyes. This man was everything to him. He'd been pushing him away through his twisted work behavior, and it was time to stop that. Whether he deserved Tim's love or not, he had it, and he was going to do his damnedest to keep it. His breath quickened and he began to speed up.

"I love you, Tim. I'm never gonna let you go. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, baby. Love you... Oh, yeah... Love you so much..."

Kissing him, Gibbs felt his entire body starting to shake. Tim gasped and held him tighter, raising his legs and rocking to meet each push, welcoming him deeper and harder as their lovemaking grew more and more intense.

"Yes... Yes, Jethro... Love you... Oh, god! Love...you... Ahh! Yes! Oh! Yes!"

Tim moving and changing the angle they were at made Gibbs cry out as he sank in further, reaching for _more_ connection between them, wanting to unify completely, to meld into one being. He wrapped his arms around and beneath Tim and held him close, plunging into him faster and faster as tears began leaking from his closed eyes. Tim's words devolved into one long moan, rising to a keen. Gibbs was sobbing at the ecstatic sensations, rising incandescent inside him, further and further, until his entire awareness, his whole _existence_ , was pure light, pure joy, pleasure, _love_...

Their voices howled together in a perfect harmonic as they came at the same time, flying, transcendent, completing each other, erasing every doubt, all the fear melting in the power of their fusion.

They lay for several minutes, chests heaving with hard breaths, both trying to come down from the high of the amazingly intense sex. Tim roused first and lowered his legs from where he'd locked them against the sides of Gibbs' ribcage, his heels digging into the small of his back. He wrapped his arms around the older man and stroked him lovingly. Gibbs' breath hitched, and he tried to get his emotional reaction under control.

"It's okay, Jethro," Tim murmured. "I love you. Everything is gonna be fine. We're good. We're _great_ , really. I love you so much..." He kissed the side of his lover's head where it rested against his shoulder.

Gibbs stayed as he was, hiding the tears he was shedding in reaction to the overload of sensation. He had never had an experience like that before. He wasn't sure if he'd lost consciousness or just been sent into a stupor by the tremendous, breathtaking orgasm, but even more than the physical reaction, he was shaken by how profoundly he felt his connection to Tim. It was as if they had actually melded into one another, and now were separate again. There was a sense of loss, a desire to recapture that elusive union, and more than anything, Gibbs just felt utterly drained. He wanted to sleep, and to hold Tim all night, but he was unsure if Tim wanted to talk more.

Groaning in tandem as Gibbs finally shifted off of Tim, the looked at each other as they settled side by side. Tim's eyes were still glazed in post-orgasmic satiety, but he reached out to the nightstand for tissues and wiped the worst of the mess off of both of them before pulling the blankets back up and hitting the light. He snuggled against Gibbs, pressing close to his side, and it was only a moment before Gibbs turned and enveloped him in his arms. Tim felt him bury his face tightly against his neck, and rubbed his back soothingly as he felt the older man's eyes release wet tears.

"I'm sorry," Gibbs whispered, his voice raw and thick.

"Shh. I understand. Sleep now, my love. Sleep..." Tim replied. And with that reassurance, Gibbs let his consciousness go and fell into a deep slumber. Tim followed soon after, feeling more hopeful and light in ways he hadn't even imagined he could.

~~~NCIS~~~

_A/N One chapter left, my friends. I have already started the third story in this series, although I am considering a one-shot in between. Could be a while before it's posted, but I hope that it's worth the wait when it is. Thanks for going on this adventure with me. And thank so much to everyone for the support with the kudos and comments!_


	7. Buried Beneath

Chapter Seven: Buried Beneath

Tim woke before Gibbs. He'd planned to go to the gym but decided that wasn't in the best interest of building on the emotional happenings of the week. It was Friday, and Jackson was arriving for his visit a week from Saturday. They needed to get the air cleared between them as completely as possible, and address the concerns of the team as well. It was a time to rebuild on a stronger foundation of openness and truth. 

 

He stroked a finger down the side of Gibbs' face. "Jethro," he said softly, and kissed him as he woke. 

 

Gibbs ached all over. Stress, hypothermia, and great sex had taken their toll. "Hey."

 

"That lead Tony and I followed to that house yesterday didn't go anywhere. It's Friday. What do you think of giving the team the day off? We're still on call this weekend, but we all need some time to get everything going in a new direction, I think," Tim said calmly. Gibbs frowned and tensed. They did not talk about work at home. But the night before had changed things. New leaf. 

 

"I better call them myself or Tony's gonna think you snapped and bumped me off."

 

"I think we'd better _both_ say something to him."

 

"I'll call Vance first."

 

The Director was surprised but guardedly pleased when Gibbs informed him of their plans. He hadn't been unaware of the tension on Gibbs' team and he was hopeful they'd work things out so he didn't have to intervene and possibly break up the team with the highest solve rate in the agency. Their effectiveness had never faltered through the emotional tensions, but he couldn't stand to see his people so miserable. 

 

They called on speaker and woke Tony, who croaked understanding, managing to sound shocked at getting an unexpected day off from his slave-driver of a boss even through his bruised throat. 

 

"I think we'll want to have the team over sometime this weekend, too. We all need to talk about the changes that need to be made," Tim said. Tony grunted, and they hung up. Gibbs texted Ziva, and Tim texted Abby to let her know they were going to be implementing changes and that he was hopeful. 

 

Gibbs started to get out of bed, but Tim pulled him back down. 

 

"We can go back to sleep, hon. You look like you're still tired. I'm sure that was exhausting last night."

 

Gibbs relented and dropped back onto his pillow. "Couple more hours should do."

 

Tim smiled and closed his eyes. He'd talked about work and nothing had exploded. It was an excellent first step. 

 

~~~NCIS~~~

 

 

 

At first it felt like a weekend day. Gibbs woke, watched Tim sleeping for a few minutes, his face young and angelic, even with his cheek smooshed by his own fist, then went downstairs to start the coffee. Once he had a cup in hand and he went to look outside, it started to bubble to the surface that he'd actually taken a day off. Tim had convinced him to let everyone on his team take a day without having worked sixty or seventy hours already. He must have been pretty damned out of it to agree to that. His conscious mind stubbornly held at bay the memory of the painful depths he'd plumbed in his own damaged psyche. But he'd never been one for avoiding. 

 

It was his turn to try to wrap his brain around an improbable if-then statement. If Tim was willing to stick around through Gibbs treating him in ways that made him feel worse than his father had made him feel, willing to confront Gibbs about it and then take care of him when he'd been ready to die from the guilt, then Tim loved him with all the depth and breadth of his lion heart and Gibbs needed to take him at his word that he wanted no one but him. He needed to stop fatalistically planning for an end between them and start building on the platform of trust and a permanent relationship. It wasn't up to him to dictate that Tim deserved better. If Gibbs was what Tim wanted, he'd better step up and be worthy of that love and faith. 

 

He heard water running upstairs. Tim was up. And he needed words from Gibbs about all of this. Thank goodness the last year had gotten him used to thinking about all this messy emotional crap and talking with his lover. 

 

By the time Tim came down, Gibbs had toast and eggs waiting for him to go with his coffee. 

 

Giving Gibbs a bright smile, Tim accepted the food after giving his lover a kiss on the cheek. They sat and ate, and worked their way through the whole pot of coffee before they said anything. 

 

"How are you feeling this morning, sweetheart?" Tim asked, putting his hand on top of Gibbs' and rubbing his knuckles with his thumb. 

 

Gibbs took a sharp breath to answer in a dismissive monosyllable, but paused and answered honestly instead. "I'm a little achy. Wondering how you talked me into a day off."

 

Tim chuckled. "I think you should take a hot shower, or better yet, a bath. Hypothermia is a strain to your whole system."

 

Gibbs' nose wrinkled at the thought of a bath, and Tim slid his bare foot across under the table and caressed his leg with it. "I could join you." That brought a smile. 

 

"Figured you'd wanna talk first."

 

"We have some stuff to talk about, yes, but I do want you to take care of yourself."

 

Gibbs looked at Tim and just let everything wash over him. This beautiful, kind, amazing person had chosen _him_ , terse old bastard. He'd put up with cruelty in order to try to make this relationship work. That needed to be addressed. 

 

"I hurt you. Physically, in the basement that night, and mentally at work. Tim, I am sorry. I don't deserve it, but I want to ask for your forgiveness."

 

Tim's breath caught. He slowly completed a full inhale and a slow exhale before answering. "Thank you. I'm certain I will get to a point of total forgiveness, but I'm not there yet. I think addressing it openly will help, and I appreciate how difficult that was for you to say." He paused. "In the basement that night, I was hurt less physically than I was emotionally. Can you... Can you tell me what you were thinking? Why you p-punished me like that?"

 

Gibbs' heart broke. He thought he had addressed it sufficiently by taking the blame for what had happened, but if Tim was still convinced he'd been punishing him, then there remained a huge misunderstanding between them. No wonder Tim had freaked out in the lab. "Tim, it was never about punishment. I... I felt threatened, and I lashed out in the wrong direction, in the wrong way. I felt old and...unworthy of you, and I reacted like a caveman. I had to prove to myself that you were still mine, at least for that night. It was a _horrible_ thing to do. It's unforgivable, and I will regret it for the rest of my life."

 

Tears filled Tim's eyes. "So you weren't punishing me? I didn't do anything wrong that night? I... I thought that you blamed me, for ruining our evening, for that guy hitting on me. But it was because you felt insecure? God, that's so... I never even considered that."

 

Gibbs clenched his jaw. He did not want to dwell on this! But he had to be sure Tim understood. "I _told_ you it was all on me. _I_ screwed up. You didn't do anything wrong, Tim."

 

Tears overflowed and Tim wept. Some walled-off pocket of self-recrimination was evaporating, and while it hurt to know Gibbs had been in such pain that night, it was healing for Tim to finally understand what was behind the brutal coupling that had haunted him. 

 

Gibbs came around the table and pulled Tim to his feet and held him. When the shudders began to lessen, Gibbs turned his head and repeated, "I'm sorry," which brought fresh sobs, though Tim clung to him, so he figured he was on the right track. 

 

Tim found the crying cathartic, and by the time he calmed, he felt lighter. He sniffed hard, and gave Gibbs a watery smile before he went to get tissues. He blew his nose and wiped his eyes and returned to his lover. 

 

Gibbs cleared the table, putting the dishes in the sink, and was starting a fire when Tim came back from the bathroom. Once it was crackling merrily, they sat on the couch together. 

 

"So..." Tim began. He was sure this discussion needed to happen but was filled with dread about it. He forged on anyway. "At work."

 

Gibbs tensed. "Yeah."

 

"I guess I let this go on too long. I know you've been trying to find your way to keeping the team safe and together, but I left you alone in that when I should have stepped in to guide you," Tim said. Gibbs turned his head and stared at him in perplexity. 

 

"Huh? What could you have done?"

 

"Oh, sweetie, I could have told you it wasn't working at the very least! Tony and Ziva didn't feel safer with you treating me like crap, they felt off-balance and unsure what to do. You're not the most sensitive to the emotional reactions of the team when you're wrapped up in your own thoughts, so I could have said something. I'm sorry I didn't."

 

" _None_ of this is your fault!"

 

"Oh, no. You don't get to take the blame for everything, Gibbs. We're all at fault, here. We did the best we could, but we all made the choices that led us to where we are and it's time for _all_ of us to choose differently."

 

Gibbs fumed. He'd fucked up, and Tim wanted him to shift the blame onto everyone else? That wasn't right! It was his responsibility, his transgressions he had to make right. He had-

 

A light slap to the back of his head startled Gibbs and his jaw dropped. 

 

"I resolve to do that whenever you need it. Stop wallowing in your own guilt and let's work out a plan to change things," Tim said, shaking his finger at Gibbs in imitation of the way Gibbs so often did to one of them after a head slap. His heart was pounding at his audacity, but he was ninety percent certain it would get him the result he wanted. 

 

Gibbs ground his teeth for a moment. "Not in front of people," he growled. Tim's eyes narrowed. 

 

"If you need it, I will do it whenever, wherever, and in front of whomever," he replied grimly. Then he sighed and relented.  "But I _will_ be sensitive to your position. You're our leader, and I won't compromise your authority." He had to concede to that at least. 

 

Glaring, Gibbs finally nodded. "Fine."

 

Tim blew out a shaky breath and smiled. It was difficult to stand up to Gibbs, but he was determined to do whatever it took to get things going in the right direction. 

 

"The others need to know that it's okay for them to tell you when you're being unreasonable."

 

Gibbs scowled, and Tim nearly rolled his eyes. But unreasonable was part of Gibbs' motivational toolbox, so he elaborated. 

 

"When you're being more unreasonable than is warranted," Tim clarified. "You make unreasonable demands of us all the time to push us, to get the cases solved, and we all know and understand that. I don't think that anyone is going to take advantage of the opportunity to slack. That's not who we are. We just need a slightly different dynamic now."

 

Gibbs grudgingly nodded. His expression was still sour, and Tim drew him close and kissed his cheek. "It won't be that bad, Gibbs. We all know and love you just as you are. You're our bastard of a boss, and we're still here because we choose to be. Don't worry."

 

Gibbs grumbled, but settled into Tim's arms. If he got to keep this, being here with Tim sharing his home and life, as well as the job he loved, it would be worth it. 

 

As the fire burned down, Tim thought about what he needed to be able to move on from the destructive way they'd been living. An idea occurred that he knew would lay to rest the encounter in the basement, but he wasn't sure he could face it just yet. His stomach clenched at the thought of asking Gibbs to make love to him down there. He'd save that for when he felt like he could handle it. 

 

They cleaned up the breakfast dishes, and Gibbs compromised by taking a long shower. It helped the aching in his body, but something inside him still felt bruised and tender. 

 

But Tim was a care-taker at heart, and he knew his lover. Gibbs was at his limit for talking and sitting around doing nothing. 

 

"Can I help with the bookcase, hon?" Tim asked when Gibbs came downstairs clean and freshly shaven. 

 

"You're allergic to sawdust."

 

"I took an allergy pill."

 

Gibbs nodded and headed for the basement. Tim stopped him on the landing at the top of the stairs when he found himself starting to tremble. 

 

"I haven't been down there since I got drunk while you were gone," Tim confessed. Gibbs frowned, feeling guilty again. "I'm not telling you to make you feel bad. I'm just... A little hesitant."

 

Gibbs nodded and took his hand. He squeezed it, then inclined his head down, raising an eyebrow. Tim had to smile at the totally Gibbsian non-verbal communication. He took a breath, then nodded, and Gibbs slowly led him downstairs and over to the workbench. He turned back to Tim. 

 

"I love you. _That_ won't happen again."

 

Tim smiled and it was only slightly hesitant. "I know. _Neither_ one of us will let it."

 

Gibbs nodded silently, then handed him sandpaper and showed him how to find rough spots and work them smooth. 

 

~~~NCIS~~~

 

Gibbs was incredibly sexy when he was utterly content working with wood. Tim kept pausing to watch his lover, seeing the years drop away, the worries and concerns that usually tightened the skin around his mouth and eyes easing as he planed and sanded and formed. Tim was enraptured. He found himself surprisingly ready to enact his plan to free himself from the hurt of being roughly fucked by getting Gibbs to make love to him instead. The switch from worried about how it might be to be down here and have something sex related happen to melting inside and needing the physical reassurance that everything was okay between them seemed abrupt, but he supposed that his trust in Gibbs was such that since he'd apologized (!), and Gibbs had reassured him that he never wanted to hurt Tim again, Tim's fear was simply gone. Maybe swamped and drowned in part by desire, but all his thinking and considering regarding this had been done previously. What he needed now was to act on it. 

 

Gibbs' concentration was so great the he didn't notice that Tim was planning something until he appeared like a vision, nude, moving close to him and kissing him while cupping his face. Gibbs blinked as they drew apart. "Y'know, I didn't expect you to get turned on by sanding," he said with a playful twist to his lips. Tim's expression was completely serious, though. 

 

"One of the perfect memories in my life is that first weekend with you. Everything was new and I was actually living out fantasies I had suppressed for years. You made love to me down here, and it was _incredible_. That other experience at the workbench has tainted my thinking of being down here. Seeing you at peace, working on another gift for me... Well, not only are you sexy as hell," he finally smiled a little, "but it gives me the opportunity to ask you to make a new memory for us, to wash away my misunderstanding and fear about being down here with you. Will you make love to me? Here, with me bent over your workbench, showing me all the love and caring that you have for me?"

 

Gibbs didn't answer with words, he just pulled Tim close and kissed him long and lovingly. Then he placed Tim's hands on the hem of his t-shirt, encouraging him to pull it off of him, which he did. Then Gibbs kicked his shoes off and dropped his pants, pushing them aside with his foot before drawing Tim back into a warm embrace. His arms enveloped his pale-skinned lover and registered for the first time that Tim was getting rail thin. He resolved to make sure he ate more as he ran his hands down to palm Tim's ass and spread him a little, trailing his fingers into the warm valley at his center. 

 

Tim shuddered. Gibbs was intense when he got like this, and Tim knew he was the only thing the older man was aware of. The single-minded focus comforted him. 

 

"Oh!" Tim gasped when Gibbs' fingertips found his entrance and opened him slightly, one digit from each hand working gently in and flexing the ring of muscle and giving himself access to the hot core of Tim. Without lube, Gibbs was just playing with the rim, not attempting any substantial penetration, but all the nerves were sending anticipatory shocks of pleasure to Tim's brain and he twitched and started rubbing his groin against Gibbs'. 

 

Kissing along Tim's jaw, feeling the stubble, Gibbs smiled to himself and ran his tongue down the long neck and back up to his ear. "I love you, Tim. Gonna take you slow, right here. Slide into you and listen to those beautiful sounds you make... Touch your soft skin, fill you up... Show you how it should always be, babe," he whispered. 

 

Tim's head lolled to the side, giving over to Gibbs. "Oh... Oh, yes..." 

 

Gibbs worked his neck and rearranged them so their erections were pointed up, trapped between their bellies. 

 

They stood and kissed and rubbed against each other for an age before Gibbs tenderly turned Tim around and put his hands on the edge of the bench. He stayed close, keeping contact with Tim's body as much as possible while he grabbed the lube he'd put down among his tools after that awful night. Running his left hand up and down the acres of skin of Tim's back and side with his left hand, Gibbs gently probed him with the lubricated fingers of his right. He lovingly fingered the hot canal, and Tim shivered and shook, moaning. 

 

"Oh, yes, Gibbs, please... I need you, oh god! I need you to fill me and hold me and love me... Ooohhh..."

 

Gibbs closed his eyes at the soft words and took a long pause. "Beautiful, Tim. It's so beautiful to hear you..." He murmured in return. He shifted over and lined up, carefully pushing inside, incrementally, reveling in the sensations and Tim's response. 

 

It was the most ideal, intimate possible feeling as his lover gently impaled him, and Tim whimpered and choked on tears. "Oh, Jethro! L-love... Yeeesss... Oh! Baby, love you... _Unh_... So - _good_ \- yes... Oh, Gibbs..."

 

When Gibbs was fully encapsulated, he leaned over and pressed against Tim, trying for as much skin contact as possible from his thighs up to where he rested his cheek on Tim's shoulderblade. 

 

"I love you, Tim. Love you so much..."

 

They stood that way, gasping, until the waiting was intolerable. Tim clenched on the hardness inside him and Gibbs groaned but took the hint. He started slowly, rolling his hips and spending long moments deep inside between thrusts. 

 

It was too much, yet not enough. Tim had tears streaking his face, and he moved so he could rest his forehead on his arms and push back into the maddening pleasure of the slowest fuck imaginable. He arched his back and felt Gibbs pressing on his prostate more and he panted, his body jerking. "Gibbs... Gibbs..."

 

Gibbs understood. He sped up, angling to stimulate that sweet spot in Tim more, and was rewarded with cries of satisfaction. He could tell Tim was getting close to climaxing, and he moved with deliberate intent. He wanted Tim to come while feeling and hearing how much Gibbs loved and adored him. 

 

"Tim, yes! Oh, baby, you're everything... You're _everything_ to me, sweetheart. Love you, so much... Want you to come for me, Tim. Come with me loving you, with me giving you everything I have and everything I am... Oh, Tim, yeah, that's it, feel me, babe, feel me loving you. Yes! Oh, Tim, yes! God! Yes, so perfect! Love, love, love!"

 

Tim's world was Gibbs. The words of love and tenderness soothed his soul even as his balls tightened up and he cried out with each push, getting closer, reaching for it, concentrating on how loved he felt, how cherished and important to his lover. 

 

"Gibbs!" Tim wailed, his body clenching tight, rippling along Gibbs' cock. The older man groaned and helped him ride it out, pulling Tim upright and holding him close as he cried in the intimate moment of release. 

 

When Tim's orgasm faded to shudders, he put his hands on top of the powerful arms supporting him. He could still feel Gibbs inside him, hard, and he turned his head and craned his neck to look him in the eyes questioningly. 

 

"I want to finish in our bed, love. That okay?" Gibbs said softly. Tim smiled and nodded. He shivered as Gibbs withdrew from his body, but they stayed close to each other as they went up to their bedroom. 

 

Gibbs laid Tim in the middle of the mattress and lay down half on top of him. Kissing him languorously, he enjoyed how Tim's body rose to press closer to him, arching sensuously. 

 

With Tim laying beneath him, Gibbs could see and touch and taste every inch of his neck and chest. Tim's skin always had a very particular taste, and Gibbs loved the familiarity of it. Possessiveness roared up in him, and he stopped what he was doing to fight it. 

 

Tim, floating in the sea of endorphins, took a moment to register that Gibbs was frozen above him. He blinked and focused his eyes on his lover and quickly brought his hands up to touch Gibbs' face. 

 

"Love, come back to me. Jethro," he said, just barely speaking his name. 

 

Gibbs opened his eyes and met Tim's gaze. He pressed his lips together. Tim tilted his head, still questioning, and he nodded shortly. 

 

"I'm the only one who gets to taste you, who gets to hear you and see you in ecstasy and to come inside you. That sense of you being mine is really strong. But it makes you uncomfortable, and-"

 

"Gibbs, hon, there's a difference between feeling like a _thing_ you _own_ and feeling appreciated by you. Right now, you're not trying to show me or anyone else that you're my owner or something. You're loving me. You're appreciating that I give you every bit of myself. That's different."

 

Gibbs slowly let that sink in and he nodded. "You're mine because you choose to give yourself to me. I'm yours for the same reason. Damn, babe, you are so smart. How'd I luck out and get such a beautiful, intelligent person to love me?"

 

"You're smart and handsome and loyal and good. You deserve to be loved, Gibbs. You deserve every happiness."

 

Gibbs' expression clouded and he shook his head a little. Tim could tell it was an unconscious gesture. He stroked his fingers from Gibbs' temples to his chin, knowing that all the other people who knew him thought he was confident to the point of arrogance. Tim knew better, knew that Gibbs felt unworthy of love from past transgressions and so he pushed himself beyond reason to try to balance some cosmic debt he owed. "I will try to make you happy, sweetheart. I'll do anything I can to help you see and know that you deserve it."

 

Gibbs eyes took on more of a pained look, but he didn't speak any denial. He kissed Tim again, and reached out to the nightstand. He maintained the lip lock as he added what was needed, then broke it gently as he shifted down and held Tim's thighs up as he pressed into him. They both closed their eyes as they joined, the sensation washing over them. 

 

Their bodies rolled gently together like a boat at sea, rocking with the swells of pure, sensual feelings. Tim looked up at Gibbs and wept silently at the expression he saw. Concentration, and that look that could have been pain in another context, along with some kind of sadness in which Tim read that dark loneliness he knew shrouded the deepest part of Gibbs' heart. He wanted to wash it away, wanted his love to believe when he told him he loved and wanted only him, and that he deserved happiness and joy and light, but he helplessly worried he didn't know how. 

 

"Jethro," he whispered. Gibbs' stunning eyes opened and they reflexively smiled at each other. Tim reached up to cup his cheek. "You give me so much. And you deserve more than I can give. God!" Gibbs gave a particularly good thrust. "Please let me love you... Let me show you... I need you to believe me. You're good and selfless and you deserve - _ah_!" 

 

"Love you, too, Tim. Now shut the fuck up," Gibbs said, angling again and again for that spot that made Tim's eyes roll back and his mind turn to pudding. In moments he could feel and see the changes in Tim that he was getting close. He dropped onto one elbow and snaked his hand between them to stroke him, knowing exactly how to thumb his glans on the upstroke and the right pace to get him off. 

 

"Aaaahhh! Gibbs... _Gibbs_..." Tim cried out and then whimpered as his lover expertly milked him of every iota of his orgasm. 

 

When Tim started thinking again, he realized what Gibbs had done and narrowed his eyes. The cheeky grin he got in return only egged him on, and he flipped them, giving a triumphant smile that he'd done it without disengaging. He started slowly rotating his hips and clenching, sliding up and down and just using his body to send Gibbs into raptures. Gibbs grunted and tossed his head at the amazing sensations Tim was creating with his body. Then Tim paused. Gibbs' eyes fluttered open. 

 

"You deserve this, love. I'm never going to stop working to convince you that you deserve love and happiness and joy," Tim said, looking down into the depths of Gibbs' eyes. The silver head tilted, but he didn't voice any protest, so Tim smiled and went back to riding him. 

 

Tim rotated his hips again and again until Gibbs was panting, then he shifted to a swift up and down for almost a minute, then back to the gyrations. After several cycles of that, Gibbs was moaning and his mouth was open as he gulped in air. Tim reveled in the power of bringing his strong, masculine lover to a state of mindless ecstasy. He wasn't feeling any stirring of his own erection, so he took the unusual opportunity to concentrate fully on Gibbs. 

 

"Tim! Ah! Ooohh, _fuck_... Tim... Unnngh, yes, _oh god_ , Tim..." Gibbs was making sounds Tim had never heard him make before and he found himself tearing up. 

 

The next time Tim tried to stop sliding up and down and return to his circular movement, Gibbs clutched his thighs and started bucking. Tim immediately switched back and let Gibbs set the pace, a frantic thrusting until the older man's fingers dug into Tim's flesh and he gave an inhuman, gargled shout. Tim felt him throbbing in strong pulses inside him and he sobbed at the beautiful sensation of Gibbs filling his body. He squeezed a few times until Gibbs groaned at the continued stimulation, then he dropped forward and nuzzled his face into Gibbs' sweaty neck. 

 

"Oh, babe, you are so wonderful. You deserve this. You deserve love and pleasure... You deserve to have your brains fucked out. You are such a great-"

 

"Tim. Stop. Just...stop, okay?"

 

Tim leaned back so he could look at him. 

 

"I've got... _crap..._ that you can't just make all better with words and earth-shattering sex," Gibbs said softly. Tim nodded. 

 

"I'm never going to stop trying, though."

 

"You better not!" Gibbs smiled a crooked half-smile and swatted his ass playfully, then Tim slid off of him and settled beside him, wrapping his arms around him. 

 

Holding Gibbs brought a protectiveness out in Tim. And as he considered the exchange they'd just had, he realized several things. Gibbs had admitted that he had demons. He'd insinuated that though words and sex weren't enough to exorcise them, that maybe it was possible to do so some other way. Tim had a real hope that they were going to be okay, that they were on the upswing. And he realized that finally he felt strong enough and confident enough that he believed he could handle it all. He pulled Gibbs tighter against him and smiled. 

 

They stayed quietly in their cocoon of togetherness for a few more minutes, then got up and showered and dressed. 

 

 

~~~NCIS~~~

 

Tim planned the meal for everyone, a traditional roast with baked potatoes and his mother's green bean casserole. He and Gibbs went to the grocery store and also bought several bottles of wine, a six pack of Tony's favorite beer, and the best bottle of Scotch the store had, a dusty fifteen year old Laphroaig, to hopefully ease the tensions which would likely be high. Walking through the store together, Tim had to smile at the memory of a trip like it during their first weekend together. 

 

"You know I almost hauled you into the bathroom at the store that first time we went shopping together and made you take me," Tim told him, murmuring in his ear. Gibbs chuckled. 

 

"Hell, Tim, I'd have bent you over the shopping cart in the produce section that day if you'd asked. I was flying so high at finally getting to touch you and spend time with you..."

 

Tim bit his lip at Gibbs' words and put his hand on top of his lover's on the cart handle. "Why did we wait so long? We could have had-"

 

"Uh-uh. No second guessing. We just gotta use the time we have now."

 

Nodding with a sigh, Tim chose a couple of pies, one blueberry, which earned a smile from Gibbs, and one a chocolate cream pumpkin spice with cinnamon sprinkles, at which Gibbs wrinkled his nose. He got an apple pie, too, in case he was wrong thinking that Tony and Abby would like the seasonal confection, and then led the way back to the freezer section for ice cream. That earned a grunt and an approving nod and Tim just shook his head. 

 

"Do you want to ask Fornell to join us?" Tim asked as they drove home. 

 

"Why should I?" Gibbs asked. Tim nearly rolled his eyes. 

 

"He knows we've had problems, and he's your friend and he cares about you. I don't think this is just a team meeting, I think it's a time to clear the air and answer the hard questions so we can all start out on level ground. I'd even be okay if you want Vance to come."

 

"No, this is... It's private. Family. Tobias is okay, and I'll tell Vance whatever changes we come up with, but I don't think he needs to be in on this part."

 

"Whatever you want. If it goes well, maybe we can try to have friends over for dinner more often."

 

Gibbs nodded thoughtfully. "That'd be nice, hon."

 

"We might need a new dining room set if we're gonna host meals regularly. And the walls downstairs could really use a scrub...or paint," Tim said. Gibbs laughed. 

 

"Sounds like an excuse for more shopping," he said, and took Tim's hand. "But that's fine. Decorate to your heart's content. I love your taste in colors and I will paint or build you anything you want."

 

Tim just grinned. 

 

~~~NCIS~~~

 

Everyone they'd invited was eager to come, and they all brought something, even though the only person Tim asked in advance to get anything was Ziva, who brought rolls. More bottles of alcohol were added to the liquor selection, and Tim called and asked Tony stop for ice so they could chill all the beer. The SFA was tense and glaring when he arrived and he looked closely at Tim, obviously checking for signs of abuse. 

 

Tim remained calm and went back to the kitchen to check the temperature of the roast. He was nervous, but kept reiterating to himself that these people all loved both of them and were there to support them. 

 

At Tim's encouragement, Gibbs went out to talk to the group while he finished up in the kitchen. 

 

"You all know it's been tough adjusting. I have been an insufferable bastard. This get together is to tell you all that I'm turning over a new leaf. At work, I'm still team lead. I'm still gonna drive you all and make you crazy. But when it goes too far... I'm asking you to stop me. We'll have to work out whatever way or signal that works for each of you, but I need this. Tim needs this. You in?"

 

"It's about damned time," Fornell said. "I'm in, and not just at work. With bells on."

 

Jimmy nodded, his eyes wide, and Gibbs doubted their meek, youngest member would ever actually do anything, but maybe he was wrong. Abby started jabbering about code words and visual cues, but it was Ziva's solemn look that caught his attention. 

 

"I will do this, Gibbs. You are both important to me, and I am glad you are trying to be open to changing how things are between you at work."

 

"Thanks, Ziver."

 

"Jethro, this is admirable. And contrary to the colloquialism, old dogs _can_ learn new tricks."

 

Tony couldn't hold back anymore. "Are we just gonna ignore the last two months?" His voice was hoarse from the damage to his throat but if it hurt to talk he didn't let it stop him. "Just give you a pass for all the times you hurt Tim, for doing what you did in the basement of this house?"

 

"Tony! I told you that in confidence!" Abby cried. 

 

"Is this when you got rough with him?" Fornell asked mildly. 

 

"Rough? He choked him!" Tony shouted. 

 

"-Jethro! How could you-"

 

"-didn't tell me _that_ -"

 

"-into tiny pieces so that they will never find the body-"

 

"That is totally unacceptable!" Jimmy's shout stopped everyone else cold and they turned to stare at him. Tim came from the kitchen and hurried to the young man. He'd been shocked by the rapid escalation of anger in the group and had hesitated under the archway, staring. 

 

"Jimmy-"

 

"No! No, Tim. You have to get out. You can't stay here. If he's abusing you, you are _leaving_ , right now. You can live with me and Breena. Agent Fornell, you should arrest Agent Gibbs right now! He's a Federal Agent, so you’re within your jurisdiction. If Tim won't file a complaint, I will, on his behalf. Tim, come on-" Jimmy grabbed Tim's arm and pulled him away from Gibbs, putting himself between them and glaring at Gibbs with a ferocity that stunned everyone. 

 

"Jimmy, stop!" Tim yelled. Palmer's face was white, his eyes wild, and Tim knew immediately that there was more to this than what there appeared. He tugged Jimmy's arm to redirect him, murmuring about going upstairs to the guest room. 

 

" _No_! No hiding. This has to be out in the open, Tim. You can't hide, or it'll just get worse!"

 

Tim wrapped his arms around Jimmy, who was shaking, and it was obvious to everyone that the young man must have had very personal experience that had set him off. 

 

"Jimmy, I promise that Gibbs isn't abusing me. We had a misunderstanding and now Tony's misunderstood, too. We'll explain everything. Just calm down. I'm okay. We're all okay. We're here to support each other. You'll see. Just breathe, Jimmy. And trust me, trust all of us. We're family," Tim said quietly. Everyone could hear, of course, but Tim's focus was totally on Palmer. 

 

"You can't keep it secret, Tim," Jimmy choked. 

 

"Shh, no secrets. We're all here together so we can clear the air."

 

"You have a home with me and Breena. I'll give you a key. You have somewhere to go."

 

"Okay, okay, Jimmy. Thank you. I appreciate your support. It's okay."

 

The others watched as the two spoke private reassurances. Gibbs was swimming in shame and pain, struggling not to walk out of his own home. Ducky saw and went to him. 

 

"This is something far larger than whatever indiscretion to which Anthony is referring. There seems to be much more to Mr Palmer than even _I_ know. Let this play out. We're lancing a number of infected wounds here, Jethro, but it needs to happen, and we're doing it together," he said. 

 

Fornell put his hand on Gibbs' shoulder and squeezed, letting him know he agreed with Ducky. Gibbs swallowed hard and nodded once. 

 

When Tim released Jimmy, the younger man still kept himself between him and Gibbs. Tim sighed. 

 

"Ziva, would you cover the roast and turn off the oven? It seems we're having the discussion before dinner instead of after," he said. 

 

When Ziva returned, Tim gestured. "Please, can we all just sit down and have a rational discussion? I'll start."

 

Everyone settled, somewhat uncomfortably. 

 

"First off, you all need to know that I love Gibbs and choose to have my life be with him, and nothing that has happened in the past or will happen in the future will change that," Tim said. He pointedly met each person's eyes before he continued. "Being together openly has been difficult. We've both done things, or allowed the other to do things that weren't in our best interest as a couple. We want to keep working together, but things will have to change to do that. We want your help to make this work."

 

"What about the abuse Tony has accused Gibbs of?" Ziva asked. Tim realized the woman was sitting on the edge of her seat, angled so Gibbs was in her full line of sight. 

 

"There is _no_ abuse-"

 

"Yeah, Tim, there was," Gibbs interrupted. He kept his voice calm and leveled his gaze, sweeping everyone before settling back on his lover. "I hurt you, that night in the basement. And I've been verbally abusing you at work. I've said it in private, but they need to hear it. I'm sorry for treating you like crap. No excuses. I broke my vow to myself to never hurt you again after I lost control when I was drugged. I can't just ask you to forget that. Trust has gotta be earned back, day by day. That's what I'm gonna do."

 

Silence descended. Hearing Gibbs admit weakness or mistakes was rare. 

 

"Timothy, I am concerned for your health. You have gotten disturbingly thin," Ducky said, shifting the attention to the younger man. 

 

"I guess I've let the stress get to me. I'll work on that, Ducky."

 

"I will make sure that you eat, _sheli_."

 

Tim smiled. "And help me keep working out. I'd love to have a six-pack and look really cut..."

 

"I want to know everything is going to stay normal. I mean, normal for us is murder and terrorism and long hours and - well, I want the team together and acting like a team again. I love you guys and I need to keep things the way they belong," Abby piped up. 

 

"That's what we're trying to do, Abs."

 

Gibbs turned to Fornell. The FBI agent raised his hands. "I know you. If you're willing to swallow your pride and fall on your sword in front of everyone, you're serious."

 

"Tony?" Tim said. The man had been uncharacteristically silent since Jimmy's outburst. 

 

"I've heard everything you guys have said. I reserve judgment until I see some real change."

 

Tim met Gibbs' glance and they wordlessly shared their concern for the SFA. Tim had never seen him this critical of Gibbs before, but he could see in his lover's eyes that Gibbs thought he deserved Tony's suspicion, and worse, still. But they would manage. They were a family by choice instead of blood, and they were choosing to continue that. 

 

The rest of the dinner was subdued. Jimmy still seemed shaken, and Tim saw Tony talking with him. He hoped it was about supporting Jimmy rather than reinforcing his negative reaction, but Gibbs just put his hand on Tim's and squeezed reassuringly. 

 

After the meal, Gibbs enlisted Tony to help him clean up and they stood side by side at the sink, with Gibbs washing and Tony rinsing and drying. 

 

"What's it gonna take for you to be okay, to earn your trust back?" Gibbs asked bluntly. Tony thought about it. 

 

"At work... You gotta treat him better. It's been so bad that I've worried that you'll put _him_ in danger trying to be fair and watching out for me and Ziva. You will take care of us; your gut won't let you not, but you've gotta give your heart room to watch over Tim the way he needs," he said. 

 

Gibbs grunted and nodded. "I'm gonna be working on it. Remind me, okay?"

 

"You know I will." 

 

Tony considered how to approach the other half of the problem. 

 

"With you guys at home... I don't know. I'm not here, and I want to trust you that it's gonna be okay, but I just...don't. I keep picturing you in a rage, choking him..."

 

Gibbs' gut clenched and he felt shame heat his face. 

 

"I mean, I have a hard enough time imagining you two... I mean, not that I _imagine_ you, but just... This is McGee! Hurting him, really, it's like... Really, it's like kicking a puppy, and that's just not something I ever thought you were capable of."

 

"You think you never hurt him physically with your pranks? I never dared step in or reveal my feelings for him, but you were just plain mean," Gibbs said defensively. 

 

"Yeah, I'll grant you that, but... I'm not his _lover_ , Gibbs. I'm having a hard time not siding with Palmer on this, like, maybe Tim should move out for a while until we know it's safe-"

 

"Tony, it's safe. _I'm_ safe," Tim interrupted from the archway. "Let's set up an all out match in the gym with me and Gibbs and I will show you that if I am ever in trouble, I can get myself out of it. What do you think?"

 

"Oh, come on! You think you could take Gibbs? Seriously?"

 

"No, what I'm saying is that I could get _away_ from him if I wanted or needed to. I have been training a lot and I can even get away from Ziva when I try. Most of the time."

 

"Tim..." The SFA's face was a mask of uncertainty. 

 

Tim approached and stood facing Tony. "I trust Gibbs completely with my physical well-being. Even when things got rough, even when he grabbed my throat; he did _not_ choke me, by the way; I never got scared he'd actually harm me. Do you have any idea what that's like? Have you ever trusted someone that totally?"

 

"I used to trust Gibbs that way, too." Tony's voice was soft and pained. 

 

"Oh, Tony," Tim put his hands on Tony's shoulders and held tight. "You still can. You still _should_." The torment and confusion Tony was experiencing was making Tim's heart hurt. "Please, you've known him so long... You know, in here-" he put his hand over Tony's heart, "that he's good and loyal and trustworthy. C'mon, man, you _know_ it." It was killing Tim to have this conversation in front of Gibbs after trying so hard earlier to convince him of the same thing. 

 

Tony frowned and looked torn. "I want to. I just..."

 

"Come over anytime. Spot check. Maybe we can give you a key...?" Tim looked at Gibbs, who shrugged and nodded, but felt apprehensive that Tony might walk in on them with Gibbs bottoming or them playing with the toys from their vacation. Tim's eyes widened as he had the same thought and he blushed scarlet. "Or... Maybe not. But, really, Tony, we're going for transparency here, so you can trust us."

 

Tony shook his head and sighed. "I don't know. Let's... Let's play it by ear."

 

Tim hugged him and pulled Gibbs in so that he was holding both of them. "We're gonna find our way. We have to. Just tell me you'll both try?" Tim asked as they stepped back.  They nodded and Tim decided to leave that as it was. He returned to the living room and the rest of the group. A few minutes later, Tony and Gibbs joined them and he thought there seemed to be just a little less tension. He hoped. 

 

When everyone was back in the living room enjoying pie, Fornell came to Tim and quietly reminded him that he had professional options for his career if everything collapsed with NCIS, feeling only a little bad that he'd say such a thing to his best friend's partner but knowing Gibbs well enough that he knew the former Marine would want Tim to feel as safe as he possibly could and so doing it anyway. 

 

Tim sighed in response but thanked him. "And thanks for taking care of me when you found me drunk that night. I know it must have been awkward..."

 

"No problem," Fornell forked a bite of apple and swirled it in the ice cream. "Look, Tim, don't let it escalate into physical violence with him. I heard what you said to DiNozzo about being able to get away if you need to, so if it comes to that, _do it_. Jethro's last two relationships with men ended in fistfights, and I know he hates himself when that happens. You two are good together, so if he loses it, you've gotta be the cooler head."

 

Tim's jaw dropped at that revelation. "I-uh-I... Thank you, Tobias. I appreciate the insight."

 

The FBI agent nodded and went back to his pie. Tim swallowed hard and looked to Gibbs, who was smiling just a little at something Abby was saying. He wondered if he'd ever feel like he really knew Gibbs. He felt connected to him, thought he understood some of the deeper, psychological issues that his partner had, but there was still a whole lot he was clueless about. 

 

At the door, after everyone else had left, Jimmy and Tim stood together for a long moment in silence. 

 

"Tim, I know I totally freaked out, and if you want me to sometime, I will tell you why, but right now, please, _please_ , take my house key. If you're ever in danger, or scared, or even just unsure, _come over_. Come home and stay with me and Breena." He held a key out to Tim who moved to the table where he and Gibbs always tossed their keys when they came in the door. He picked his own keys up and solemnly took the offering and added it to the ring. 

 

"I'm sorry you had experiences that led to your reaction, Jimmy," Tim said quietly. They hugged, and with a final nervous look toward where Gibbs was gathering coffee cups and dessert plates, the young man left. 

 

Tim helped get everything picked up and stacked in the sink, then gestured they should leave it for later and pulled Gibbs upstairs by the hand. Sharing the feeling of exhaustion he saw in Gibbs, Tim silently got undressed and climbed into bed. When Gibbs joined him, they wrapped each other up and fell asleep without discussion. 

 

~~~NCIS~~~

 

 

Gibbs struggled with the new dynamic. He was used to being a benevolent dictator, so having his team give him feedback even with looks or frowns grated. But he soldiered on. 

 

He backslid when Tim got stuck outside in a freezing rain without his coat. No amount of warning from Tony or Ziva could stop him from dressing Tim down even as he shivered in the front seat of the sedan with the heat blasting at him and Gibbs' own coat wrapped around his shoulders. 

 

"What the hell were you thinking?! It's December in Washington! You don't set one foot outside without proper clothing, you got me, McGee?"

 

"I-It won't h-happen ag-gain, B-Boss," Tim replied, his lips stuttering from the cold. 

 

"It damn well better not! If you're out of commission from your own stupidity, what happens when the team is counting on you to watch that exit? What if the suspect had been in there? What-"

 

Tim shook his head. "T-Tony, head slap him."

 

From the back seat, Tony squeaked. He recovered immediately and grinned as he raised his hand, but Gibbs' head whipped around and he glared at his SFA where he sat behind Tim, and Tony froze. 

 

"This is not unreasonable!" Gibbs snarled.  "I'm watching- _ow_!"

 

Ziva had done it, and Gibbs craned his neck to glare at her. He took a breath to continue his diatribe, but Tim's icy fingers grabbed his hand and he looked at Tim. The heat was obviously starting to warm him. He was okay. Gibbs choked back his words, turned back to face front, and threw the car into gear and peeled out, driving fast but watchfully back to headquarters. 

 

Unfortunately, Tim caught a cold after that and Gibbs felt even more justified for having berated him. At home he took thoughtful care of him, setting up a humidifier in the bedroom and rubbing mentholatum on Tim's chest before bed, but the wet cough was just starting to improve when Jackson arrived on Saturday. 

 

The guest room was prepared exactly as Tim had planned, and his nervousness was all about how the man would react to the news about the homosexual relationship his son was in rather than the thought that he might not like the decor. Tim almost wished he could worry that the room wouldn't be acceptable to the elder Gibbs, but it was perfect, so he just resigned himself to the knowledge that his Gibbs wasn't worried, so he shouldn't be either. 

 

When they heard the car in the driveway, Gibbs waved Tim back when he started to rise from his spot on the couch close to the fire. He'd been feeling cold all morning, and they'd gotten him settled there with tea and a book. He set both aside as Gibbs went to the door and sat up straight, clearing his throat, which only made him cough. 

 

Gibbs sighed to hear it but continued to the door, putting his coat on before he went outside to help Jackson with his suitcase. 

 

Jack was glancing at the small Toyota in the driveway behind the truck when Gibbs took the case he'd just withdrawn from the back seat from him. 

 

"Hey, Dad," he said. 

 

The clouds looked oppressively low and heavy, and the bite in the air suggested it would be best to stay indoors. 

 

"Hello son! Am I interrupting a visit?" Jack inclined his head back toward Tim's Prius as they went up the steps. 

 

"No," Gibbs said simply. Jack nodded, trying to prepare himself to meet the latest woman in his son's life. The tiny, economical car seemed understated for someone who was interested in Leroy, but Jack was a patient man. He'd take any introduction in stride. 

 

Or so he thought. His eyebrows climbed at the sight of Timothy McGee rising from a comfortable seat on the sofa. He wore an old sweater and slippers, so he obviously felt at home. The nervous look on the young man's face was enough to confirm Jack's suspicion. He nodded kindly. 

 

"Hello Tim," he said. 

 

"H-hi Jack."

 

Gibbs gave a small smile as he took the suitcase up the stairs and set it on the bed of the now-fully decorated guest room so that his father wouldn't have to bend and lift it again to unpack. 

 

In the time it took for him to do that and return downstairs, Jack was already refilling Tim's tea, suggesting that the younger man should be drinking it with honey and lemon for his cold. Gibbs smiled again. 

 

"Is that one of those electric cars? I've never had the chance to ride in one," Jack said, gesturing toward the door and the young man's Prius in the driveway. 

  


"A hybrid, yes sir. And I would be happy to show you what it's like," Tim replied. 

  


"Later," Gibbs grunted. "Sit back down, Tim. Dad, can I get you anything?"

  


"I'm fine, Leroy," Jack said, settling into the easy chair. 

 

Over dinner, which was a curry that Tim and Gibbs always enjoyed, they talked about Stillwater, catching Gibbs up on the gossip and the latest shenanigans by the Winslow Mining Company. 

  


"Turning out to be a bigger bastard than his father," Gibbs grumbled. Jack looked at him thoughtfully. 

  


"I always knew there was something between you and Chuck. Nobody gets that riled up unless there's some pretty strong feelings involved," he observed mildly. Tim looked at Jack quizzically, then at Gibbs. His eyes widened. 

 

"Chuck... You and Chuck Winslow?  _Oh_..."

 

"First person I ever fell in love with, Tim," Gibbs shook his head. "Or so I thought at the time. We bonded over football and lousy fathers. I thought Jack was a lousy dad after my mom died, but Chuck's really was. Manipulative and a mean son of a bitch. We both wanted out of our little hick town, and..."

 

Tim reached out and laid his hand on Gibbs' arm. He just let it rest there and looked at Jack.

 

"So, you suspected. And you don't seem bothered by...us."

 

"My son looks years younger than he did the last time I saw him. I'm not going to begrudge him any happiness he finds, no matter where he finds it. I like you, Timothy. You obviously love my son, so... Welcome to the family."

 

Tim smiled broadly, but kept watch on Gibbs' expression, and squeezed his arm. He'd been looking off to the side, apparently lost in memory. At Tim's motion, his eyes snapped to his lover's. Tim looked back at him straight on and silently witnessed the melancholy he saw. His own gaze remained steady, and it only took a moment of drinking in Tim's reassurance to bring a slight curve to Gibbs' lips. They nodded to each other and turned in tandem back to Jackson. The elder Gibbs had watched the interaction and he smiled approvingly. 

 

They sat in the living room around the fire, each with a drink of his choice after dinner. The conversation wrapped back around to first loves and Tim shared his story. 

  


"I was at MIT. He was a local, bussing tables and washing dishes at this diner where I used to study. We started talking, and I guess I was the first person from my school who really took the time to see past his accent and tough guy bit... Chris. Chrissie, actually. Big family, five brothers. He was from South Boston. I'm not sure if you know what that means?"

  


Jackson shook his head, but Gibbs nodded. Tim explained anyway. 

  


"It's the wrong side of the tracks. Irish Catholic, blue collar...a lot of the boys kind of form gangs. Well, Chrissie was really smart. Not like Good Will Hunting prodigy or anything, but... He'd gotten all he could out of high school and really should have gone to college. He could have done so much... Anyway, we'd talked a little, and he was just gorgeous. Beautiful blue eyes," Tim said, squeezing Gibbs' hand. "One night some guys jumped me. Thought I had money or something, but Chrissie defended me. Then he took care of my split lip and... Well, we were secretly together after that, but eventually I kept pushing him to do more with his life and trying, I guess trying to save him, y'know," he shrugged and shook his head. "Chrissie didn't need saving, though. Everything blew up before I graduated and that was that."

  


"It's hard to let those go," Jack said into the quiet that crept in after Tim's brief story. "I fell for an Amish girl at the market. We started talking each week when I was there with my mother, and she had the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen..." The tilt of Gibbs' head made Tim startle a bit when he realized that he hadn't heard the story before. 

  


"When her father found out, she was no longer allowed to come to the market. I went to find her, thinking I could convince her to come away from that life, but she wanted to stay. She was too frightened of the outside world to take me up on my promises that we could make a good life together."

 

 

They all sat quietly after that, each lost in his memories. Soon after, Jack went to bed, and Tim decided to call it a night as well. Gibbs stayed up for a while, watching the fire burn down, thinking about Chuck. His mind wandered to Tyrell and Paul, the two other men he'd had relationships with. All three had ended in physical violence. Gibbs had blamed the others for the escalation, but he wondered what would have happened in the basement that night if Tim had fought back. He didn't think he'd ever hit the younger person, but he darkly wondered if he could know that for certain. He banked the coals and went up and held Tim, trying to find a way to believe he deserved the patience and love he always received from him. 

 

The snowstorm that hit that night was bigger than predicted. The house was already getting cold inside when Gibbs woke on Sunday morning to find the power had gone out. He put an extra blanket onto the sleeping Tim before he went downstairs and built up the fire. 

 

His dark mood continued, and he fixed breakfast for all of them in brooding silence. Jack and Tim talked and chuckled enough through the meal that it wasn't obvious, but they exchanged pointed looks that acknowledged to each other that they'd seen the turn of Gibbs' attitude. 

 

 

Gibbs went out back to chop wood, needing to get away and burn off some of his brooding through the physical exercise. Tim looked from their front window and saw their neighbor, Mrs Pattinson, trying to move a downed branch from her driveway. He put his coat and boots on quickly and hurried out to help her. 

 

"I can do this myself, young man! I don't need you in my business!" She snapped. Tim agreed, but still got the branch moved for her, then shoveled her driveway for good measure. The woman needed help but always refused it to the point of injury, and Tim wasn't about to let that happen this time. 

 

But Tim exerting himself in the cold while still recovering from illness was ironically mirroring of her bull-headedness, and sent Gibbs through the roof when he returned inside to find Tim gasping and pale, his cough worse than ever. 

 

"For a goddamn genius, you do some of the stupidest things, Tim! This is fucking ridiculous! I was right out back, why didn't you just knock on the window? I would've taken care of it! Why do you have to do things that are so blatantly self-destructive?"

 

 

 

Gibbs ranted and railed at Tim, and dodged when Tim reached for a headslap to try to bring him out of it. 

 

 

Finally, a piercing whistle from Jackson stopped Gibbs cold. In the silence that followed, Jack calmly suggested that Tim go take a hot shower. 

 

Tim's face was white and tears stood out in his eyes. He turned on his heel and went upstairs to do as the older man said, feeling helpless and frustrated. God, he'd thought that they were getting past this crap. But maybe they just couldn't. He wept bitterly in the shower, trying to think of a way to get them back on track. 

 

"Are you trying to drive him away?" Jackson turned to his son. 

 

"Of course not! I'm trying to keep him safe!"

 

Nodding sagely, Jack indicated they should sit down. 

 

"Your fear is taking over, Leroy. You're bringing about exactly what you're fighting against."

 

"What the hell are you talking about?"

 

"You're terrified that you're gonna lose him. You know how bad it would be if you did, so you're holding so tightly you're gonna crush him instead."

 

Gibbs felt a stab of pain in his gut. That was it. That was why he was still struggling even with how things were getting better at work. He was smothering Tim. The beautiful, shining soul he cherished over everyone else in the world, and he was holding it so close he was going to snuff out every special thing about him.

 

"Leroy, you haven't loved anyone like you love him since the girls. I can see that. You couldn't do anything to save them, so now you're trying everything you can to keep Tim safe, but the biggest threat to him right now is you."

 

All Gibbs' self-loathing roared up, and a horrible stillness settled into him. "So I guess it's time to end it," he said, his iron will keeping his voice steady even as his heart wailed. 

 

"That is not the only option, Leroy," Jack argued. "Don't be too stubborn to change, damnit. What would Shannon have said to you? First and foremost, she was your best friend, boy, and she knew you better than anyone ever has."

 

Gibbs rose and went upstairs. He opened the door to the smallest bedroom, once Kelly's, and now a sad room of storage boxes and dust. He went in and stood there, trying to summon the wisdom Shannon had brought to their relationship in an attempt to salvage his current one. 

 

" _How did you explain your job as a sniper to me?_ " Her ghost asked in his mind. 

 

"I told you that I prepare for every contingency I can, then I trust my gut and do what I have to to get the job done."

 

" _Did you do that for my and Kelly's safety?_ "

 

"I... Yes, I think so. And it wasn't enough."

 

" _Could you have done anything more?_ "

 

"I could have quit the Corps and been here with you."

 

" _No, you couldn't. You wouldn't be who you are if you'd done that._ "

 

Gibbs swallowed the lump in his throat. There was only one way he could address this. If he was a threat to Tim, then he couldn't be with him. Emptiness was all he could feel as he went to tell his lover it was over. He ignored the mental image of Shannon standing there, fists on hips, stomping her foot in frustration at his stubbornness. 

 

Tim was wrapped in a towel and his heavy bathrobe when he came back to the cold bedroom from his shower. He stopped when he saw the hard mask on Gibbs' face, dread clenching his gut. 

 

"My dad is right. Tony's right. _I_ am the real threat to you, so it's time to call a spade a spade and admit that this isn't going to work."

  


Tim thought he might vomit. This was his worst fear, and he had to contain this, by any means necessary. "That's not going to happen."

  


"I love you, Tim. I need you safe. I've been strangling you with how I'm going about trying to do that."

  


"'If there is no enemy within, enemies outside can't do any harm.'" Tim quoted. "I'm _staying_. I'm going to help you fight your enemy within."

  


Gibbs could nearly see Shannon standing with Tim, urging him to listen. His father had told him to listen to what she'd have said, but even with the voices of these three people he so respected telling him what to do, he doubted. The agony of losing his wife and daughter was like a wall between him and what he wanted, what he yearned for: a real life with Tim. 

 

 

"Damnit, why does it all come back to this?! That bastard who killed them is still haunting my life, trying to steal everything from me! Why can't I get over this?"

 

Tim took a step toward him. "You _see_ it now. You know what's been driving you, so now you have a chance to change it. Gibbs, we both thought it was fear of losing the _team_ that was the heart of this. We were addressing the symptom, not the cause. Now that we understand what's really at the heart of it, we can make real progress, _real_ change."

 

"The only way I see to try to defeat this is to end it. I'm sorry Tim, but I think it's gotta be over."

 

 

"No! That's not an option!” Tim cried out desperately. “I haven't spent all these months putting up with your shit just to have you give up on me! You-you can't- can't do this to me..." Coughs overcame him. 

 

Gibbs couldn't bear it. He went to Tim and wrapped him up in his arms until the coughing stopped. Tim wheezed, his face buried against Gibbs' neck. 

 

 

 

" _Don't do this! You love him, so_ **love** _him. Be with him. You've suffered enough, Gibbs,_ " the Shannon voice in his mind told him. 

 

_'I'm hurting him! All the time, I'm putting him in danger, and I'm tearing him apart inside!'_ He thought at her. 

 

_"He can take it. Don't make excuses. You know him. You know how much he and I are alike, and you figured out how to be okay going overseas away from me. Yeah, it bit you in the ass, but odds are that's not gonna happen again."_

 

_'I can't risk it. If I'm the one hurting him...'_

 

_"Bullshit. He's not safer if you dump him. You are his whole world, just like you were mine. You really are a selfish bastard if you'd break his heart just to feel safer yourself."_

 

"Please don't leave me," Tim finally whispered. His voice sounded desolate, hopeless, like he was utterly bereft of hope but trying anyway, and Gibbs broke. His arms tightened on his lover. Who the hell was he kidding? He couldn't give Tim up. He wasn't strong enough to do that. He wasn't cruel enough, either. 

  


Tim couldn't stop shaking. He felt like the world would end if Gibbs kicked him out. He knew it wouldn't, knew that he'd survive, but a chasm of hopelessness opened inside him when he considered it. 

 

"I guess I'm too selfish to give you up, even if it's the best thing for you."

 

 

The chasm closed. Tim found that he could breathe again. And his care-taking instincts roared to life. "It's not selfish. _You're_ not selfish. You were hurt, broken. You've heroically moved on, moved forward, and you've externalized everything, helping everyone else. Now you have a chance to actually heal. Let me help _you_ , now. Please?"

 

Gibbs drew back and looked into Tim's eyes and was undone. Words tumbled out, expressing something he hadn't even realized until that moment. 

 

"Shannon... In a way, she was the same as you. She grew up on a farm. She preferred jeans and plaid button-downs. She was strong and powerful and smart. She had a beauty that wasn't contained by a single gender, Tim. She taught me her rules, she stood by me as an equal... We didn't have words for it; androgyny, gender fluid... But she was like that, too. I think that's what I was always looking for with the strong women I sought out. But they were all just women. Stubborn personalities, but they didn't have that combination that Shannon had; that _you_ have. I love how you are, Tim. It's right for me, it's the match I need."

 

"You realize you just said you need me, right? I'm not letting you take that back, Gibbs,” Tim said through a watery vision.

 

 

Tim studied him for a long moment, then he smiled in that heart-stopping way that lit him up from inside and made gender identity superfluous. He was just Tim, the person who fulfilled every need and desire Gibbs had. He was just Tim, and he was the only one Gibbs wanted. 

 

Tim's expression grew serious. "But I need a promise from you. No more unilaterally deciding what's best for me or for us. I can't have you keep trying to turn away from me. If you're in, if you really love and need me... I need you all in. I need to know that you're going to fight for me, _with_ me, to keep us together. Even if it's fighting yourself to do it."

 

Gibbs huffed. This was it. Tim was right. If they were going to get through this, they had to do it together. He'd have to figure out how to keep the overbearing, controlling part of himself that drew strength from his grief from taking over and sabotaging what he wanted most in the world, which was to be with Tim. 

 

"I don't know how to not try everything I can to keep you safe. If you died, Tim, I'd go mad. I'd die. There's just no way I could..."

 

"You're already skipping ahead to facing the heart of the problem, love. I need you to step back and think about what I said. Will you commit to me now, and promise not to run away from us when it gets hard? Will you stick with me, even if you think it's in my best interest to leave? Will you trust me and believe in us enough to do that?"

 

"You sound like you're proposing."

 

"I'm not proposing _marriage_ , Gibbs. I'm proposing commitment; your commitment to me. Will you commit to me and give me your word that you're going to see this through and not keep trying to push me away?"

 

"Tim..."

 

"I need you as badly as you need me. I have my own demons. Some we've vanquished together, but I just want to know if you're going to be there with me when it's my turn to face myself again, too."

 

Knowing that he was choosing the hard road, Gibbs spoke. 

 

"Yes. I love you, Tim. I'm in it, with you, for good. Through it all, I will face whatever we have to face together with you."

 

Tim let out a shaking breath that ended in a cough. He threw his arms around Gibbs' neck and held him tight. 

 

Gibbs returned the embrace, closing his eyes, and he heard a ghostly chuckle. 

 

" _Atta boy,_ " Shannon whispered in his memory. High praise from her. He knew she'd have approved of his decision. 

 

~~~NCIS~~~

 

Tim was flying. He hadn't had to remind Gibbs to behave in over a week, their case had gone smoothly with the team working again like a family, and they had the weekend off rotation. He'd been getting a certain sexy vibe off Gibbs for the last few hours as they all completed their reports, and once both Tony and Ziva had gone, all Tim had to do was wait for Gibbs to finish up and he figured they'd be lucky to make it home without jumping each other. A quick trip to the men's room and judicious use of the tube of lube he always kept on him, and Tim was ready for anything. Back at his desk, he let his mind wander. He considered how hot it would be to have sex in the elevator, imagining the cold metal against his chest as Gibbs slid his hot, hard -

 

"We goin' home or what?" Gibbs waved his hand in front of Tim's face. He blushed hotly but grinned up at his lover. 

 

"Yes, please!"

 

Once in the elevator, Tim's lascivious expression made Gibbs shake his head, even while his own lips were curving. 

 

"I can tell what you're thinking. No sex at work. I'm not going to give in on that."

 

Tim pouted and batted his eyes, but he winked to let Gibbs know he understood. They walked out to Gibbs' car together, having switched to taking one car when they went in at the same time, and held hands as Gibbs drove home. 

 

When they got closer, Tim started stroking Gibbs' fingers sensually, sliding along the length of them and lightly flicking the webbing between them; then brought his hand up to his mouth and enveloped one in his lips and began fellating it. Gibbs didn't say anything but Tim saw him shift in his seat, and when Tim hummed in appreciation he finally gave a low growl. Smiling around the digit, he sucked harder and tongued the calloused pad of Gibbs' fingertip. 

 

" _Fuck_ , Tim..." Gibbs sighed. He was getting hard but he was at a bad angle and it was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He couldn't let go the wheel with how fast he was driving, and he was hitting the lights all on green, or, okay, yellow, but he really needed to get them home. "Help me out here?" He nodded toward his crotch and Tim chuckled. Without stopping the teasing of his fingers, Tim reached over with his dexterous hand and slid it under the waistbands of his slacks and underwear to adjust him to a better position. 

 

But of course, Tim didn't stop there. 

 

Wrapping around the warm flesh, Tim started giving a slow handjob. Gibbs groaned. When had this drive ever lasted this long?! Turning onto their street, he roared up the driveway, parking with less than perfect precision, and Tim finally released him so they could get inside. 

 

The moment the door shut, Tim shoved Gibbs against the wall and kissed him hard, plundering his mouth. He broke away, panting, and spoke as they pulled at each other's clothes. 

 

"I've been so hot for you all afternoon. You gave me that _look_ and it was all I could do not to throw myself at you..." Tim gasped. Gibbs was non-verbal in his determination, and as soon as Tim's pants were off, he turned him around and brought his finger, still wet with Tim's saliva, down to prep him. He found that Tim had already lubed up and froze, his cock jumping and throbbing at the idea. Jesus...

 

Tim whined and shoved back, bending more, widening his stance and arching his back in invitation. "Jesus, Gibbs, just fuck me already!"

 

With that demand, Gibbs surged forward, barely finding the right angle of entry but plunging ahead into the slick heat of Tim's body and crying out at the welcome. 

 

" _Yes_!" Tim cried out, filled and fulfilled in that one motion. He braced himself against the wall for the pounding he was eagerly anticipating, and he squeezed on the hardness inside him to encourage just that. 

 

"Tim!" Gibbs voice was strained as the shout was wrested from him, then he grabbed his lover's hips and withdrew only to slam back into him. Tim yelped and tightened deliberately on him again, and Gibbs gave up any pretense of finesse. He humped hard, and after a minute or two, put his arms around Tim, one across his chest, holding his shoulder, the other around his still-slim waist, feeling the abdominal muscles Tim was working so hard on bunching under his forearm. Moaning brokenly into the pale skin of Tim's spine, he shut his eyes and focused completely on the tight warmth surrounding his cock and the beloved body in his embrace. 

 

" _Fuck_ , Tim! I love you so much... God you feel so good baby... Make me so hot... _Ungh_ , feel so... Oh! Shit! Tim - _god_ \- love- ngh... Babe... Ah! Yeah! Oh... _Ngh_! Oh god! Yes! Tim! _Ngh_! Aaahh..."

 

Those sounds and the perfect feeling of Gibbs surrounding and penetrating him had Tim transported. He was somehow aware of his hands and cheek pressed against the wall of their home, but completely enraptured by the way he was being taken. Gibbs was usually in such self-control that having him lose it and just fuck him mindlessly was powerfully erotic. 

 

"Gibbs! Gibbs! Jethro! Yes! _Gibbs_!" Tim cried in response, and suddenly the thrusts grew wild and Gibbs gave a delicious grunt and his arms tightened like a vise and Tim shuddered at the feeling of Gibbs coming inside him. He braced himself more securely and easily took the weight as Gibbs leaned on him heavily in post-orgasmic lethargy. Tim's own erection twitched and he shivered a little, wanting his own release, so as Gibbs' breathing evened out, he pulled away carefully and straightened. Turning, he kissed Gibbs and let his lack of completion be known as he pressed against him. Gibbs took the hint. 

 

Getting the rest of their clothes off, Gibbs drew Tim to the living room. He made quick work of the setup, throwing a couch cushion on the floor in front of the chair with high arms, then he pushed Tim into it and knelt. Tim couldn't spread his legs to give his lover access to his body with the sides of the chair confining his thighs, but he figured out quickly what Gibbs' idea was. He scooted to the front of the seat and put his legs over the arms of the chair. The wanton position had his cock jutting out and his ass spread wide as well, and he might have felt self conscious if he wasn't so desperate for release. 

 

Gibbs decided this was one of the best ideas he'd ever had, and if Tim even _considered_ getting rid of this chair, he'd insist they keep it. The purely sexual nature of the position was amazing. He lowered his head and filled his mouth with Tim's balls, running his tongue up the sack between them and getting a beautiful moan for it. He pressed two fingers into the relaxed entrance of his lover's ass and groaned himself at the extra wetness that he knew was his own semen. 

 

Tim had no thought but pleasure as Gibbs used the position he was in to his best advantage. When he moved from Tim's balls to his cock, Tim started making garbled animal sounds which rose in volume and pitch as Gibbs added another finger to his penetration and started rapidly fucking him with his hand while he sucked and slurped on his cock. 

 

The wet, squishing sound his fingers were making was sending Gibbs into a frenzy. God! It was a filthy, erotic sound, and he curled his fingers so he was sure he was stimulating Tim's prostate and he tongued and bobbed for all he was worth. 

 

Tim screamed when he came. It was stunningly loud and Gibbs loved that fact even more. The heavy pulses of his orgasm squeezed Gibbs' fingers almost painfully tight, and filled his mouth to overflowing with bitter come. 

 

Vision whiting out and his whole body thrumming with the intensity, Tim arched like a live wire until the last weak tremor of his climax abated. Then he collapsed back bonelessly. Gibbs moved up and kissed him, sharing the fluid in his mouth, which was just dirty and fucking sexy and he eagerly sucked every bit of his own semen from his lover's tongue. 

 

Gibbs laughed as they broke apart. "Shit, Tim, that's so..."

 

"Yeah. I love it," he said said breathlessly. Gibbs settled back on his heels and stared at the completely debauched look of Tim still spread lewdly on the chair but looking sated and blissful and his gorgeous eyes shining with love. 

 

"I love  _you_ , babe."

 

 

They cleaned up and got their clothes put away and comfy ones on to replace them. Tim had bought a pair of purple silk pajama pants that he liked to wear around the house at night. The oversized MIT t-shirt he used to pair it with had bothered Gibbs to the point that he bought him a USMC shirt that actually fit, so Tim happily wore that. 

 

"We got a package," Tim called toward the basement when he heard the knock at the front door and opened it to find the box the driver had left on their porch. He looked at the return label. "It's from your dad."

 

Gibbs came up the stairs and they opened it together. Tim sucked in a breath as the framed pictures were revealed from their careful wrapping. His eyes darted to Gibbs' face, and he let the breath out easily at the curious but not pained expression on his face. There was an eight by ten simply matted and framed with a family photo of a youthful Gibbs with Shannon, and Kelly at around four years old. It was a candid, and Gibbs was smiling with his arms loosely around his wife's waist, both of them watching Kelly on a bike with training wheels. Tim studied the red haired figure, taking in the loose flannel shirt, jeans, and sensible shoes. Her stance was firm, shoulders squared, and Tim thought he could see the gender fluidity that Gibbs had referenced. She was a beautiful individual.

 

Gibbs was surprised that he didn't feel the lance of white hot pain through his chest as he looked at Shannon. When his eyes went to Kelly, the other pain, that gaping, bottomless black hole opened in his heart, but all in all, it was a vast improvement. He reverently set the picture aside and unwrapped the other. It was Tim and Gibbs, surrounded by people, with a strange lighting playing over the crowd around them. They had their foreheads together and were staring into each other's eyes like nothing else existed. Tim's face was flushed and his eyes had the dramatic look that came from his subtle use of makeup. 

 

"Wow. I guess Abby took our picture at the concert, huh? That's so.... Wow. What do you think, hon?" Tim immediately knew what the photo was from but he wasn't sure what Gibbs was thinking as he stared at it. 

 

Holding a picture in each hand, he moved to the mantle over the fireplace and set them both up, then stepped back and put his arm around Tim's waist. 

 

"I think it's a good start."

~~~NCIS~~~

 

_A/N I want to thank everyone again for all the support. I was a little gun shy after the flames with Chrysalis, and I am relieved that I still have people wanting to read my normal stories. Neverending gratitude to FlyingPiglet for beta and co-creativity, and to ToniMH for boundless enthusiasm and encouragement. Thank you to everyone else for the kudos and comments and bookmarks! See you next time…_


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